The results of Sadie’s bloodwork came back revealing absolutely nothing wrong with her body chemistry. So, for now, she’s just an itty bitty healthy baby. My depression lifted dramatically and I realized that part of my reaction to any sort of possibility of bad news is probably tied in to first finding out that something was wrong with my pregnancy. I just don’t want to be caught not looking. I’m the same in relationships; when I met my husband, I was paranoid that he’d break up with me and I wouldn’t see it coming. I’d think that everything was going perfect and inside his head he’d be plotting his escape all the while pretending things were good for him too. And then one day, BAM! He’d tell me it was over. So I made him promise me that if he was having any doubts that I wanted to be forewarned. I just felt like it would hurt less to know that something bad was brewing even if I couldn’t do anything about it.
Hey, enough navel gazing. I should just write a few sad songs and go on the road with Sarah Maclachlan already.
Right now, I’m obsessively checking on my virtual friend Alexa who is going through such a tough time I can’t possibly imagine the truckloads of antidepressants she will need when all is said and done. She is such a trouper and she needs all of our support right now. Please start reading her blog if you’re not already addicted. She’s a beautiful writer ever through the heartbreak she’s enduring.