In an effort to show Elby that she is still king of the castle figuratively and literally, her daddy and I decided to take her to the magical place where dreams and wishes come true – Disneyland. The only condition was that she remember that she is two years old. “No, I’m three!” “Not today you’re not! Let me see your game face!” Apparently once you turn three, Disneyland thinks you’re going to be having sixty bucks worth of fun but until then, you’re still luggage.
Our scheme kind of reminded me of when I was sixteen and trying to get into bars with a welfare ID given to me by a coworker at Burger King. I always felt a little nervous that I wouldn’t pass for Dawn, twenty-six year old single mother of two on the dole. But it worked nine times out of ten. Ah, memories. The entrance to Mouseville went down smoothly. Once in, we headed immediately to the Princess Pavilion. Problem one: the line to have a short meet and greet with the Princesses (and I use that term loosely because is Pocahontas officially royalty or does she just wear a cute dress?) was over an hour long. But we waited because E desperately wanted to meet Ariel. She looooves Ariel. The other princesses are okay in her book but Ariel is the sweet spot. Finally, I let Jon hold our place in line and I went to investigate just what was in store for us after our wait. Turns out, Ariel is not even in the Princess Pavilion. She resided in a cove on the other side of the Matterhorn. So we grabbed Elby and dragged her meet her muse.
Is it just my imagination or did Disneyland used to be totally different? Characters would be running around the park on a constant basis. You couldn’t walk five feet without slamming into a Goofy or Eeyore. The Princesses were friendly in the days of yore and would walk right up to you and eat out of your hand. Now everything is just for the photo op. You have to wait in a long line to meet every character. The longest line was to meet the Godfather of mice, Mickey. We had to wind all around Mickey’s fun house and watch old Mickey movies and after about fifty minutes, Elby got to shyly kneel at the at the big mouse’s feet and say hi.
Get this, the fucker doesn’t even talk. He’s like an over sized mime. Was that from like silent movie Mickey days? I don’t get it. And why do they have only one of every character? We didn’t get to meet Buzz Lightyear because “he was going on break!” Would kill them to have another guy in a Buzz Lightyear costume run around yelling “To infinity and beyond”? The whole thing is that they try to get you to buy photo cards so that they take your photo and then you buy it online. As if everyone and their cat doesn’t have a quality camera at this point.
The Teacups ride was a big hit. But, just a tip: this ride exists at my local mall. Elby likes it just as much there. Then we went on Alice in Wonderland which scared the shit out of her. We had to promise her like a hundred times on the way home that she wouldn’t have to go under any “tunnels where people do silly things and it’s very loud and scary.”
And then we were off for a mellow face painting which is another thing that can be accomplished without driving all the way to Disneyland.
The thing E liked best? Getting a princess hat at the end! I know I sound cynical. And I am. Disneyland is not like I remember in my childish haze. But, it was worth every Euro – oh yeah, did I mention we flew to Paris Disney?