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10 Ways To Survive the Recession

So I was about to submit some jokes for the last page of Radar magazine but the day I was going to do it, the magazine shut down. This is just my luck with lots of things. But just so it doesn’t completely go to waste, I’ll put my submission here to see what you think. I don’t know if you’ve read the last page of Radar but they do 100 things list every month. The one they gave me to write jokes for was 100 Ways to Survive the Recession.

Here you go:

100 Ways to Survive the Recession
Downgrade Clay Aiken fan club status from Platinum to Premier.

Take up a collection in your office to help you fight your battle against Restless Leg Syndrome.

Why pricy condoms when Saran wrap and a twist tie cost just pennies?

Switch from Sudafed to the less expensive generic decongestant to supply your meth lab.

Get back to working full time and stalking your ex part time.

Invest an extra hour a day to file a lot more frivolous lawsuits.

No more telling Kirstie Alley “Lunch is on me.”

Instead of buying it new, wait for Nailin’ Palin to get released on Netflix

Make the switch from Freudian therapy to aroma-therapy.

When it comes to dental floss, employ the buddy system.

Claim your other five personalities as deductions on your taxes.

Find that Bangladeshi kid you sponsored in the 80’s and collect with 9 percent compound interest.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on October 30, 2008 6:01 pmUncategorized29 comments  

29 Comments

  1. Carolyn...Online said,

    “Nailin’ Palin” That’s just too good.

    | October 30, 2008 @ 6:32 pm

  2. Mrs. B. Roth said,

    Here’s a couple more I’m considering:

    Open a Etsy shop and sell your kids’ finger paintings. Try a BOGO sale.

    Let your two year old run around all day diaperless, telling people you are “trying the potty training thing again” (this doesn’t seem to work as well for the 6 month old, though, FYI).

    | October 30, 2008 @ 6:44 pm

  3. miko564 said,

    Thanks, after “Saran Wrap/Twist Tie” everybody is looking to try to figure out my belly laugh followed by my “Owwwww”. They think I pulled something.

    I skip the middle man and take directly from the church collection plate.

    | October 30, 2008 @ 7:00 pm

  4. Marinka said,

    These are great recession busters, I can’t believe you’re giving them to us for free!

    | October 30, 2008 @ 7:08 pm

  5. Aunt Becky said,

    Sadly, we’ve only ever used the saran wrap condoms. Perhaps that would explain the recent pregnancy?

    | October 30, 2008 @ 7:44 pm

  6. cIII said,

    Also.

    Coffee Filters and Toilet Paper….
    Same thing.

    Just not at the Same time.

    | October 30, 2008 @ 8:25 pm

  7. Andrea's Sweet Life said,

    I am seriously going to have to try a couple of those.

    | October 30, 2008 @ 8:25 pm

  8. Anita Doberman said,

    Awesome and hilarious! Also the comment about the running around diaperless is great advice – I should probably try it with six little ones :)

    | October 30, 2008 @ 10:36 pm

  9. April said,

    When it comes to dental floss, employ the buddy system.

    LMAO. and, gross.

    | October 31, 2008 @ 12:57 am

  10. Jamie said,

    Great post

    So funny!!

    | October 31, 2008 @ 1:13 am

  11. Sally HP said,

    This is Hilarious!
    I wish I was quick enough tonight to add to the collection…

    | October 31, 2008 @ 1:57 am

  12. Oz said,

    The dental floss line is especially hilarious

    | October 31, 2008 @ 3:20 am

  13. Y said,

    I love you, woman.

    | October 31, 2008 @ 3:39 am

  14. Threeundertwo said,

    I feel richer already!

    | October 31, 2008 @ 4:12 am

  15. LiteralDan said,

    Restless Leg Syndrome beats out Clay Aiken and Kirstie Alley by a toe.

    I’m too burnt out to contribute my own item, which saddens me. But then, I probably wouldn’t improve upon this.

    | October 31, 2008 @ 4:22 am

  16. WA said,

    These are genius AND would have saved RADAR from folding if they’d just waited long enough to use them.

    And I wish I would have heard your Nailin’ Palin tip before I pre-ordered it from Hustler.com.

    | October 31, 2008 @ 12:26 pm

  17. Cat said,

    Shhot I should NOT have pre-ordered Nailin’ Palin! What was I thinking?

    | October 31, 2008 @ 2:14 pm

  18. Catwoman said,

    Hilarious! Although, I don’t care HOW BAD things might get, I will give up food before I downgrade my Clay Aikan fan club membership.

    | October 31, 2008 @ 11:34 pm

  19. MichelleB said,

    Thanks for the tips, these are great! Me and my hubby celebrated our 10th anniversary without blowing our budget even under the recession.

    He surprised me with a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings from http://www.idonowidont.com and got a good deal. So even with the economy the way it is, we still like to celebrate our love within our budget.

    | October 31, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

  20. kayla said,

    very awesome blog some how i found you looking for things on our sons birth defect esophageal atresia. I wish you nothing but the best.

    | November 3, 2008 @ 1:34 am

  21. goodfather said,

    Ha ha, nice! Love the dental floss buddy system.

    I tried the saran wrap condoms. Yeah, four kids and counting…

    | November 3, 2008 @ 4:26 am

  22. Lil Mouse said,

    just what i needed in my haze. thanks.

    | November 3, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

  23. Backpacking Dad said,

    I can’t decide if the “ex-stalking” or “Nailin’ Palin” one is my favourite.

    Because, dude, they’re funny because they’re true.

    | November 3, 2008 @ 11:39 pm

  24. courtney said,

    Hahaha, those are great. My favorites were the saran wrap and the Clay Aiken one.

    | November 4, 2008 @ 3:25 am

  25. Wicked Step Mom said,

    LOL… Did you consider adding “only use the internet in hotel parking lots and/or restaurants that offer happy meals”?

    | November 5, 2008 @ 12:54 am

  26. Anonymous said,

    Fat jokes = not funny

    | November 5, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

  27. alperen said,

    thnks

    | December 22, 2008 @ 7:54 am

  28. alperen said,

    thnks

    | January 14, 2009 @ 11:48 am

  29. Anonymous said,

    I would say also take total control over every penny of your money. On the spending side don’t wait until they call it a depression, act as if you are in one already and move into a full belt tightening mode. I say cut all luxury and “wants” spending leaving only the true “needs” on the list. Make a mental switch to move away from the wasteful mentality that sucked us all in, and move into the “re-use, re-cycle, conserve, repair” mentality.

    The single most important tool to help with all this is the good old budget, if you did not get into budgeting by now, now is the time. Find a good online budgeting site like the Out-Of-The-Dark (OOTD) which is free and anonymous to use too ( http://www.myexp.org/OOTD_gate.php ) and start taking control of your spending without delay.

    Good luck

    | March 9, 2009 @ 7:34 pm

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