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Ten Advantages to Having a 14 Pound One-Year-Old

This is Sadie on her first day home from the hospital. The caption should read, “Me likey Tylenol Codeine.” I’m kidding of course. I stole all her drugs.
The last few days have been incredibly stressful -which sometimes I think is just going to be my new constant state of being but I continue to have hope that one day I will wake up and breathe a huge sigh of relief that Sadie is heavier, I can use the feeding tools with ease and no one in the house has a fever (Elby right now), migraine (me usually) or really long toe nails (Jon).
The day before yesterday a nurse came to our house to show us how to use all of the boxes of equipment that had been dropped off the day before from a medical supply place. I’ll just say this, seeing IV bags, tubing, an IV stand, gauze pads and huge syringes makes me all the more sure that I would have no place in the medical industry. Not that I could even be a doctor or nurse if I wanted to because apparently there are all these pesky “prerequisites” like…college.
I attempted to learn to use Sadie’s new pump for overnight feeds, and failed at learning to feed her directly into her tube during the day (called a bolus feed) because she cried so hard I almost had a stroke. I decided it was best to wait until she’d had some pain medication which I procured by making an emergency call to the surgeon’s office getting the doctor on-call.
“Hi, this is Dr. Chen. Your baby is having some pain issues?”
“Um…sniffle sniffle…she’s inconsolable and the Tylenol is not cutting it.”
“She’s only a few days post-op. She should still be on something stronger than Tylenol for break-thru pain.”
“I wasn’t prescibed anything.”
“You should have been.”
NO SHIT. “I know.”
“Let’s get her something now and then leave her alone for tonight and try again tomorrow.”
I love you.
Okay.”
So we got her some drugs – stat – and the next day (yesterday) went much better. I didn’t need to “bolus” feed her but I did run the pump overnight which gave her 6 oz. of formula which brought her to a grand total of, well, the technical term is “enough to fatten her ass up.”
Which brings me to my “Look On the Bright Side List” of Advantages to Having a 14 Pound One-Year-Old
10. Easier to tote.
9. Still fits in the swing.
8. Needs only a quarter shot of Tequila to get totally wasted.
7. Costs less to feed.
6. Gets a lot more use out of the 6-9 months clothes.
5. Still fits into her infant carrier.
4. Shock value for people who ask how old she is.
3. Doesn’t try to steal food off of my plate.
2. Possible future as super model.
1. When people think I had a baby only a few months ago and look fantastic, I don’t correct them.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 14, 2008 4:38 pmUncategorized57 comments  

57 Comments

  1. Amanda said,

    Also, no matter how many pounds she is, she’s stinkin’ CUTE. Good luck, I hope things get easier for you guys….thinking of you.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 6:08 pm

  2. Baby B said,

    I’m sending lots of “fatten up, Sadie!” thoughts her way.

    It was babies like Sadie and Maddie that really solidified my choices for majors (clinical nutrition and human development). I want to work with babies that need some extra help to chub up!

    | December 14, 2008 @ 6:25 pm

  3. Petunia Face said,

    I am so sorry that you and Sadie have to go through this horrible mess, but good lord what an adorable pixie baby! That photo is to die for!

    | December 14, 2008 @ 6:33 pm

  4. RhoRho said,

    Those EYES! Seriously! So glad she’s through it and smiling.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

  5. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    Really happy to see you coming through this with your sense of humor firing on all cylinders. You’re the Word, SWT.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 7:16 pm

  6. Karen said,

    Bless your heart. Bless HER heart.

    I pray this helps fatten her up.

    Stay positive.

    Write From Karen

    | December 14, 2008 @ 7:27 pm

  7. deezee said,

    you do looking on the bright side oh so well.

    hears to reduced pain for all of you (physical and emotional!)

    | December 14, 2008 @ 8:06 pm

  8. Backpacking Dad said,

    I don’t usually comment, but I just wanted to tell you what a funny writer you are.

    :}

    | December 14, 2008 @ 8:26 pm

  9. Cheryl Lage said,

    Hey Doll-
    Wishing you many meds, many pounds (for Sadie, not for you) and an expeditious learning curve on all the new processes. Thinking of you all and rooting for you 100%…maybe even more.

