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Top Reasons Why Men May Have Broken Up with Me

Now, most men are not exactly honest when it comes to why they don’t want to sleep with you, date you or live happily ever after with you. Here are some things that may have played a part. Of course, maybe I’m a little paranoid too. Not everyone is as shallow as I am.

1. Cried on a first date. More than once.

2. On a double date I once made out with the “other guy.”

3. Maybe I’m not as good at oral sex as I believe I am? Naaah.

4. Tendency to listen to the same song over and over like a hundred thousand times.

5. Calling a guy once and when he didn’t call back, called three more times just to “check in.”

6. I have bad taste in shoes prefering to wear mostly black and chunky as opposed to a lady like heel.

7. Could I, God forbid, have ever had a bad smell “down there?”

8. Too needy.

9. He might’ve got a good long daylight look at my cellulite.

10. I talk waaay too much.

11. Too many talks about “our relationship” “where it’s going?” “do you see yourself getting married?” “how soon?”

12. Once pronounced the word lapel in a way that made it rhyme with staple.

13. Did I mention the neediness thing? Do you want to talk to me about my neediness? Why not? Do you not care about me? It really seems like maybe you’re not into this!

14. My second toe is much bigger than my big toe.

15. Once a guy I was making out with asked me if penis size was important to me and I laughed. Not the right response seeing as I never saw said penis nor did I ever hear from the guy again.

16. Tried the “Rules.” That shit can backfire.

17. Called a guy a fucking asshole on a second date.

18. Mistook a f**k buddy as a blossoming relationship and insisted he take me out to a movie. Most uncomfortable 2 hours ever.

19. Spent an entire first date talking about the guy that just broke up with me.

20. Got drunk and puked on a guy’s bathmat. But he didn’t break up with me, he married me.

Guys, please chime in on some reasons you’ve broken up with a woman that may have never guessed.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 5, 2008 6:28 pmUncategorized40 comments  

40 Comments

  1. surcie said,

    If it’s possible, this list is even funnier than the last!

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:06 pm

  2. merlotmom said,

    You are cracking me up, sistah. I think you should start a meme or a carnival with this. It is hee-sterical.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:24 pm

  3. junebug67 said,

    Hey, I did #20 too! But I did make it to the toilet rather than the bathmat. My husband loves to tell this story to friends!

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:28 pm

  4. Middle Aged woman said,

    List number three. You got around, girl.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:33 pm

  5. Mama Ginger Tree said,

    You really need to learn to laugh at yourself more. Just my 2 cents.

    Actually, that was damn funny.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:45 pm

  6. Stefanie said,

    Hey mama ginger, I thought I was laughing at myself. am I being too easy on myself?

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:47 pm

  7. Rebecca said,

    my mum has that toe thing going on. i’m sure someone broke up with her for it because it’s just freaky!

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:48 pm

  8. Petunia Face said,

    I’ve done all of the above and more.

    “What are you thinking?” “What about now? What are you thinking now?”

    “Hold me?”

    | August 5, 2008 @ 7:59 pm

  9. Janeabelle said,

    How about “throwing a guys shoes in the river and making him walk home (about a mile) barefoot”…

    | August 5, 2008 @ 8:17 pm

  10. LaLa said,

    I have to post this anonymously because I am too afraid that families I work with may see it.

    I spent a weekend with my boyfriend’s Michigan family back in 1987. That Saturday night he and I went out with some college buddies and drank too much. When we arrived back to my boyfriend’s
    famiy’s house I immediately went to bed in the guest room.
    Then I wet the bed in the middle of the night. I had to get up in my stupor and go their basement and wash all the sheets and blankets etc. I sat there for two hours miserable.
    Yes, I did break up with that boyfriend eventually without him ever knowing.
    11 years later though. I married him.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 8:19 pm

  11. Stefanie said,

    I love it La la! this is getting fun.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 8:22 pm

  12. Janeabelle said,

    Should I mention that I was hammered, or is that implied?

    | August 5, 2008 @ 8:23 pm

  13. Lala said,

    I cried while slow dancing (to “Still” by the Commodores)with my date at my senior prom because the guy I REALLY wanted to be with was with someone else. And when my prom date ASKED me why I was crying I TOLD him!!! Though once enamored with me….I think that moment killed his crush.
    I could go on FOR DAYS here. But since this is NOT my blog (I found it on Cheryl’s blog) I will stop with this.

