Hey everyone, I know we’ve been hearing a lot about little, tiny Sadie’s troubles with weight gain and her frequent doctor visits and blah, blah, blah…yeah, even I’m tired of it. It’s about time I got out of my own head and starting dealing with what really matters, you know, things that are going on in the real world. Turns out, something pretty monumental happened to someone we all know and love and here I’ve been obsessing on my own petty problems. I’m sure I don’t need to spell it out for you but: Jen and John Mayer are no more. Oh yeah, they broke up. Kaput. Over. Done and done. And I’ve been inconsolable all morning – I mean, not into the afternoon cause that would be a bit crazy.
But are we expected to just move on with our lives when something so tragic has happened to America’s sweetheart? Just sit idly by while Jennifer suffers through yet another painful break-up? Not just any break up but she lost the prize that is John Mayer. I’ve talked about him before. Such an awesome guy – his candor when it comes to discussing tits, who’s a great lay, how hard bitches are to get rid of, yum…the list goes on. Oh also, how he was recently spotted in a hot tub with another woman…listen, could she be a little needy? Sure. Maybe she Blackberried him too much, bought him too many Cartier watches, lobbied for his music in her movies, said loving things like “BUT WHEN WILL YOU CALL ME?” But all is not lost. Jen, if you’re reading this, there are still some catches out there who I’m sure will find your body a “Wonderland.” What about Billy Crudup? Sure he bailed on Mary Louise Parker when she was 8 months pregnant but he’s broken up with Claire Danes now! You could totally get him!
Good luck Jen!!