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Dear Crabby…

Hi, I’m back from Maryland where I did a little correspondant work for the Dr. Phil show. I will tell you all about it after I tape the actual show tomorrow!

Anyway, on to this week’s installment of Dear Crabby. If I don’t answer your question this week, look for it this coming Friday!

Dear Crabby,
My husband is helping to plan his best friend’s bachelor party. I feel like he should be supportive of his best friend but I’m not really looking forward to my husband spending a drunken weekend in Vegas oogling and rubbing up against nasty strippers. I asked him how he would feel if I was paying incredibly hot men to show me their junk and rub it against me. He understands my point but thinks that I should just get over it because he isn’t going to get laid or anything. What do you think? Am I overreacting?


Dear Scared of Strippers,
I understand your feelings and I’m sure the majority of women feel similarly to you. But here’s the thing: it’s going to happen anyway. Even if you put your foot down and say, “Babe, it just ain’t happening on my watch” all that would do is make your husband feel that you don’t trust him and are a controlling ball and chain. Neither of us want that. If you say, “Yeah, I get it. Go support your friend and buy him a lapdance on me” he’s going to think you are very cool and look all the more forward to coming back home to you. There are degrees of behavior; it’s normal for a man to go in a pack to a strip club for a bachelor party – it’s just some sort of rite of passage whether we “get it” or not. On the other hand, if your husband was frequenting strip clubs with his buddies for “guys night out” I’d tell him to hit the road. My husband has been to many bachelor parties in Las Vegas since we’ve been married and I don’t love the idea at all that he gets lap dances at these things but I do know that he understands that strippers are “there to make a buck” and not looking for a fine looking man like my husband to fall in love with them. Also, I know many many strippers personally and most of them are pretty haggard up close. Just sayin’.

Dear Crabby,
I have recently purchased a special toy for myself that I like to use when my husband is unavailable. Or when I just have an itch that needs to be scratched without taking care of his needs. Or whenever. My husband doesn’t know about it, and I’m comfortable with that.

The problem is that about 2 days after this new toy arrived in the mail, my father died. Two days after that, he came through on a psychic reading that my friend had, and now I can’t shake the feeling that if I used my new toy, my father would be watching… or if my husband and I did anything outside the regular boundaries of lovemaking, my father would know… how do I shake that feeling?

I’m going to go with my first instinct here: I’m not a licensed psychologist – despite the fact that I enjoy diagnosing people with character disorders on a fairly constant basis – but I think what’s at work here is grief over your father’s death. If your toy came in the mail 2 days after something traumatic happened, you probably can’t help associating the two events in your head a bit. The fact that your dad came through in a psychic reading, whether or not people (even you) believe in that type of thing, makes me think that there was unfinished business or a suddeness to his death that left you needing to connect with him. If that’s true then the fact that you feel your father is watching you would seem a very normal reaction to me. So herein lies the problem: how to get back to normal sexual activity (or kinky as the case may be)? First you need to give yourself time to grieve your father’s passing. Then when you are accepting of the fact that although he is gone, he is looking after you from the afterlife then assume that A) He had plenty of sex in his life and he most certainly masturbated B) He wouldn’t have wanted you to watch either of those activities C) You wouldn’t have wanted to watch him either so D) He wouldn’t want to watch you. So up there in heaven, when you get ready to get yo nasty on, your dad is definitely changing the channel.

Dear Crabby,
I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old girl and pregnant with my second (about 2 months left to go ). My husband’s family lives several hours away and they like to come and visit every few months. I like them all, thank God, and they are good people and all that. But, here’s the problem: I don’t really want them to stay with us anymore. Our house is just too damn small to have people staying with us for extended visits. The occasional overnight is fine, but several days makes me wanna run and hide. There is just not enough room for any breathing space and it feels like we are all always on top of each other. Having a toddler running around and now adding an infant to the mix, not to mention trying to keep my daughter on any sort of normal napping schedule becomes almost impossible with all the activity in the house and then she is cranky and hard to manage which makes the visits even more enjoyable. I want to get the message across without being a Bi-yotch. As said, they are nice people, but also the type that would be offended by this I’m sure of it. I think they feel like since they don’t get to be here all the time they want to make the most of the visit by spending every waking moment with my daughter. Is it rude to ask them to stay at a local hotel for future visits?

This one is sort of a no-brainer. Grow a set and tell them how you feel in a nice way. “Hey guys, things are getting pretty hairy around here in this small space with my growing belly. Seriously, my stomach practically needs its own room! (injecting humor helps take the sting out). We’d obviously love a visit from you, but for now, taking all of our comfort into account, I think having you guys at a nearby hotel would be our best bet. Let me research a few places and set it up.” Simple, to the point, but it does take a little bravery. If they get offended, you can always blame it on the pregnancy hormones. You aren’t being selfish you’re just taking care of yourself. And as long as you offer to help locate a comfortable alternative, you’re doing your part!

Let me know if you all agree or disagree with my advice!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 18, 2008 5:48 pmUncategorized16 comments  

16 Comments

  1. Amy in Ohio said,

    Okay, googled the reborner business – was that a joke or are you serious?

    | August 18, 2008 @ 7:26 pm

  2. surcie said,

    I’m too freaked out at the mention of the dolls to read the rest of the post! How in the world did you get that gig?

    | August 18, 2008 @ 9:00 pm

  3. June said,

    I mostly agree with your comments.

