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What I Worry My Nanny Is Thinking

I know I may seem privileged somehow by having full time help currently. Trust me, it’s not because we have too much money and need someone to help take a lot of it off of our hands every week. “I mean, gosh, where should we store all this extra cash? It’s such a nuisance.” Right now, it’s simply and pathetically a matter of sanity. Possibly in a year, I won’t need someone with me all day but for now, with not a lot of sleep being had at night and two parents working, we wouldn’t survive without the hours of relief we get from Liz. I don’t like to call her “my nanny” because it sounds so crass. I introduce her as “The Bizzotch Who’s Watching My Shorties” and believe me, this woman is a Godsend! But, and you know me, there are always a dozen disclaimers -I know I’m lucky to have help- lots of people do it alone- some people are happy to have a babysitter once in awhile -I have to say, it’s sometimes weird having someone in my house everyday taking care of my babies. And when I’m feeling a little insecure (everyday?) I wonder if she’s thinking any judgemental thoughts about me like:

1. Is taking a nap and checking her email a thousand times a day really productive? Would it kill her to clean the bathroom?
2. These babies think I’m their mama! And I love it.
3. No wonder these babies are sick a lot. The woman owns no Clorox Wipes.
4. Post partum depression? That’s nothing becoming a Jehovah’s Witness wouldn’t solve. But I don’t want to bring it up…yet.
5. Hey, I’m tired too, but I manage to work with your twins all day and still cook a decent meal for my family. (I actually know that she rarely cooks at home but yet I feel she still might think this – hence me being medicated)
6. Really? A Happy Meal for Elby again?
7. Does she have an allergy to vacuuming?
8. Okay, today is for sure my last day.
9. Colic my ass, her babies just miss me at night.
10. This lady goes grocery shopping everyday and yet, it seems like there’s only beer in the house.
11. I can’t believe this lady TiVo’s the Janet Dickenson Modeling Agency.
12. I quit.

Tune in Monday when I will post a chapter from my book. Are you so excited?

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 6, 2008 10:14 pmUncategorized24 comments  

24 Comments

  1. Kyddryn said,

    I was a nanny for a while, when I was younger…and mostly, I just thought “I wonder where they hide the good chocolate?” and “I am really glad I don’t have kids right now, because this poor woman is exhausted and I bet she doesn’t get to stay online playing games all night.”

    Except for one family – and really, they were an extreme – who never did dishes or laundry or washed their daughter’s sippy cup. Honestly, one day I discovered that the juice inside had fermented (no wonder the poor kid couldn’t walk fully upright) and there was something waving at me from the valve! Eek! And I thought I was a crappy housekeeper! Their house was always clean when I left.

    I brought my own lunch to their house, and often ended up feeding it to the kid because they didn’t bother keeping food on hand…or the food they had was truly horrifying. I refuse to feed a child any food that is housing another life form or may have been bought/opened in the Jurassic period. I have my standards.

    I had to quit when the mother kept making excuses for not paying me – I loved the kid and would have looked after her for nothing, but I had this insane need to pay rent and bills at the time. She’s fine, now – long story about what was going on, there, so I’ll spare you.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

    | March 8, 2008 @ 3:34 pm

  2. Carey said,

    Great post… we’ll be hiring a nanny once our twins are born and I am a little hesitant about it as well. It just seems so… weird to me. I am going to have to adjust, no doubt. I am funny about sharing my space…

    | March 8, 2008 @ 4:45 pm

  3. Stefanie said,

    Carey, I was nervous about it too. I never get alone time. But seriously, you have no idea how hard it’s going to be at first. YOu will be so relieved to see her face in the morning. It’s a little pathetic. But three babies? I will tell you though, it’s been three months and it IS getting better. These critters go to bed at the same time now at night which is huge! And they only wake up once each and go right back to sleep. A dream come true.

    | March 8, 2008 @ 4:49 pm

  4. Angry Julie said,

    OMG do we live in the same house? We don’t have a nanny but we have preschool. Oh, and I only have one kid. The tax guy says I can afford a nanny, I’m just lazy.

    | March 8, 2008 @ 8:24 pm

  5. Catwoman said,

    GASP! A chapter from your book! You’re testing my pelvic floor aren’t you?

    I’m so excited!

    And I’m sure your nanny totally thinks “I wonder if she had a tummy tuck when she had the twins, because there’s no way a human can look that great after having two babies.”

    | March 8, 2008 @ 9:06 pm

  6. Ben said,

    You’re a trip… lol. Worst comes to worst and she is thinking those bad thoughts, you slip some silverware into her pocket and accuse her of stealing. Either that or you call INS, insist she is from the Netherlands and have her deported.

    Ben
    http://www.donatemyweight.com

    | March 8, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

  7. Anonymous said,

    We got a part-time nanny (three days per week) to help me with our twins which we really can’t afford but I imagine it’s less expensive than rehab or the loony bin. I used to think, “Who quits their job AND has a nanny??” Well, that would be women with twins. I met friends for lunch yesterday and had some wine with lunch and came home slightly buzzed. I wondered if she:

    a) noticed
    b) was horrified
    c) called child services
    d) all of the above

    | March 8, 2008 @ 11:09 pm

  8. Rachel said,

    I can’t wait to read the book! I’m going to Amazon right now to pre-order.

    | March 9, 2008 @ 6:20 am

  9. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said,

    Bullshit, the nanny is thinking “I’m so glad I get to go home at night and sleep.”