    (There really is something to be said for maximum duration on the toddler clothes. Our tiny she-twin got hand-me-downs from her far bigger he-twin. At least with two she-twins, Sadie won’t have to cross-dress…)

    | December 14, 2008 @ 8:37 pm

  10. Anna Tempt said,

    You know, I think you are totally on to something there with the supermodel thing — supermodels need a really good backstory… like how at one year they still only weighed 14 pounds. Also, she’s a cutie. Also, you’re funny.
    I’ve only just got here, but all the best to you both.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 8:55 pm

  11. Mommy Melee said,

    I’m glad you can stay wacky about this. I’d waver between attempted humor and bawling. You’re the man.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

  12. Bec said,

    That all sounds very familiar – well not the pain med thing *rolls eyes – how could they not prescribe her anything??* but the IV bag and tubes and learning how to use pumps (Erin had an NGT until I pulled it).

    Also, welcome back to the world of saying words that make people look at your like your insane. Gravage, bolus etc etc etc.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 11:21 pm

  13. sam {temptingmama} said,

    Dude, no matter the size, that kid is stinking CUTE!

    I really hope things are taking a turn for the better… but you know, when she`s a teenager she`s going to be cursing you for fattening her up! LOL

    | December 14, 2008 @ 11:39 pm

  14. Linda said,

    She is SO beautiful. Seriously. Of course you know that, but seriously.Breathtakingly beautiful.

    I hope this goes smoothly and that you get so good at blobusing/bolusing? that you become the national spokeswoman for “how to get a fat baby”.

    Bless her little heart.Bless yours.
    Get chubby Sadie!!

    | December 14, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

  15. clarkie300 said,

    What an amazing attitude you have, and such strength! My friends daughter is almost 1 and also about 14 pounds. To beef her up she has to feed her extra fat, like butter, oil etc. added to her food.

    | December 14, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

  16. KLS said,

    That’s a great picture. I’m in awe that you’re still able to be funny. Hang in there!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 12:12 am

  17. CaraBee said,

    So glad to hear that things are on the up and up! Your list is awesome! Many of those are things I have said to people when they commented on how small my daughter was. It was either that or fuck you and for some reason I feel guilty about telling off mostly nice little old ladies at the craft store.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 12:18 am

  18. Immoral Matriarch said,

    I had a 14 pound 1 year old too! We’re fucking twins, I knew it.

    I think it’s amazing that you’re able to go through this and still have a sense of humor about it. It can be so hard, I’m sure.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 12:51 am

  19. WA said,

    OMG, those are the SAME benefits that come with being MY weight. Well, my thigh, anyway. I’m pretty sure it’s around 14 pounds, depending on if I happen to be sweating or something.
    (And she’s a gorgeous baby.)

    | December 15, 2008 @ 1:36 am

  20. Beth said,

    Love love love your post, as always. You always can find the “bright side” which is such a wonderful trait to have! Adam has always been a “lightweight” — 19 lbs. at 1 — 5th%ile. People used to be *shocked* to see such a tiny baby walking at 1! You’re right about the clothes… he wore 6-12 month clothes until 18 months, I think! Plus, in my opinion, “lightweights” wear their little outfits so well… especially jeans! My friends with more “heavyset” kiddos can’t even fit into them… they’re all Adam wears! Male Supermodel future, indeed!

    So glad that Sadie’s surgery went well and you all are recuperating. A blogger friend of mine’s kid also had a feeding tube put in about 6 months ago and he’s doing phenomenal with the weight/height gain. I’m sure in no time you’ll be a pro with all the apparatus. Thinking of you and that gorgeous litle Sadie!!!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 1:48 am

  21. Ms. Wobbly Bits said,

    SHe lucky to have a mommy like you!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 3:28 am

  22. Betty and Boo's Mommy said,

    What a cutie in that photo! She’s adorable. Thinking of you … hang in there.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 3:45 am

  23. Other Mother said,

    She’s gorgeous! The feeding stuff will get better – it gets much easier, and will be second nature after a while. An advantage: we just had a round of the stomach flu, and with our little guy, I just switched him to pedialyte, kept his weight and hydration up, and he did better than the rest of us.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 4:43 am

  24. liz.mccarthy said,

    Glad Sadie made it through the surgery (and you did too) having a child go under is one of the hardest things to deal with.

    What type of pump do you have? Normally hosptials send you home with a kangaroo (which are crappy) if you don’t havec one alredy, request a Zevex, they can pump upside down unlike a kangarro. Tube feeding is a lot of work until you get the hang of it (and learn from others, as you won’t learn from the docs). again, let me know if I can help!

