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Is This an Overshare?

One thing that a lot of people don’t tell you about having a baby is how much it will change your life and by life, I mean breasts.
When I had my Elby, I managed to breast feed for about four minutes before realizing that, having had a breast reduction operation twenty years prior, my baby feeders weren’t able to sustain a life force as hungry as my child. But with the preemie twins I made a more concerted effort and pumped every hour while they were in the NICU – even though I wasn’t producing enough milk to sustain a gerbil, I felt I was at least doing something.
I’m not sure the added nutrients have had much effect on the babies but I will tell you that the pumping had a pretty negative effect on my once buoyant bazoombas. Sure my breasts are a the same size but the problem seems to be more the lack of any solid mass. Putting on a bra is like trying to contain pudding in a picket fence. There is spillage everywhere. It’s coming over the top and when I try to manage that, some boob sneaks out the side. What’s the deal? Do they make special bras for women that have this problem? Because at this point in my life, a mere underwire will no longer cut it. I need a babygate for boobs. And surgery is completely out of the question…at least until I get some Botox. First things first.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on June 10, 2008 3:58 pmUncategorized48 comments  

48 Comments

  1. gmcountrymama said,

    I blogged a while ago about getting properly fitted for a bra and what a difference it made. I was wearing a bra that was too small. You need to get measured and fitted for a new bra.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 5:48 pm

  2. Elise said,

    I have a friend that compared pre-breastfeeding boobs to Jello AFTER it’s been refrigerated, and post-breastfeeding boobs to Jello BEFORE it’s been refrigerated. Sounds accurate.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 5:55 pm

  3. Anonymous said,

    ugh.
    i had great tits before my daughter was born. great! and i only breastfed for like, 5 minutes.
    now i have to roll them up and tape them to keep them from looking like banana boobs.

    but seriously? get yourself a sports bra. it gets under all that, uhhh, deflation and keeps the girls looking half decent.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 6:07 pm

  4. thenewbornidentity.com said,

    Wow. I think this daddy blogger may be a bit out of his element commenting on a boob post. But hey, commenting allowed me to write “boob” (twice!) so there’s that!

    | June 10, 2008 @ 6:18 pm

  5. Heather said,

    You made my husband think about boobs. Now he’s gonna want to have sex. Thanks a lot, Stefanie.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 6:34 pm

  6. April said,

    Oh, I miss my pre-breastfeeding boobs…they were oh so perky. Now, I too, roll them up and stuff them into my bra. Nothing sexier than that, let me tell you.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 6:37 pm

  7. Backpacking Dad said,

    my boobs do that too.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 6:42 pm

  8. Tiffany said,

    After my third child my boobs were looking like saggy bean bags. It was awful. I couldn’t fit into my normal bra, but I couldn’t fit into anything smaller. I had to do surgery, and I was so glad. But if you aren’t lacking the “fat” in the boobs, I would go get fitted at Nordstroms or private boutique. They do the best.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 6:55 pm

  9. KTP said,

    GO TO SOMA IN THE TOPANGA MALL. Seriously. It changed my life, and by life, I mean my boobs.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 7:14 pm

  10. Catwoman said,

    I once had a great rack.

    Last I heard from it, it was in Guatemala sipping on tequila.

    I sure do miss it.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 7:50 pm

  11. Cheryl Lage said,

    The once perky 36 B’s expanded to 40 D’s post twins’ birth…and hand to Heaven, I saved the bra to prove it.

    Now, 6.5 years later…the pre-pregnancy perk, the following flaccidity and the eye-popping (but leaky, not too attractive) planetary orbs are all a thing of the past.

    Dangling A’s a best now.

    Soft (read: padded) bras are marvelous. (Although I do feel a bit Animal Hous-ian braless tween in deception when that sucker comes off…

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:07 pm

  12. Cassie said,

    This makes me sad. I’ve always been incredibly proud of my nice boobs. Even friends say they’re my nicest asset. Now I’m about to start breastfeeding, and I’m nervous about what that will do to them. I don’t even wanna think about it right now though! I guess we’ll see…

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:10 pm

  13. Jenny said,

    okay, here’s what you do: yoga sun salutations. Specifically, chaturanga (sp?) which is basically holding position in mid-push up. I had Nerf ball boobs after my babies, too, and then I started doing yoga, and actually what it does it build your pecs back up, not the boobs themselves. But its enough to lose the Nerfy/pudding-ness and get back SOME of the perky. Try it, you’ll see. It also give you dimples in your shoulders, which is very hawt and distracts from the squishy boobs anyway. :)

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:19 pm

  14. Black Hockey Jesus said,

    We just met and now I know so much about your boobs.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:19 pm

  15. Aunt Becky said,

    Mine look like a couple of oranges in a tube sock. Hott, right?

    I like sports bras. I find they contain the excess baggage.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:30 pm

  16. merlotmom said,

    No overshare possible. How I love hearing about other women’s flabby mammaries. Sports bra. Run. Donna Karan makes a good one.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

  17. Stacy said,

    I hear ya!