    You can TiVo whatever you want and YES checking e-mail 1000 times a day is productive. Or at least I hope it is, or I’m wasting a lot of time.

    | March 9, 2008 @ 3:20 pm

  10. just4ofus said,

    U R Funny. I am sure you feel insecure that you have a nanny, I would. But insecurity is WAY better than complete insanity.
    They can’t commit you for insecurity.
    But maybe you would enjoy being committed.. it would buy you some ALONE TIME.

    | March 9, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

  11. Blondie said,

    You are so full of doo-doo! Liz loves you, Thing 1 and Thing 2 love you and Elby loves you too! Don’t make me come over there and spank those self-tormenting thoughts right out of your head! Think of it this way: you are helping stimulate the economy by providing full-time work for Liz, you are in essence able to be a better parent by not being so overwhelmed and you get to go have coffee with a friend every once in a while!
    PS. I would be your Nanny any day!
    PPS. Can’t wait for the chapter from your book! I am so excited for you and I know it will be a hit!

    | March 9, 2008 @ 11:04 pm

  12. andi said,

    This is why I’ll never get a nanny – I fear the judgment. I think for now I’ll keep the kids in daycare (I can’t possibly be the worst mother of the bunch, can I? I’m hoping some of the other slackers will draw the attention away from me).

    Can’t wait to see the chapter from your new book!

    | March 9, 2008 @ 11:25 pm

  13. sarah said,

    Um, yeah, I actually explained to my babysitter the procedure of making a sandwich the other day (while in a bit of a nervous tizzy about my own guilt at leaving the kid at home while I went out galavanting). So, yeah, I take the Allout Ass Award. I can only imagine what my sitter thinks of me. I trust her with my child, but apparently I think she needs instructions to put a sandwich together?!! Yikes.

    | March 9, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

  14. Backpacking Dad said,

    It’s an inner monolgue just like yours that keeps me from ever letting my daughter go to daycare, stay with friends, entertain a babysitter, have a pet.

    She can’t have a pet. I know what it would think.

    | March 10, 2008 @ 4:19 am

  15. Christine said,

    I wish I could be your nanny. You’d feel a lot better about yourself. Either that, or we’d have a negative downward spiral together and become convinced that everyone thought we were both incompetent.

    Can’t wait to read that chapter!!!

    | March 10, 2008 @ 4:54 am

  16. Ellen said,

    Reposting comment…

    I found your blog a few weeks ago and love it. Your posts and a cup of coffee, and I’m ready to go.

    I had help with my second babe. It was an absolute necessity (even though it broke the bank).

    | March 10, 2008 @ 1:55 pm

  17. Becky said,

    This is precisely WHY I haven’t gotten myself a cleaning lady yet. I’d too ashamed of the boy pee stains on the wall in my bathroom and the sock colony at the end of my bed.

    Bwahahahaha!

    You make me laugh, duder.

    | March 10, 2008 @ 3:53 pm

  18. Trenches of Mommyhood said,

    We have a nanny too. But I always call refer to her as the boyz’ babysitter because “nanny” just sounds so uppity to me.
    She used to have a side job as a housecleaner, so I can only imagine what she thinks of my housekeeping skills (or lack thereof).

    | March 10, 2008 @ 5:04 pm

  19. BabyShrink said,

    let’s hear it for the babysitters of the world! these people who help us with our kids are LIFESAVERS, and get paid way less than what they’re worth. come to think of it, teachers too.

    can’t wait for the book chapter.

    | March 10, 2008 @ 6:34 pm

  20. Anonymous said,

    Hey Mr. minutemen BEN! Don’t be jelous just becouse you can’t afford a nanny. OH! and by the way not all nannies are illegal imigrants. And even if they were thanks to that alot of people are able to have one becouse they are so under paid. It’s good to know that prejudice people like you are becoming a minority. Oh!and don’t worry stephanie if you have a good nanny she won’t quit on you. can’t wait for your book

    | March 11, 2008 @ 5:54 am

  21. Stefanie said,

    Hey anonymous, I appreciate your comment and don’t let me stop you from buying my book but…Ben was just joking around. The fact that I would accuse her of stealing or send her to the Netherlands was just silly. Ben’s actually doing some great work for charity and you should check out his Site donatemyweight.com. But thanks for sticking up for me!

    | March 11, 2008 @ 5:58 am

  22. Karin (creativechaos) said,

    Hysterical. As a side note checking your emails 1,000 times a day IS productive…… at least in my world it is.

    I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and was inspired by you after starting my own blog. Loved your first book. Can’t wait for the second….

    I was laughing at your post about dooce…..When I first started blogging I was sure there was some sort of cyber handshake out there that lets you enter the blogdome. Still haven’t found it. I started mostly writing about my crafting and art tales while taking care of two small people who call me mom. It has now turned into my therapy….. Thanks for the laughs!! Karin@ creativechaos.typepad.com

    | March 12, 2008 @ 4:05 am

  23. Fiona said,

    That’s exactly why I don’t get a cleaner in, I’d be cleaning before she got there….hmmmm maybe I should, then at least I’d get round to cleaning more often!!

    | March 12, 2008 @ 5:48 am

  24. help4newmoms said,

    This is why I love your writing. Short, sweet, honest and to the point – oh, and most of all funny!
    Hilarious!

    | March 15, 2008 @ 6:54 pm

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