    Liz M

    http://www.micropreemies.com

    | December 15, 2008 @ 6:15 am

  25. liz.mccarthy said,

    Also be aware of the dreaded “feed the fed” syndrome, where the bag disconnects in the middle of the night (while you are attempting to sleep) and you end up feeding an entire bag of food in the bed (just lovely to wake up to a screaming wet baby!).

    | December 15, 2008 @ 6:22 am

  26. Rachael said,

    I’m so glad it’s going okay and that you got her some pain meds! She is so freaking cute. And, number 1 made me crack up.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 6:43 am

  27. Cat said,

    Hang in there – those feeling tubes are intimidating, but it will definitely “fatten her ass up”, and that’s all that matters. She is so freaking darling, I want to suck her little eyeballs in that photo.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 2:24 pm

  28. Jen said,

    You are just as funny as your baby is cute. That is to say, very.

    Pack on those pounds Sadie!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 2:43 pm

  29. Wicked Step Mom said,

    I am so glad that you can still find the humor in this. Because, I don’t think I could even come up with the “Future as a supermodel” joke in your shoes!

    Stay strong! I know you can get through this. And Sadie, hang tough kiddo! You will be a big girl soon!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 2:58 pm

  30. April said,

    yay for seeing the bright side! and good drugs :-)

    be careful with the codeine with tylenol though, it will stop them up gooood. make sure she’s getting something with a laxative effect too.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 3:38 pm

  31. Lisa said,

    It is horrible to have your baby be in pain. She definitely looks happy now.
    Love the top ten list!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

  32. Jo said,

    Darn those clueless GI docs! Grrr. And sorry for all the new stress. It gets better, I promise. Feel free to email me if you need any extra support. Sadie is DARLING!!!

    | December 15, 2008 @ 5:12 pm

  33. Jo said,

    P.S. My thought about the bolus feed is that I would be surprised to find out she could tolerate a bolus feed so close to surgery. My boy certainly could not, and actually, still can’t. Perhaps a slower rate on the pump during the day, or a VERY slow gravity bolus feed? Hope that helps.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 5:25 pm

  34. MereCat said,

    Oh she looks so happy though. This is going to do it! I just know it. And your sense of humor is brilliant, of course.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 6:36 pm

  35. Anonymous said,

    good luck

    | December 15, 2008 @ 7:19 pm

  36. BabyShrink said,

    Just wanted to stop by and wish you all a speedy recovery from a very stressful experience — I think one day you’ll look back at this time and it will all (blessedly) be a blur. Hopefully 2009 will be a great new year for you all.

    On another note, you looked MAHVELOUS on Dr. Phil — way to go! I would have had a few choice words to say about those freakish babies myself, but who asked ME ;}
    (It didn’t stop me from providing unsolicited remarks directly to my TV right along with you, though!)

    | December 15, 2008 @ 7:22 pm

  37. BabyShrink said,

    PS after reading my comment I’m afraid those who DIDN’T catch the Dr. Phil episode will think I’m bagging on YOUR babies — au contraire, your babies are gorgeous — I was commenting on the weird almost-real baby dolls the guests on the Dr. Phil show were obsessed with. (Who even has TIME for that, not to mention the $$$?!)

    | December 15, 2008 @ 7:25 pm

  38. Sandra said,

    She gets the cutest baby award no doubt.

    I’m glad she’s doing well. Thankfully she won’t remember ANY OF THIS pain or craziness that’s happening to her. Take lots of pictures because she’ll be curious later about all the special treatment she required. I know my 7 year old asks me many questions about her days in the NICU. She’s fascinated by all the wires that came out of her nose (G-tube) and IV’s etc. She thinks they all make her very special and it does! She likes to brag now about her preemie status. It’s cute.

    | December 15, 2008 @ 7:33 pm

  39. TheYoungMommy said,

    Man, you’re great. I love your list. Humor can get you through anything, right? :)

    Tara
    http://theyoungmommylife.com

    | December 16, 2008 @ 1:42 am

  40. EdenSky said,

    How dare they not prescribe pain killers…and I mean for you, because mommies feel their babies pain as much as they do. Hang in there. Sadie could totally be a model, gorgeous!

    | December 16, 2008 @ 2:27 am

  41. Momma Trish said,

    Just found you through The Bloggess. I have a son who had similar issues. He never did have the tube put in, but it was discussed continually during his first three years of life. He is now 3-1/2, weighs around 25 pounds, and is about the height of a 2-year old. But he is finally starting to eat some on his own and in time, he will catch up.

