Every once in awhile, when I only had Elby scampering around the house, I would or could forget momentarily that I was a mother. It wasn’t that difficult to do because, in retrospect, Elby was a very low maintenance baby. Granted, she was always with me in the early days. I took her grocery shopping, back and forth to Target sometimes three times in one day, out for strolls in the park, Mommy & Me, My Gym…oh the list goes on. But there were times when we were home or at night when she was asleep when I would momentarily forget that my days were full of Elby and that my title was now Mother. With twins that is completely impossible. They are everyday all day and all night.
These last few weeks have tried my title of Mother, stretched it as far as it will stretch, seen it bounce back into place only to pull it apart at the seams once again. The babies have been sick off and on for really so long I’ve lost track. I think it started with puking but became full blown colds warranting trips to the doctor and more recently more doctor appointments for antibiotics due to the ear infections that seem to follow cold likes ants on the trail of maple syrup. My husband and I have been sick for as long if not longer than the babies and, really, I think we should do the world a favor and lock ourselves away in a TB sanatorium so as not to infect anyone else. BUT THEN WHO WOULD WATCH THE BABIES? Did I mention that Elby got sick and an ear infection in there too?
I’ve seen so much of my doctor I’m literally having romantic dreams about him at night. I log more hours in his office than I do with my husband. IT’S NOT GOOD.
I guess I’m trying to explain why blogging has become my number twelve priority – right after doctors, finishing loose ends on the book, praying for a break in mucous production, watching American Idol and writing my Make Mine a Double column (I know, I know but they pay me).
I want to write on my blog more. I think about it. The damn thing taunts me everyday when I log onto my computer. But somehow I feel like all I can do is bitch. If anyone out there has twins and another child to boot I know you can relate and if any of you don’t, I certainly don’t want to sound like there’s no upside to having three kids. Sometimes I look at their little faces and my heart melts. Sometimes. But often there’s so much to fucking do around here that it’s hard to get any of that adorable face time. How can I look into their faces when those faces look hungry and I have to run to the store to buy them food or clean all their bottle, sippy cup paraphanalia or entertain an occupational therapist, physical therapist, nutritionist (God how I love her), pediatrician or attend another post op g-tube surgeon visit? I have to clock every ounce of formula that goes into Sadie, make sure Elby’s lunch is taken to school and picked up -with clean bedding for naps, a nutritious lunch and a toy for “share day.”
So combine all the regular stuff with sick kids for the last month and it’s just not a great set up for mental health…………………………………………………………………………..I’m sorry…is it still my turn to talk? I dozed off for a minute there. Matilda had a RECURRANCE of her double ear infection (or else the Amoxicillan never did the trick in the first place) and I had to bring her back to the doctor today for a stronger antibiotic.
All in all I’m so tired I could seriously hurt someone. Anyone. Don’t cut me off in traffic is all I’m saying.
So, today I kept Elby home from school because I had no help and I needed to take the girls to the doctor. Since we got back she’s been watching TV nonstop. And here’s the thing: I could end the TV day by simply pretending to go trick or treating with her which she is begging me to do (one of our stops will have to be the bathroom because I have to pee – I hope they have good treats there) but I keep putting her off so I can BLOG. You’re welcome.