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Xanax – The Unsung Hero

I’m fine, really. No seriously, the crying fits? No biggie. Thinking my babies don’t like me? Normal right? RIGHT? Not feeling like I can talk on the phone let alone leave my house? All party of it – okay, that just doesn’t seem to be a good state of being. But that’s how I felt yesterday. The night before I hadn’t slept the entire night going from baby to baby trying the swing, the bouncy seat, food but my babies seem to come alive at night. And neither of us (them or me) are happy at that hour. So by early morning I was watching Sesame Street through cloudy contact lenses – not by myself, my daughter was curled up next to me trying to talk me out of feeding the baby so I could hang out with her. I liked the attempt. One of the muppets, I don’t know his name but he’s sort of blue green in color – although, honestly, if you know me, you know I don’t see color. So I’m watching this muppet play the guitar and my mind starts pondering if the puppet is actually playing the guitar or if the guitar is in the background and it just seems like he’s actually playing it. Then I get a hold of myself and realize that I am sleep deprived and almost went off of Zoloft and Xanax cold turkey which would have been the worst idea on the planet if I expect to live through the next month. So, life is good.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 30, 2008 9:04 pmUncategorized13 comments  

13 Comments

  1. iheartchocolate said,

    Girl, you ARE going to make it. This time, is hard and totally sucks. There is light at the end of this tunnel. PROMISE! You all will be just fine. Just think of the tax deductions!

    | January 30, 2008 @ 11:00 pm

  2. chris said,

    Twins really blow. Get some help. Of the domestic kind, I mean.

    And they don’t really blow. They’re a lof of work though. It gets better when they can crawl, which I’m sure seems like forever, but they start to entertain each other and you will never meet two humans who enjoy each other’s company more than twins.

    Other than that, they blow.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 1:37 am

  3. chris said,

    Sweetie, you know I’m kidding right? I adore mine. But really, these wimpy parents of singletons have NO IDEA.

    Hang in there.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 1:38 am

  4. MereCat said,

    As everyone told me, “just get through it.” That’s all you have to do. Keep everyone fed, clean, and as comfortable as possible, including yourself. You are doing fine. Just keep going.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 2:50 am

  5. sparklykatt said,

    I’ve been thinking about you. You were so kind to comment on my blog when I was going through PPD. I feel so much better now. I hope that gives you some hope, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Of course, I didn’t have twins to deal with. Can you get a doula to come in and help? It sounds like you really need someone to come in so you can get a good nights sleep.

    And for gods sake…don’t stop the drugs! Maybe you need a bigger dose. Talk to you doctor!

    | January 31, 2008 @ 4:35 am

  6. Cheryl Lage said,

    Another “you’ll make it through” voice…one thing that really helped me in the newborn twin days of haze was to remember each uber-challenging, sleepless 24 hours brought me that much closer to the finite end of that “you can’t know it ’til you’ve lived it” era.

    You will emerge unbelievably stronger for enduring it. You’ll be able to downplay future hurdles with ease remembering the chaos.

    And make sure your meds are doing the right thing. Modern maternal medicine has evolved since Mick opined on the “little yellow pill”…

    Hang in there…we’re all rooting for you.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 2:17 pm

  7. Becky said,

    You can do it. You can do it. You can do it.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 4:29 pm

  8. Kyddryn said,

    Welcome back! I was starting to wonder if you’d fallen into a stupor or run off with the circus or something.

    They don’t hate you…they just haven’t figured out how to tell you they love you, need you, want you, and generally find you indespensable and wonderful.

    Strong woman, you’ll make it through this.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 4:42 pm

  9. Catwoman said,

    Those first months are so freaking hard and feel like they’re never going to end. Fattie Mattie should get to the point that she’s sleeping through the night soon, so that you’ll only have Kate Moss to worry about and at least get some kind of sleep.

    Don’t you love when people tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps, when you’re stuck with a child who never sleeps? Little Man never slept the first four months he was with us. He’d just stare at me, unblinking to the point that I would beg him to just stab me to death with his sharp little nails that seemed to grow to knife lengths overnight.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 10:57 pm

  10. putty said,

    Interesting story about the puppet playing the guitar. He was classically trained from a very young age. His parents, failed performer puppets (his dad was in The Muppets Take Manhattan but had all his scenes cut and you only catch a glimpse of him as a corpse during the funeral scene), forced the puppet into show-biz. In Oscar the Grouche’s memoir he talks about how this particular puppet wanted desperately to study physics and is a whiz with numbers. Not the kind of puppet you want to play poker with, according to the Grouch. So short answer, he is actually playing the guitar.

    | January 31, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

  11. Candace said,

    i’m thinking of writing a post to myself one year ago. when I thought the never ending ppd and lack of sleep was going to land me in the bin and I just felt SO bad for my family for having been dealt the card of “me” as mother. I thought it would NEVER end! It got better, it got worse and then it got better for good. by better, I mean a weekly shrink visit must still happen but I needed that pre-kids anyway. I was very depressed, anxious and miserable and I loved my son like a cousin…. and now it’s flying by, I can’t stop biting on him and I’m savoring it. (well not every moment!) I spent my nights reading “down came the rain” and calming myself with, “at least I don’t want to throw him out the window” and “if brooke shields got through it dammit so can I”….. freakin hormones and lack of sleep reeks havoc on our sensitive, creative souls!
    sending love….
    and thanks. I wish I had this to read then but it’s still helpful now.

    | February 1, 2008 @ 2:06 am

  12. Rabbadingy said,

    I cannot imagine what you’re going through with 3 kids right now but when I had PPD with my one, it helped that my husband would get up with the baby at night so I could at least get some sleep (although they I felt guilty that he had to wake up in the middle of the night and then go to work but I got over that :)

    Maybe to help you get through this, you can have someone come one night a week to take care of the twins so you can get some solid sleep. Not only will you feel a bit better but will give you something to look forward to each week when you are exhausted.

    | February 1, 2008 @ 6:01 pm

  13. Abusaidi said,

    For comprehensive information on xanax benefits, the functioning process of xanax etc. just log in to the website http://www.buy-xanax-online-now.com and further as you access the xanax FAQ section of the site, you will get to know the answers on some of the commonly asked xanax questions such as what is xanax, how does xanax work, who can take xanax etc.

    | August 26, 2009 @ 5:42 am

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