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Random Thoughts Monday

Today’s post is entitled Random Thoughts Monday because I don’t have anything that cheerful to say. Sadie’s lost a few ounces and no matter how hard we try, I can’t get her to gain weight and it’s becoming a constant source of stress. But let’s cheer up and talk about other things – little things. And due to the randomness of today’s post, it will not be repeated on any subsequent Mondays. Because it’s random. Get it? Random.

1. Hootie and the Blowfish: they had the one song “Hold My Hand” remember? Well, it came on my satellite radio yesterday and for a brief moment, I couldn’t quite place it — and then–oh yeah, Hootie. It’s not a bad song. When exactly did they become the Dane Cook of music? We all hate Hootie but I can’t exactly remember why they’re such hacks. I’m a comedian so I know why Dane Cook’s success is so offensive -with his ridiculous hand gesture and over physicalized no joke making rants – but maybe because I’m not a musician, I don’t know why we all en mass decided to boot Hootie and his Blowfish crew out of our collective Ipods and stereos. Not that I’m going to ever listen to them. I’m just saying. Thoughts?

2. Sex And the City Movie: in a word: suckassery. I thought I would like it because I was one of those women who loved the series, but no, sorry, it was horrible. And what was with Jennifer Hudson’s acting? Is she a robot? She doesn’t look like a robot but I’ve never heard a real live person deliver lines as if a computer designed the voice and facial expressions to go along with the over the top dialogue. Carrie: You saved my life. Louise: You gave me Louise Vuitton. Me: Vomit.

3. The Baby Borrowers: did you see it? Good concept that has already jumped the shark because of how far they’re taking it. Young couples borrow babies? Sure, I’m with you so far. Young couples borrow toddlers? Okaay, still here. Young couples borrow teenagers? You lost me. By the time the young couples’ kids are teengers they’re not going to be young parents anymore. Young couples take care of old people? Now I want to punch the producers in the head. Not watching.

4. I’ve never ever ever dreamed of swimming with dolphins. How do people come up with this as one of their life’s major goals?

5. John Mayer…why? I know, I know, I too enjoy a few of his songs in spite of myself. But, the man is oozing women hating toxins all over the place. From his drunken tirade in the Laugh Factory where he claimed to have “fucked Jennifer Love Hewitt” to his constant vitriol about his famous exes on his blog, he is a one man band of gross. What part of that interests Jennifer Aniston?

6. Why is it impossible to buy a cool minivan? It’s like, as soon as you need a car that can cart a shitload of kids around, the car makers assume you’ve given up on having any semblance of personality whatsoever. We were forced to make our own brand of cool and it doesn’t involve bumper stickers. And yeah, the flames are magnetic. It’s a lease.


that’s Elby saying “yeah, el fuego, bitches!”

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on June 30, 2008 10:09 pmUncategorized26 comments  

26 Comments

  1. Aunt Becky said,

    If this Sausage makes it, I’ll be in the market for a mini-van too. That kills me that I just wrote it. I kind of want to impale myself in the eyeball now.

    But I’m planning on some skull–potentially BLINKY skull–license plate covers on the back.

    *sighs*

    Who am I? Who the FUCK am I?

    | June 30, 2008 @ 10:37 pm

  2. Cheryl Lage said,

    Lawsy Girl, I am so sorry about Sadie’s fluctuation…she’ll regulate soon…I just feel it.

    So if I didn’t like SATC I can assume the movie would be even less pleasing? Thank you for your honesty and not fawning all over it just ’cause. (Like you ever would.)

    HEY…where do you get those magnetic flames? Will they fit a used Honda Odyssey that could use a li’l makeover?

    Love the random. Keep it comin’, Love…
    (How did K.C. and the Sunshine Band become retro-chic and Hootie hated? Granted, not wild the first go ’round for Hootie, but really…the anti-Blowfish outcry seems excessive..)

    | June 30, 2008 @ 10:39 pm

  3. Backpacking Dad said,

    Just drop it 4 inches, put some 20’s on there, and add a spoiler.

    And the SATC movie was fine from my pov, because I always watched the show as Steve and Miranda’s story anyway, so that’s the only part that was interesting to me.

    | June 30, 2008 @ 10:42 pm

  4. Backpacking Dad said,

    Oh, and Hootie died when Janeane Garafalo did her “Hootie People” bit: Hootie people….well, you like the show “Friends” a lot….and you wish Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan could be in every movie.”

    Yes and yes.

    | June 30, 2008 @ 10:45 pm

  5. Twenty Four At Heart said,

    And don’t you just want to know, exactly who, would paint flames on a minivan? Lease or not? Who does that? And what type of life crisis are they having?

    | June 30, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

  6. Mamique said,

    So sorry to hear about Sadie’s lack of gain. You know life’s a bitch and 15 years from now she’ll be wanting to lose weight. Hang in there. I’m sure it’ll get better.

    I’m still in denial about mini-vans. We’ve got a Mazda 5. No, really, it’s not a mini-van! It’s a cool car, damn it! OK, fine, it’s a mini mini-van. There, happy now?

    | June 30, 2008 @ 11:08 pm

  7. Elizabeth Lyons said,

    I’ve been meaning to ask you if you ever ended up with a minivan. I’m mortified to admit that I’m pretty sure I’ll own one as of 7:30 tonight.

    I can’t stand it. I mean, just the idea of the minivan makes me sad. Like, when you saw a kid pitch a fit in Target before you had kids and you said, “I will NEVER be that mom,” I see moms driving their minivans and I said, “I will NEVER drive one of those.” But the cost to purchase (and then fuel) a Suburban should be declared criminal and what the hell are us moms with 4 almost 5 kids out here supposed to do to keep our hipness AND our sanity? But I promise I will. not. put. any. bumper. stickers. on it. Period. Unless it says, “I’m not converting. I just needed more space.”

