Okay, I wasn’t actually attacked “per se” but, there was a confrontation. I had just pulled into my driveway with my daughter and her BFF in the minivan. Elby’s friend got out first, followed immediately by Elby who was very possibly crying because “I wanted to go first!” but while I was gathering Elby’s belongings to follow them into the house, suddenly Elby’s friend yelled, “Hey, Tina (she calls me Tina – long story), there’s a big doggy out here.” I hopped out of the car not at all alarmed because truthfully, I was only half listening since up until that moment they’d been arguing about who was the more beautiful princess, Aurora or Ariel – which is ridiculous because it’s so obviously Ariel.
Sure enough, I came face to jowls with a pitball that had to weigh more than both the Olson twins put together. It was gray, hungry, not neutered and had its tail slightly between its legs which made me suspect it could be nervous and therefore unstable. Oh, and HELLO, like I said it was a PITBULL.
I told both the girls to calmly get back in the van and I followed them in and closed the door. Then while the girls played “let’s tease the dangerous looking doggy from the window” I called the local animal shelter. They promptly told me that they don’t pick up strays and I’d have to call Los Angeles animal control. I was just looking for advice, not for someone to come get the dog but since the pitbull seemed to be stalking our car like we were in the middle of a wild animal park, I called. Naturally, I was on hold for a half hour during which time the dog circled the car and eventually walked around the side of my house. I never did get through to anyone so I crept out of the car quietly, closed the car door behind me, went to my front door, opened it slightly, peeked back around the house, got the girls out of the car and told them to run into the house.
Once everyone was safely inside I went out to investigate. I walked around to the side of the house and there was the dog, waiting for me and acting a bit growly. So I went back in and called the local firestation. “What should I do?” I asked. “My nanny will be walking up the street any minute with my baby girls and I’ve seen the news, I know how giant angry pitbulls love babies.
“I don’t know. Shoot it?” came the fire fighter’s response.
“Is that your official advice?” I asked, since we were currently a little shy on firearms at my house.
“No. I’ll send someone to come check it out.” About a half hour later, four pretty cute firemen came over and found the dog right where I’d last seen him. They trapped him on the side of my house and called animal control themselves. Then the lead guy – the one with a mustache (I’m kidding – they all had a mustache) told me not to think about it. Oh, sure, right.
I am a major dog lover – pitbull or not so I decided to give the dog some food and water. Since we don’t have a dog though (we would but with three kids I’d need to triple up on my Xanax to deal with pets right now) I had nothing great to give him. But he seemed to enjoy the Dino nuggets I heated up. He gobbled up about thirty of them. Luckily I had the bigassed Cost Co. box.
Finally, animal control came and got him. He had no tags just a big leather collar with metal spikes.
I didn’t want him eating my kids or any other kids in the neighborhood, but I also very much hope his owners found him because I feel sick thinking that he would be put to sleep. Please please put tags on your dogs. I’m going to put tags on my children who luckily still think this is a funny thing that happened.