So I was about to submit some jokes for the last page of Radar magazine but the day I was going to do it, the magazine shut down. This is just my luck with lots of things. But just so it doesn’t completely go to waste, I’ll put my submission here to see what you think. I don’t know if you’ve read the last page of Radar but they do 100 things list every month. The one they gave me to write jokes for was 100 Ways to Survive the Recession.
Here you go:
100 Ways to Survive the Recession
Downgrade Clay Aiken fan club status from Platinum to Premier.
Take up a collection in your office to help you fight your battle against Restless Leg Syndrome.
Why pricy condoms when Saran wrap and a twist tie cost just pennies?
Switch from Sudafed to the less expensive generic decongestant to supply your meth lab.
Get back to working full time and stalking your ex part time.
Invest an extra hour a day to file a lot more frivolous lawsuits.
No more telling Kirstie Alley “Lunch is on me.”
Instead of buying it new, wait for Nailin’ Palin to get released on Netflix
Make the switch from Freudian therapy to aroma-therapy.
When it comes to dental floss, employ the buddy system.
Claim your other five personalities as deductions on your taxes.
Find that Bangladeshi kid you sponsored in the 80’s and collect with 9 percent compound interest.