    I breastfed for 10 months. I’ve never had any boobs to speak of, but now my once-perky A-cups are slightly-deflated, floppy A-cups.

    I now have a “boob job fund” at my local bank, which gets at least $100 a month that my husband doesn’t realize comes out of his checks. Deceitful? Yeah, but I’m sure he’ll thank me later.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

  18. Julia said,

    I have to pipe up just to say that it’s not the pumping that did it. Regardless of whether you nurse or not, being pregnant and having your milk come in does a number on the breast tissue. And by “does a number” I mean “liquefies”.

    Good luck with the booby holsters.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

  19. Julia said,

    Also, a good time to retell my mom’s joke about going from a 34-B to a 34 Long.

    Har!

    | June 10, 2008 @ 9:25 pm

  20. DivaDunn said,

    I won’t let my toddler see me without my bra on anymore cause I’m sure she’ll get excited like the kid on the Chik-fil-a commercial and start yelling “Mommy Cow! Moo!!!”

    Without my le Mystere “Gigi” (with the lingere straps of course), I’m a total cow. Sigh.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 9:39 pm

  21. MB said,

    The bras that make all the extra go away are too ugle to be believed. Seriuosly. But, go ahead, do what I did. Go to Nordstrom, let the old lady measure and squish you into what she will proclaim to be the right size. Watch your credit card smoke when you check out. I suppose it’s cheaper than a boob job, but you’ll never be able to take the damn thing off for that bikini you want to wear at the beach. Wait. I can’t do that either because of this f-ed up c-section scar. Well, looks like I’m saving for the tummy tuck and the boob job.

    | June 10, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

  22. Jenée said,

    For the life of me, I’ll never understand why people don’t just adopt little Chinese crack babies (and by “babies” I mean the ones old enough to earn a paycheck from Kathy Lee).

    I’m gonna go play with my natalphobic breasts now.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 12:25 am

  23. Rachael said,

    OMG… pudding in a picket fence. You crack me up. But I’m sorry too. I don’t have any advice, so I hope someone else has some that’s good.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 12:44 am

  24. MereCat said,

    I have sadly enjoyed reading all these comments to find out that I am not alone here. I pretty much hate my boobs, and keep them hidden in a sports bra day and night. They are just icky. And I did do the Nordy’s thing which helped some. Now I have bras to wear while baby wrangling (so the boobs don’t fall out) and bras to wear with low cut things that I can only wear if I don’t plan to bend over.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 12:51 am

  25. Mom o'Bean said,

    Wait, I’m still nursing, you mean my boobies won’t always look like this? This is bad.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 1:13 am

  26. Lindsay Maines said,

    I am with ya, sister. Am nursing Baby 3 (really, I guess he’s a toddler at 26 months.) I asked him today when he’d be done with them, as I believe I’m ready to have them be just between grown-ups again.
    But seriously, in their sadly squishy shape, maybe he can just keep ’em. I do recommend the Wacoal IBra- best $50 I ever spent.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 1:55 am

  27. andi said,

    “pudding in a picket fence” – god, that made me laugh.

    When you figure out a way to make them, um, more like a solid and less like a liquid, let a fellow saggy-bags sister know, will you?

    | June 11, 2008 @ 2:51 am

  28. jess said,

    Ha ha- “pudding in a picket fence”!!!! If I were drinking milk it would be coming out of my nose!

    This is when I am grateful for my teeny weeny boobee-nies. I may look like an underdeveloped 12-year-old but less mass means gravity will have less effect. Right? .. Right??

    | June 11, 2008 @ 4:48 am

  29. A Mom Two Boys said,

    Gah. I just finished breastfeeding my 2nd and OMG, my breasts are pathetic. They’re so floppy I could possibly use them for table tennis paddles. Or to wash my face. Dr. 90210 here I come.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 2:46 pm

  30. Becky said,

    LMAO about “pudding in a picket fence”!!!! That was hilarious! :)

    If you are having “spillage” problems, it sounds like your bra is too small. I would recommend getting re-fitted.

    You know, in your spare time. 😉
    Becky
    http://stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

    | June 11, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

  31. Anonymous said,

    Most women make only a few teaspoons of milk for the first few days after birth. Don’t try to make that a reason to stop breastfeeding. Also, smaller breasts make for more efficient milk production.

    You’re perpetuating ignorance. You can be smart and funny. Try it.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 5:39 pm

  32. Stefanie said,

    to the last commenter: of course you commented anonymously. This is my blog and I can be as unsmart or unfunny as I choose. This is not a breastfeeding awareness site as you may have guessed by the posts. Clearly I know how long it takes for milk to come in as you should have inferred by the fact that I pumped the entire time my preemies were in the NICU. And, by the way, having a breast reduction DOES affect your ability to breast feed. So unless you are a plastic surgeon who specializes in post surgery lactation then I suggest you save your comments for a blogger who cares.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 5:48 pm

  33. Ramblin' Red said,

    Hehehe….I am still young enough (don’t hate me) to have some perk left after bf’ing my babes.

