Last night’s episode was hilarious. I wrote a whole column on it for mommytrackd so I won’t go into a whole diatribe about why I think Jason is the biggest cheese monkey to ever flex his guns on a dating show – but suffice it to say – HE HAS A CHILD and that’s exploitive even by my standards. But put that out of your mind and let’s trash it! First off, let’s discuss Stephanie. I know she’s a widow. I get it. I feel bad. But is she taking all her angst out on her eyebrows? Can’t she let just a little tiny bit of fuzz grow in? The whole look between the huge cheek (implants), crazy lips, no brows and Botoxed to death features makes me think of the puppet Lady Elaine from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. I’m just glad Jason finally let her leave because her whole suffocating tenderness vibe was freaking me out. When they did the “blindfold Jason and have the ladies kiss him game” was there any doubt that Stephanie kissing both his hands “tenderly” then planting the softest softest softest kitten kisses on his eyelids before moving down to his mouth was going to cause retching?
So she’s gone and now we’re down to four:
Molly: I don’t know. The jury is still out for me. I just can’t work up feelings about her either way. She doesn’t bug me, nor does she interest me. Kind of like ordering chicken at a restaurant. If you’re going to go out, why not order the fish? You can always have chicken. Check your freezer. I guarantee you there is some frozen chicken in there. If you want it, go and defrost it, and then have it tonight. See? Jason you could meet this chick any night of the week at a Bennigans. Or in your freezer. I’m going 5/2 odds on her. She likes beer pong.
Melissa: I think she’s got a good chance. She’s exactly like the other cheerleader from the Bachelor season with Brad/Chad the twins. She’s bubbly, approximately fourteen and totally ready to be a mom. I mean, come on, she said right on camera that being a mom is like second nature to her. People please! She has definitely babysat once or twice. How hard could it be? I’m giving her 1/2 odds. The only problem could be that her parents are sane enough to refuse to whore themselves out for a reality show. Jason could feel that his in-laws to be may not back his decision to make a career out of his 15 min.
Naomi: Just the fact that I practically had to consult the website to even remember that this girl is still on the show is enough to tell me that she will be eliminated next. Men might like her because she seems a little dirty and she has that hair in the face thing that bugs me but also pleases the fellows. But she needs a full personality lift. Can you think of one thing that she likes or has even said on the show? I didn’t think so. Plus, in some shots she reminds me of a gypsy and I automatically make sure my purse is nearby where I can see it. I give her 24/1 shot.
Jillian: By and large I have a love affair with Canadians. They seem to possess a superior sense of irony and use phrases like “fucking the dog” to mean wasting time. But not Jillian. She seems to think it’s the highest form of humor to rate a man based on what he likes on his hotdog. As a lover of funny, I haven’t forgiven her for that. She seems like a perfectly nice person but one you’d never notice walking down the street or even seated in your living room. And nothing against nice but it doesn’t make great TV and that is what Jason is after. Next week she is going to have a little mini breakdown so maybe I’ll change my mind because after all, I do like the crazy.
Also, isn’t Deanna supposed to show up at some point? As they teased it earlier in the season, Deanna’s going to say “I made a huge mistake” which we are supposed to take to mean that she picked Jesse the dorkiest man alive who couldn’t look good in a hat to save his life when she should have picked Jason. I don’t think that’s what she will have meant by it. I think she will go on to explaint that she made a mistake in choosing Jesse. Period. And her advice to Jason will be to “think long and hard about your decision.” And then we’ll all feel mislead by “reality” TV even though we know better. But still, I CAN’T WAIT!