I’m tired of doctors. I’m tired of specialists. I’m tired of therapists. But most of all, I’m just tired. I’ve never had a child who is “at risk for special needs” before, so I guess I just don’t know what to expect from day to day which is especially frustrating for a control freak like me. I want a solution and I want it now and I don’t want all the fuzziness and contradictory opinions and wait and fucking see…I just want Sadie to gain weight and then to hopefully start catching up developmentally. And I want it yesterday.
Last week a developmental therapist came over for the first of what will be weekly visits with Sadie. She’d heard Sadie’s medical history but we still caught her up on the latest anyway since Sadie was copping some zz’s at the time. Once we brought her out the therapist exclaimed “Aww, mercy…how cute. She looks little but healthy! You know what you need to do? Feed her whipped cream.”
“Really? Whipped cream? You mean whipping cream?”
“No. Kool-Whip! Reddy-Whip! It’s great. It’ll get some fat on those bones.”
I ran this helpful hint by the nutritionist who is a twice monthly visitor to our home and she said, “Excuse me?” in the same tone of voice I would say “Is she on crack?” Then she said, “Please, please don’t give her that. There is no nutritional value in Kool-Whip but there are plenty of additives and chemicals.”
What we are supposed to be doing is feeding her avacado, sweet potato, bananas and other higher calorie baby foods including those little Gerber turkey and gravy, chicken noodle and veal jars. What we are, apparently, not supposed to be doing is giving her all of those food in one day. Which seemed like a good idea to me at the time. Hey, if a little’s good then a lot is better, right?
I guess not to a ten pound baby, it’s not. She was on a food and formula strike for days after my little run of trying to feed her way too much. She’s got a little delicate system and I stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey. I suck. So, now we’re back to basics: oatmeal, fruit, a little avacado and more oatmeal.
I need to learn patience.
I’m soooo bad at being patient. I want to be proactive. I want to Google the shit out of what’s wrong with her and find someone else to tell me how to fix it. But, I can’t. Not for now. Sadie makes my heart hurt when I look at her sometimes. Mattie is practically running marathons and Sadie watches, takes it all in, and waves her little arms and legs around a bit.
But her smile. It kills me. And if we have to see a thousand doctors, I’m ready to do it. And I’ll go easy on the Reddy-Whip. But I may have to do a few whippets while I’m at it.