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Idol Recap Bitches!

After all my excitement had built up all week – to be confronted with such a mediocre show was a travesty. But let’s talk about it anyway.

Jasmine Murray – bad choice to start the show because it made me sleepy. Of course I had taken a Xanax but I don’t think that was the problem. I think it was Jasmine. But then I have a history of blaming my problems on other people…in this case though, it’s warrented. She’s out. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine – she’s only 17! Also, can we limit the number of contestants who have the name Jasmine? And if so, let’s limit it to NONE.

Matt Giraud – this was a bummer because I had high hopes for him when I saw him play the piano during Hollywood week. He did a Ray Charles song or maybe that was Danny Glockey but either way, I thought he had a great voice. So Coldplay’s Viva La Vida? Seriously? Whaaaah? Matt, you aren’t a band. Do you see Barry Manilow doing Tupac? No. There’s a reason for that. Stick with what you know and you know blues.

Jeanine Vailes – She suprised me…by having a favorite Maroon 5 song! Who has ever heard of anyone loving Maroon 5 let alone having a favorite Maroon 5 song? She was horrible.

Nick Mitchell –Is this Paula’s idea of humor? Has anyone on that panel besides Simon actually seen an episode of SCTV or SNL? Do they know funny from uncomfortable improv student? I guess not. In short, I voted for him. Twice.

Allison Iraheta – As a comedienne, I know that it’s always great to follow someone who sucks so Allison had that going for her from the jump. But she’s incredible. My husband calls her voice “broken down” in a good way. I can’t believe she’s so young and already has those Janis Joplin chops. Ally, I predict big things for you, young lady. Also, lovin’ the red hair. You are very original.

Kris Allen – Okay, I was going along merrily thinking knowing this guy is the worst singer I’ve heard in a long, long time (and that’s saying a lot because I’d just heard Nick Mitchell) when all of a sudden the judges were liking him. Was I being Punk’d? Where was Ashton Kutcher with his baseball cap slightly askew? wtf? I think I might still be a bit in shock. Maybe I should wrap myself in warm blankets and come back to this one.

Megan Joy Corkrey – She’s pretty and has a nice voice. But she won’t make it to the end because she has too many tattoos. Just ask Carly Smithson.

Matt Breitzke – Wasn’t he on last week’s show? Oh, never mind that was Michael Sarver. See what I did there? Those two need to wear name tags because to me they are the same person. Don’t they both work on a rig? I don’t know but they are both PROUD AMERICANS. And they both have completely forgettable boring-ass voices.

Jesse Langseth – I may be alone in this but I liked her voice. Singing Bette Davis Eyes probably wasn’t the most sane thing to do and she is too presentational for my taste. Also, the red hair thing was already done. If she wanted to be different and make it through to the next round she should have dyed her hair as soon as she heard that she fell after Allison in the line-up. It takes real committment to make it to the top in American Idol. But since she obviously doesn’t want it enough, she won’t get votes.

Kai Kalama – He was my absolute favorite in the San Fran auditions and not because his mother has a seizure disorder and he takes care of her fulltime. Possibly in spite of that because I found that whole roll-in package creepy. But I loved, loved, loved his voice. Until last night. Did all the contestants get together as a group and decide “hey, let’s suck!”? I hope he makes it because he really is a good singer but based on his song and the fact that his last name makes me think of black olives, he won’t.

Mishavonna Henson – I know I just said that all the contestants sucked but that’s just because I got so riled up at how Kai disappointed me. I feel a little better now and I’m able to be more objective. Mishavonna was great. I thought her voice was distinctive and even though she sang one of the dippiest songs that’s ever been written, she was good. I would have voted for her but really by that point I was like three glasses of wine in and that, with my Xanax made me unable to operate a phone let alone heavy machinery.

Adam Lambert – here is a short list of things I don’t like: black olives, Parisians and ADAM LAMBERT’S VOICE. Could he be any more dramatic? I have a new word: dramatical. That’s overly dramatic musical theater people. Only with Emo hair.