    Okay wait…my FIRST boyfriend that lasted more than 2 months was not actually someone I liked. BUT I had never broken up with anyone (I was always the dumpee) so I didn’t know HOW to break up. But I was done with this guy and I avoided him all the time. One time I hid in the closet of my dorm room while he asked my friend where I was. THEN he stayed and VISITED for over an HOUR. ….and there my sorry, pathetic behind sat in the closet.
    That’s a sad little memory.
    Thank you for this therapy session.
    .

    | August 5, 2008 @ 8:34 pm

  14. Aunt Becky said,

    How about telling him I might be pregnant and that he wasn’t the father. Oh, and that the results of my latest AIDS test weren’t yet in.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 8:50 pm

  15. Denise Thomas said,

    Now, these, THESE, are superficial reasons to break up with someone.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 9:08 pm

  16. zellmer said,

    That isn’t how you pronounce lapel?

    | August 5, 2008 @ 9:12 pm

  17. Mama Ginger Tree said,

    I was kidding. I love your sense of humor!

    | August 5, 2008 @ 9:25 pm

  18. Cheryl Lage said,

    Not sure if he broke up with me because
    A.) I told him no, I’m so sorry I wouldn’t sleep with him

    or

    B.) He was embarrassed because he thought I was such a shoo-in he ‘fessed up to be being a virgin before asking.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 9:36 pm

  19. Suzy said,

    Maybe you should pull a Judy Brown and ‘use’ some of these for your next book. Why Men Broke Up With Me. As the person who came up with this brilliant idea, I of course want a 97% cut.

    I once met a girl who said no guy had ever broken up with her and I laughed so hard that the whole party stopped talking just to watch me wipe AWAY MY TEARS. To this day she insists that it never has happened.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 10:36 pm

  20. Deezee said,

    On my first visit to meet my boyfriend’s family in Siberia (yes, Siberia), I came down with the stomach flu and during the night tried to run to the outhouse to throw up. (yeah, no indoor plumbing.) I only made it as far as the vegetable garden. Yeah, puked all over their vegetable garden in a part of the world where they grow all the food they eat.

    Yeah, and that boyfriend married me, too. What is it with men and puking?

    (oh, should I ruin the romance of this by saying we did eventually get divorced, though I initiated that one…)

    btw, you so made me laugh out loud with this one!

    | August 5, 2008 @ 10:55 pm

  21. Backpacking Dad said,

    The only time I ever broke up with a girl it was because I was graduating high school and going to college and she still had a year left.

    Lame.

    But it was then or never, as in I was going to have to marry her because I’m no good at breaking up with girls. And 18 is too young to be married.

    I married the girl I moved in with at 19. Much older and wiser by then.

    | August 5, 2008 @ 11:18 pm

  22. Lil Mouse said,

    hilarious and my hubby swears #7 isn’t possible. who knows?

    | August 5, 2008 @ 11:39 pm

  23. CaraBee said,

    My top reasons for being dumped:
    1. I change the radio station as soon as something I don’t like comes on – commercial, bad song, etc. This seems to bother most of the men I’ve dated although I really don’t understand why.
    2. Stinky feet.
    3. Passing out in the middle of sex. And yes, it was that bad.
    4. Leaving a framed picture of me and an ex-boyfriend on my dresser for like a year. Not because I still loved him but because it was one of those rare pictures that I actually felt I looked good in. New boyfriend = not amused.
    5. Drunk dialing a guy after one date and leaving a message on his machine telling him how much I missed him. He didn’t call back.

    Amazingly, I did manage to rope one dummy in for a permanent gig.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 12:16 am

  24. Always Home and Uncool said,

    Usually, I just sobered up and went “DANG! I did WHAT? With YOU?”