    Good that you got the tube. Sadie needs some help, and she has great parents and doctors who will see that she gets it. If Sadie continues as a non-eater as a toddler, you may want to seek out the advice of Dr. Kay Toomey (Toomey & Associates in Denver). Her method is the one that has been working for our boy. I wish we'd known about her earlier.

    She's sure a cute little girl!

    All the best. You will all get through this and be fine at the end of the day.

    | December 16, 2008 @ 3:26 am

  42. courtney said,

    Skinny or not, she’s SO cute. Look at that face!

    You’re doing a great job and Sadie knows it. I’m sending lots of fat vibes to you guys.

    | December 16, 2008 @ 3:41 am

  43. Laura said,

    I pink puffy heart you forever!! You are so dead on about having a teeny-tiny IUGR baby. We have yet another GI appointment Jan 5th and I’m terrified we will be following in your foot steps. My guys are 8.5mos and just starting to wear their 3-6mos clothes. Hang in there, I’m counting on you to laugh me through thus stuff too!

    | December 16, 2008 @ 3:50 am

  44. goodfather said,

    Sadie is adorable. Sending weight gain thoughts her way.

    | December 16, 2008 @ 2:36 pm

  45. Surcie said,

    Angel face!

    I love how you can be going through hell but still cracking jokes. How do you DO that, anyway?

    | December 16, 2008 @ 7:03 pm

  46. Vanessa said,

    Not more than 5 minutes ago I stumbled upon your blog and already like you. Your daughter Sadie is adorable, your writing is honest and witty and real. I hope she continues on the mend.

    | December 16, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

  47. Susan said,

    Okay, she’s adorable and yes, she may very well be headed for supermodeldom. But she’s most fortunate for her hysterical mom and her mom’s ability to see the humor in the scariest of situations. I love reading about Elby and Matilda as well as the rest of your life but I”ll take all the Sadie you want to write about! I leave you with a dangling preposition.

    | December 18, 2008 @ 8:08 pm

  48. Kelsey said,

    What a beauty!

    I cannot imagine the stress of all of this for you. . . we’ve had our own preemie adventure here this year, but it has not been on quite the same scale.

    I applaud your grace and humor and am sending all kinds of positive thoughts for you.

    | December 19, 2008 @ 2:09 am

  49. Gwendolyn Peregrine said,

    Thanks for the list! I also had a 14 pound 1-year-old and the only ones I had thought of was the longevity of clothing and the car seat. :)

    Good luck Mama and Sadie. :)

    | December 21, 2008 @ 7:22 pm

  50. isimsiz said,

    thnks

    | December 22, 2008 @ 7:44 am

  51. sesi said,

    thnks

    | December 24, 2008 @ 11:32 pm

  52. sarah said,

    Ethan was 16lbs @ one year and your list of positives applied to him, too. 😉

    To this day, when anyone with a “normal” sized toddler goes to pick him up, they tend to almost throw him over their heads b/c he’s so light in comparison to their own behemoths, I mean, normal-sized kids.

    Hope Sadie’s doing well (as well as the rest of you). You’ve been through so much with her this year–you’re an amazing mom.

    | December 29, 2008 @ 4:57 am

  53. Kyla said,

    We don’t do continuous feeds with KayTar, only bolus…but it ALL gets easier. There was discomfort in the beginning, but now she doesn’t mind her feeds at all. We love her button.

    | December 30, 2008 @ 10:42 pm

  54. How to Party with an Infant said,

    OMg, this top ten list made me feel so wrong for laughing.

    | January 5, 2009 @ 11:47 pm

  55. zalim said,

    thnks

    | January 9, 2009 @ 2:37 pm

  56. alperen said,

    thnks

    | January 14, 2009 @ 11:45 am

  57. Necey said,

    I don’t know you, but I get where you are coming from. I have twin girls. One typical, one…not so typical. They just turned 7 years old. My typical daughter is about 70-75 lbs, my other daughter is 36 lbs. I WISH she had been 14 lbs at 1 year old! At 8months, she wasn’t 5 pounds yet. We never had to do a G-tube because she steadily gained weight…but it was by no means a LOT of weight! Know that you are not alone!

    | January 27, 2009 @ 4:00 am

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