    I am fully understanding of the woman not wanting her in-laws to stay at the house when they are visiting. My grandparents had a trailer that they brought when ever they were visiting. They were able to maintain their sleeping and eating schedual with out disturbing ours. Plus, it is hard to maintain a guest room/space with a house full of young children.

    On the other hand, I highly disagree with soon-to-be husbands, and husbands going to strip club and getting lap dances. I find that very distasteful and immature.

    | August 18, 2008 @ 9:07 pm

  4. Anonymous said,

    ok, I’ll “grow a set” I think I just needed some reassurance!!
    I don’t know about the bachelor party one. My husband and I got married in Vegas and two of his friends came out without their wives and went Frikin crazy and got like a million lap dances and got kicked out of one of the clubs for being too out of control.-and these were normal, nice guys-not crazy losers. That always sticks in my head. I haven’t dealt with this yet since we’ve been married and I wouldn’t want to be the controlling wife, but it seems like theres gotta be SOME limits. or, just plan an even crazier bachlorette party so you can get yours too!

    | August 18, 2008 @ 9:33 pm

  5. GoSuze! said,

    I agree with everything, except in the case of the pregnant mom with the two-year-old. Crabby suggested she grow a set and ask the in-laws to stay at a hotel…I think her beloved husband should grow a PAIR and do all the arranging! Sweet mama is working on making a liver and a pair of eyes this week, she doesn’t need to tippy-toe around the houseguests. My beloved and I have a rule…I corral my family, he corrals his. (This also works because my in-laws are the most annoying people ever. Picture “Deliverance”.)

    | August 18, 2008 @ 10:56 pm

  6. Anonymous said,

    Thanks, I found your advice helpful. I know its the right thing to let him go, its not like he goes all the time. In fact, he thinks most strippers are diseased cokeheads so I don’t think he is going to try to seduce them. I think the part that kills me the most is the thought of our hard earned cash being shoved into some bitch’s sweaty g-string. I’ll just have to try to find some other way to entertain myself while he is gone…the “toy” from the second question gives me an idea….

    | August 19, 2008 @ 12:52 am

  7. Count Mockula said,

    Good advice all around, although I agree with the commenter who said the husband ought to deal with his own family.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 1:18 am

  8. Ms Picket To You said,

    Agree. (You know strippers? Cool.)
    Agree. (And also: could be a good movie. If done right.)
    AGREE. (But harder said than done. And growing a set is work; especially when growing a human being — as no booze is allowed, which could help big time. But mostly agree, with the caveat: that she write it all down before hand. So as not to get side-tracked. And also to remember that she said it. And have proof.)

    | August 19, 2008 @ 1:58 am

  9. Mrs. B. Roth said,

    Yuck. No no no strippers. No other woman is ever allowed to shake her junk anywhere near my guy’s junk. I say it violates all the love, cherish, honor, and forsaking all others … why strippers for bachelor parties anyway? Why not a nice Halo tournament? No, you don’t get to go play all single guy, not for one night, not ever. It might just be a deal breaker for me.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 4:15 am

  10. www.startswithanx.com said,

    Totally agree on the Stripper one. Only acceptable during bachelor parties. Any other time: expect changed locks.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 4:22 am

  11. Rebecca said,

    Yep pretty much agreed. though i also agree with gosuze! everyone needs to deal with their own families. he need to tell them to stay elsewhere.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 9:41 am

  12. Aubrey Anne said,

    Just found your blog, and I’m in L.O.V.E. with it. I’m going to search archives for more fantastically honest advice! Write on.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

  13. Mom to the Girls said,

    Shoot, I wish I could get my hubby to go watch strippers; mine is still all gaga over me! LOL

    As for Outlaws… whatever works!

    | August 19, 2008 @ 2:58 pm

  14. Lil Mouse said,

    I have to disagree with the stripper part. To me, that’s cheating. In fact, that’s the only thing I tell my hubby he CAN’T do. Sorry hon, you’re not going to a strip club or the marriage is over. He went for his bachelor party and I was lied to about it. At first I thought my husband was the one who insisted on the lie, but found out it was one of my brothers who told everyone who went to lie to me and say they went to a club. Needless to say I asked my brand new husband point blank about it. He told me the truth. That honestly he didnt enjoy it and all the woman did was talk about her kids. That he had tried to refuse the lapdance but everyone else was drunk and refused to listen. These are the type of guys that do that sort of thing. whatever. anyway, my hubby knows how I feel about it and since it wasn’t that great of an experience he doesnt have a problem with it. whatever. i think its whatever works for the 2 people invovled. personally, my husband would be PISSED if I was all over another guy, so he respects my wishes. Oh and I’m not stupid or gullible either and we’ve talked about it since, my hubby was telling me the truth, in case anyone is in disbelief. He’s an honest guy who finds even my 7 mo. pregnant body hot. I’m lucky.

    | August 19, 2008 @ 3:16 pm

  15. Bento Addiction said,

    Heck, I’d let them stay at my house with my daughter and I’d get the hotel for myself !!! Enjoy room service and some peace and quiet !

    | August 27, 2008 @ 2:53 pm

  16. isimsiz said,

    thnks

    | December 22, 2008 @ 8:01 am

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