Here’s hoping next week is better.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on February 26, 2009 8:13 pmUncategorized14 comments  

14 Comments

  1. Putty said,

    Terrible show. And people need to stop calling that Norman guy a comic genius, unless the good people at Webster’s Dictionary changed the definitions of “comic” and “genius” in 2009 to something entirely different. He’s manic and unfocused and flopping around and we are supposed to see that as comedy. Actually, that’s right up Paula’s alley.

    I really hope he wins the whole thing!

    | February 26, 2009 @ 9:37 pm

  2. Anonymous said,

    right right right and more right. Allison is awesome, she is a star you can tell!
    The other chick with red hair, “bettie davis eyes” reminds me of angelina jolie, so I don’t like her because of that.
    The young mom totally reminds me of Carly. She’s good but won’t win.

    | February 26, 2009 @ 9:42 pm

  3. WA said,

    Even though he’s sort of the goth Meatloaf, I kind of like Adam. He woke me up from the stupor I was in at the end of the show.

    The good news is, I think Paula’s back on the prescription pad. You can tell because she’s wearing long bangs to hide her pupils.

    | February 26, 2009 @ 10:34 pm

  4. Mommy Melee said,

    I love Norman. I genuinely do. I want to hate him but his voice is so pretty and he has big sparkly balls.

    Adam is awful. Awful.

    | February 26, 2009 @ 11:44 pm

  5. Putty's Boss said,

    Does Putty really have time to be sharing his pithy observations on MomBlogs?

    And the office chipped in and bought you Norman Gentle’s spangly shirt, so you just sucked the joy outta that, too.

    Good work.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 12:51 am

  6. LuLu and Moxley's Mom said,

    Everyone doesn’t have a favorite Maroon 5 song? In that case mine ISN’T Sunday Mornings. Is it too late to start watching Idol or can I just jump in mid-season? I don’t have enough crazy in my life as is.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 1:31 am

  7. Anonymous said,

    Gawd, very funny commentary and so right. I can’t stand Norman Gentle or that Adam Lambaster guy.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 1:51 am

  8. Jenée said,

    Just a little request, could you give the contestants descriptive nicknames instead of/ in addition to their real names? Less than 24 hours after the fact, I have a hard time recalling who you’re talking about.

    I have to confess that Nick amuses me. I usually don’t like hammy character types but he makes me laugh. The last dude (Flaming emo wanna-be rocker guy)has a phenomenal voice but he’s hard to watch. He’s too over-theatrical even for musical theatre. But I think he, the fuchsia-haired space case and either dueling piano guy or the tattooed hippy chick will so on. But I’d like to see sick mom guy and Nick in the wild card round.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 2:55 am

  9. becky w. said,

    You called it right on the mediocracy of that show. I couldn’t bring myself to dial the phone for one person, not even the one’s that I’d hoped would make it through because they all sucked so bad last night. I think Allison is a great singer, but her personality rubs me so the wrong way that I don’t want her to go on. Maybe no one voted for anyone, and so no one made it through?

    | February 27, 2009 @ 3:07 am

  10. How to Party with an Infant said,

    ugh–wasn’t it awful?
    You’re so right about “Jasmine” That name has got to stop.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 4:44 am

  11. Mom101 said,

    I love these recaps because it saves me 58 minutes on not having to watch any of it.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 2:10 pm

  12. Carolyn...Online said,

    Well that is just a whole little Idol Cliffnotes isn’t it? I don’t watch Idol but now I can pretend like I do. I don’t know who I’m trying to impress with my fake Idol knowledge…but at least I have it now.

    | February 27, 2009 @ 3:54 pm

  13. MereCat said,

    You know, I had my favorites from this group, but none of them just blew me away. I’m kind of hoping the next group holds some better contestants. I thought Allison was the only one really worth her salt. There were a couple of others who didn’t suck, but still. Let’s see what next week brings. Maybe I’ll do my commentary as well and see how we compare. That would be fun.

    | February 28, 2009 @ 3:57 am

  14. quitecontrary1977 said,

    I’m not an Idol fan, but you make me want to watch it so can have fun trashing it,too!

    | February 28, 2009 @ 7:25 am

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