    Where, however, can I get the flames?

    Liz

    | June 30, 2008 @ 11:13 pm

  8. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    Dude. Hootie rules. Stop talking smack about Hootie. When did Hootie go out? Baby, Hootie never left.

    | June 30, 2008 @ 11:26 pm

  9. Mama Ginger Tree said,

    You need one of these to go along with those flames.

    http://www.darlingmummy.com/order_mv_ss.htm

    I hope Sadie starts porking up soon.

    | June 30, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

  10. Erika Jurney said,

    Did you take a road trip recently? I saw a minivan exactly like this about a week or so ago in Palo Alto, CA. I love it!

    | July 1, 2008 @ 12:19 am

  11. iheartchocolate said,

    I could get used to this random thing. I like it. I love john mayer though, so watch out.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 12:44 am

  12. Heather said,

    do they make Elby’s Little Mermaid bathing suit in adult sizes?

    | July 1, 2008 @ 12:44 am

  13. Mom o'Bean said,

    John Mayer has no soul. Seriously, look at his eyes. Hollow. He must use some sort of dark magic on women because it sure as hell isn’t his looks that attract them.

    If anything could make that minivan cool, it’s flames. Ride on.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 1:17 am

  14. Mommy Melee said,

    Aw, lady. My stomach went all squirmy for your stress. Gonna think beefy thoughts for your little one.

    John Mayer is kind of trashy hot to me. But now that you point it out he is a total douche.

    I’d probably want to make out with him before I nutpunched him though.

    Speaking of Hootie, maybe it’s their inherent suckitude that makes me sound awesome when I’m doing any of their songs on Sing Star. (The karaoke video game. Yeah.)

    | July 1, 2008 @ 1:19 am

  15. Threeundertwo said,

    Sorry to hear about the stress! Your little minivan model looks like she’s ready for the price is right. Perfect arm technique.

    I need those flames. I love/hate my minivan.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 11:21 am

  16. reneedesigns said,

    Yeah not getting the whole John Mayer thing either. So what if you’ve slept with everybody. I just don’t care. Maybe he’ll be the next Hootie.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 2:13 pm

  17. Catwoman said,

    So sorry about the Sadie stress. That girl just likes to keep her on your toes doesn’t she. Just show her pictures of Nicole Richie pre-pregnancy and tell her she’ll look like that by age 2 if she keeps it up. That should get her to swallow entire tubs of butter.

    And I’m thinking, forget your next book. You should go into business with magnetic templates for minivans because if they made them with flames on them? I might actually consider one (gasp! no! say it ain’t true!) Might is the key word though.

    And per Backpacking Dad’s description of Hootie People, I was totally a Hootie Person in the early 90’s because how could you NOT want Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in every movie? Of course, times have changed, now I wouldn’t want Meg Ryan and her giant inflatable lips anywhere near me.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 2:45 pm

  18. Anonymous said,

    This is one of my favorite posts. I love random thoughts. Maybe cause that’s all I have… love love love Jennifer Hudson comment. BFF

    | July 1, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

  19. Kate said,

    Hey Steph sorry to hear about Sadie losing weight and all the stress. Elby is so cute!

    | July 1, 2008 @ 3:22 pm

  20. Undomestic Diva said,

    I don’t get the John Mayer thing either. Wasn’t he gay last week?

    I really liked the SATC show too, but have absolutely no desire to see the movie. Not to be mean, but when exactly did SJP go from beautiful, stylish and pretty to just downright weird looking?

    On second thought, I think John Mayer and Jennifer Hudson would be good together. They could sit around and compliment each other’s egos with those big heads of theirs.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 4:53 pm

  21. Rachael said,

    I feel a little bad about Hootie and the Blowfish because now I bet a LOT of people call Darius Rucker Hootie. My Mom calls them Blootie and the Ho Fish. If you don’t know what blootie means, use your imagination.

    I thought the SATC movie was really depressing. I cried a lot thinking about these horrible things that were happening to all of them and how that would feel.

    Also, John Mayer. EW. What is the appeal? I mean, I like a few of his songs, but when I found out “Your Body is a Wonderland” was about Jennifer Love Hewitt I vomited in my mouth.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 5:39 pm

  22. Lynsey said,

    I loved Sex & The City movie and ya minivans are hard to make cool but I’m totally diggin the flames!

    | July 1, 2008 @ 6:19 pm

  23. Danielle said,

    Just needs some bitchin’ spinnin’ rims and you’re good in the ‘hood, sistah.

    Yeah. I don’t know where that came from either.

    | July 1, 2008 @ 8:22 pm

  24. Becky said,

    I my gosh – I SO TOTALLY agree about Jennifer Hudson’s acting! It was ATROCIOUS. I know that she won an Oscar (and now the Academy is completely embarassed about that). She was AWFUL.
    So glad I’m not alone on that one!
    Becky
    http://stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

    | July 1, 2008 @ 8:38 pm

  25. zellmer said,

    I know, I cringed at JH’s acting in SITC movie. And, I couldn’t even get with the concept of The Baby Borrowers. It just looks like child abuse to me, throwing a bunch of kids into a home to prove how ill-cared for they will be, for our entertainment. The only thing creepier…swimming with dolphins. I agree. Why?

    | July 2, 2008 @ 2:27 am

  26. Janet said,

    Finally! Someone else who wasn’t hypnotized by SATC. My one word review of the movie: GAK! Altho…that scene about the waxing or lack thereof DID make me laugh.

    | July 9, 2008 @ 4:17 pm

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