    :ducks and runs:

    :shouting over her shoulder: I do agree with those who suggested a bra fitting – helps a ton.

    And to the last anonymous – you should have entered “clueless and arrogant” for your id – it’s COMMON knowledge that breast reductions and/or implants can impede breast feeding subsequent to the surgery. Duhhh…

    | June 11, 2008 @ 6:34 pm

  34. Kate said,

    Huh? What? You mean these things are going to stay like this! Eff.

    | June 11, 2008 @ 8:30 pm

  35. Rebecca said,

    i was told it was pregnancy that ruined your boobs. i breastfed my first child but couldn’t do that for my 2nd. they still appear to be ruined. one more than the other so i have one perky number and one large but wobbly.

    | June 12, 2008 @ 5:52 am

  36. Leslie said,

    Boob pudding – so right on. But you forgot to mention how you also lose all sensation in your boobs after breastfeeding – or am I the only one who can have a baracuda latch on and not even know it?

    BTW – Mattie is one stinkin’ cute little princess!!

    | June 12, 2008 @ 6:13 pm

  37. just4ofus said,

    i have size D pudding boobs.
    my nipples are located right by my belly button in a bathing suit.
    I want new boobs.

    | June 12, 2008 @ 8:13 pm

  38. Rhonda said,

    I actually thought you were exaggerating in your post about the breastfeeding police. After reading anonymous’ comment, I changed my mind. I think that society really needs to push the benefits of breastfeeding because it IS so hard, but when it’s not possible, then get the hell off! But I will still be annoyed when people say they didn’t breastfeed because the idea of it grossed them out…

    | June 13, 2008 @ 3:17 am

  39. Petunia Face said,

    I am not proud of this, but when I was in high school I was infamous for being able to hold a full beer in between my boobs, they were so perky and full (and I was so dumb and sixteen). Now, post baby and post only 6 weeks of breastfeeding (stuff it anonymous), I would be lucky if I could hold a stuck on Dora the Explorer sticker in between my soft sad sacks of crepey skin that I now call my boobies.

    Happy Father’s Day to my husband tomorrow! ha ha ha

    | June 15, 2008 @ 4:52 am

  40. David said,

    What? No pictures? 😉

    | June 15, 2008 @ 9:08 am

  41. Anita the Immigrant Mom said,

    My uncle calls them two socks with little rocks inside. He often tells me if my boobs are shaped like an onion than I need to do something about it – and when I say – how do I know if they are shaped like an onion he says, if your husband cries when he sees them!
    I know terrible joke but he is an old Italian man!

    Right now I am dealing with trying to breastfeed my three day old baby and let’s just say it isn’t going great at all! In fact, even though I have five other children and number 6 should be a breeze my nipples are burning with fire!
    There is no boob justice during before or after pregnancy!

    | June 15, 2008 @ 9:50 pm

  42. Sarah said,

    I am cracking up… pudding and a picket fence… oh my! I am at work and should not be reading you before 4:30pm!

    From one deflated boob mama to another… I understand…and I last breastfed 13 years ago… sigh…

    | June 16, 2008 @ 7:27 pm

  43. Anonymous said,

    had 36a’s which turned to saggy
    36aaa’s after 2 short (12 weeks each) breatfeeding stints – looked like coin purses. at age 40 had them fixed to pretty 36c’s. at age 45 – surprise knockup! can’t wait to see what saggy implants look like! anyone experienced with pregnancy or breastfeeding post-BA surgery?

    | June 17, 2008 @ 4:15 pm

  44. Andee said,

    LOL – you know I posted about this on my blog a couple of weeks ago. And I just want you to know that it wamrs my heart to hear of other women having the same problems as me. At least we are all in the same boat!

    | June 17, 2008 @ 6:39 pm

  45. Mrs. K said,

    oh crap! this is my THIRD message! damn blogger! anyways hi stefanie- it’s me ‘jane who was single’ – but now hitched! yes! hitched! :) your babies are beautiful…so glad to have found you again.

    and my boobs? i just call them blueberry pancakes- not sayin’ my nips are blue, just trying to explain how flat they got after the kid

    | June 24, 2008 @ 1:13 am

  46. momomax said,

    I remember that you really did have some luscious boobies…I keep forgetting to comment and meant to do this a while ago.

    baby gates? fucking hilarious.

    | June 24, 2008 @ 8:15 pm

  47. jen deaux said,

    i have the same problem. frederick’s of hollywood has great bras that hold my bags of pudding without spillage. they’re cheap too 2 for $48. you can buy them online. mine last forever. i’m pretty busty and they’re the only ones i’ve found that support me enough to not look like my boobs are dented at the top.

    | August 1, 2008 @ 3:42 am

  48. Judi said,

    more depressed than ever now…….will call the plastic surgeon first thing tomorrow.

    | July 15, 2009 @ 9:07 pm

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