So in the interest of always maintaining my insane level of disclosure and honesty even at the risk of sounding like a crazy person – although, it may just make you all even more understanding of why I need to be medicated – yesterday I had a complete freak out that I was doing the wrong thing going the G-tube route. I suddenly felt that I hadn’t fully researched it and was just doing what the doctor said because it made a lot of sense at the time. I know I’m not in control of everything and I’m definitely not in control of Sadie circumstances but on the other hand, I can work a little harder at getting more nutrition into her. I phoned her nutritionist who was kind enough to talk to me about at least postponing her surgery for a month to see what else we can do.
The thing is, besides being small and not eating enough, Sadie has no other medical issues as far as we can tell. And she eats close to the amount of what she would be getting even with the G-tube, so yes, I’m an obsessive fickle freak but I’m just keeping you all up to date. I see her surgeon for the consult today and although I’m going to go in and hear him out I’m going to ask if we can put this off a bit longer.
Someone anonymously added a comment to a post I wrote awhile ago about anxiety where I stated that I have a tendency to dig my nail into the soft spot in the middle of my thumb when I’m nervous. I have a pretty good callous there. This person said she’s never admitted before to anyone but she does the same thing and when she goes for a nail appointment she gets asked about it and it embarrasses her. Well, guess what, anonymous, this should make you feel even better. I have another habit which is even worse and more embarrassing. I have a tendency to pull and pick at my hair on top of my scalp when I’m stressed out. Apparently there is a medical term for this called tricotillomania which can be much worse than the type I have. I’ve been doing this since I was eleven years old and I can’t stop. I pray every time I change hair dressers that they won’t mention the tiny little hairless spot on top of my head because it’s humiliating. The other day another writer friend of mine told me that she pulls out her bangs when she writes and it was such a relief to hear someone else does this strange thing too. So, if any of you out there have a strange or embarrassing habit, you are welcome to share. It’s safe! No judgement here! And seriously, I’d never talked to anyone about my scalp/hair pulling thing before either so we’re all sharing. Let’s sing Kum Ba Ya!