    Sigh. I miss high school.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 12:23 am

  25. Carolyn...Online said,

    My lame date wanted to leave the party and I didn’t – because I’m so fun – so I hid in the bathtub. With a Miller Lite box on my head. And he found me in there.

    He so should have dumped me. But no, we’re married.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 2:12 am

  26. tammiemarie said,

    How about getting wasted at a pond party and running around with a turkey decoy under your arm, saying it was your only friend? In front of his extended family? On Easter weekend? And getting extremely sunburnt when I passed out in my bra? Is that a superficial reason?

    | August 6, 2008 @ 2:32 pm

  27. Undomestic Diva said,

    #14 has fucked up a few potential relationships for me too. Goddamn toe.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

  28. Mike said,

    Very funny. Of course after reading your list and realizing I’ve done quite a few of them myself I’m going to have my testostrone levels checked and make sure I’m still “man enough”.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 4:30 pm

  29. HeatherPride said,

    This post is too hysterical! The cellulite fear is on every woman’s mind, I think. And let me know if the second toe turns out to be an issue. Secretly I was mad when my baby girl was born with a giant second toe, which is totally the fault of my husband’s.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 4:38 pm

  30. iVegasFamily said,

    Great post. I have another reason.

    She got drunk on the first date and accidently peed on the passenger seat of my car.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

  31. LiteralDan said,

    Most of these are not a huge deal, some are cringe-worthy, but the only ones really worth breaking up over are #16, obviously, and #12.

    Call me fastidious or any other multi-syllabic snobby word you want, but the only reason I will even continue to read your blog after this is because you admitted this horrible secret, and in just the right shame-inviting light that proves you will never do something like this again.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 6:10 pm

  32. putty said,

    I admit I can be superficial or shallow. One girl I dated was very cute but her laugh drove me insane. Not good. Had a date with another girl and her nose was off. I couldn’t pinpoint it, but at a certain angle it was just not attractive. I also broke up with a girl because she had a penis. Actually, truth be told I didn’t break up with her. She broke up with me. But when she did I was really relieved. Okay, heartbroken. Jeez.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 9:40 pm

  33. Stefanie said,

    Putty, it sounds like you may have some issues. But I’m not judging. I love you just as God made you.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 10:07 pm

  34. Putty said,

    Maybe you misread. It’s not how God made me, it’s how God made that woman. Really poor planning, if you ask me.

    | August 6, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

  35. cog said,

    I’ve never dumped a girl. I just let the restraining orders take care of that.

    | August 7, 2008 @ 5:10 am

  36. PAPA said,

    Reasons I broke up with a girl:
    She had dumb books on her bookshelf
    She loved the real world…but only on tv
    She culdn’t rite good
    She LOL
    She lived east to my west coast
    She made fake sex faces. I’m good – not THAT good.
    She thought Legally Blond was a good movie
    She didn’t like when I took pictures of her
    Her ex boyfriend was called Frank
    She talked with her mouth open and said Yeah, yeah, yeah
    When my car broke, she said Let me fix it!
    She broke my car.

    | August 7, 2008 @ 6:05 pm

  37. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said,

    So puking on the bathmat is the key.

    Who knew?

    | August 7, 2008 @ 9:01 pm

  38. iheartchocolate said,

    That’s hilarious, all of it! I wish I had something to add. My husband and I were too codependant not to marry. All the others, I still don’t know why..was it my laugh, or my books, or my nose? I guess I’ll never know.

    | August 8, 2008 @ 1:57 am

  39. Teresa said,

    Me too….#20. Looks like a winner in the ‘how to get a guy to marry you department’. Love the blog!

    Teresa

    | August 13, 2008 @ 5:15 pm

  40. Suburban Turmoil said,

    I have a friend who’s an artist. He had been working on a $20,000 commissioned painting for months and briefly took a blind date to his studio to see it before driving her home. He ducked into the bathroom and when he came out, she was standing there with an opened can of purple paint and a paintbrush. Yep. She had very drunkenly “made it better.”

    I think that might have something to do with why he never asked her out again.

    | August 16, 2008 @ 1:49 am

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