This is Sadie on her first day home from the hospital. The caption should read, “Me likey Tylenol Codeine.” I’m kidding of course. I stole all her drugs.
The last few days have been incredibly stressful -which sometimes I think is just going to be my new constant state of being but I continue to have hope that one day I will wake up and breathe a huge sigh of relief that Sadie is heavier, I can use the feeding tools with ease and no one in the house has a fever (Elby right now), migraine (me usually) or really long toe nails (Jon).
The day before yesterday a nurse came to our house to show us how to use all of the boxes of equipment that had been dropped off the day before from a medical supply place. I’ll just say this, seeing IV bags, tubing, an IV stand, gauze pads and huge syringes makes me all the more sure that I would have no place in the medical industry. Not that I could even be a doctor or nurse if I wanted to because apparently there are all these pesky “prerequisites” like…college.
I attempted to learn to use Sadie’s new pump for overnight feeds, and failed at learning to feed her directly into her tube during the day (called a bolus feed) because she cried so hard I almost had a stroke. I decided it was best to wait until she’d had some pain medication which I procured by making an emergency call to the surgeon’s office getting the doctor on-call.
“Hi, this is Dr. Chen. Your baby is having some pain issues?”
“Um…sniffle sniffle…she’s inconsolable and the Tylenol is not cutting it.”
“She’s only a few days post-op. She should still be on something stronger than Tylenol for break-thru pain.”
“I wasn’t prescibed anything.”
“You should have been.”
NO SHIT. “I know.”
“Let’s get her something now and then leave her alone for tonight and try again tomorrow.”
I love you.
So we got her some drugs – stat – and the next day (yesterday) went much better. I didn’t need to “bolus” feed her but I did run the pump overnight which gave her 6 oz. of formula which brought her to a grand total of, well, the technical term is “enough to fatten her ass up.”
Which brings me to my “Look On the Bright Side List” of Advantages to Having a 14 Pound One-Year-Old
10. Easier to tote.
9. Still fits in the swing.
8. Needs only a quarter shot of Tequila to get totally wasted.
7. Costs less to feed.
6. Gets a lot more use out of the 6-9 months clothes.
5. Still fits into her infant carrier.
4. Shock value for people who ask how old she is.
3. Doesn’t try to steal food off of my plate.
2. Possible future as super model.
1. When people think I had a baby only a few months ago and look fantastic, I don’t correct them.