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Britney Spears isn’t the Only One with Multiple Personalities

Hi. Feeling better yesterday and today. Just thought you should know. Because I’m sure you spent most of the last few days worried about that one blogger chick who sounds like she’s hanging off the edge of a cliff. First off, upping the Zoloft has already helped I think. Plus, all the comments that I’ve received especially one from Kyddryn helped so much. It’s amazing that whatever you’re going through, someone out there gets it. Blogging is addictive and I believe that’s why. You can write anything you want and no matter how crazy, someone will leave you a comment and have the guts to say “I know what you mean.” Unfortunately, because this isn’t a private blog, people who know me can easily Google me and find this. As it is I’m pretty open about everything but sometimes I do have to remember that the Internet isn’t my personal diary because some of the sh*t that goes through my head is not for public consumption. But, if my crazy ranting can help even one person feel less like a freak than I will keep spewing it out.

When I wrote my first book, Sippy Cups, I was petrified of what people would think. It felt like it might be too snarky and poking fun of motherhood for all the precious moms out there. I worried that reader might think I’m not a good mother or that I didn’t love my daughter etc. But I found that tons of people related to my thoughts that motherhood isn’t a Sunny D commercial. It’s deep, profound, often extrememly enjoyable, life altering in a good way but not the way it’s depicted in most books and commercials. It was an amazing and wonderful feeling to find out by going public in a book that I wasn’t alone at all. I was angry when I had Elby and found this stuff out the hard way. And that probably came across in the book. This next book is no less snarky but a lot less pissed because let’s face it, toddlers are insane and illogical but not nearly as taxing as brand new babies. At least that’s what I keep telling myself while I’m in the throes of these newborns…

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you really want to make me feel better, buy my damn book! Just kidding. Kind of serious though.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on January 19, 2008 6:38 pmUncategorized17 comments  

17 Comments

  1. just4ofus said,

    I think that you are helping more than you think. There are so many moms out there with some degree of PPD, and some don’t even know what it is or why they are feeling it.
    That is why it took me 5.5 months to figure it out and get on medication.
    So your ranting is helping someone find there way…
    Good luck to you.

    | January 19, 2008 @ 8:03 pm

  2. carrie said,

    You know you aren’t alone. And it should bring you come little, teeny tiny bit of comfort to know that years later (mine are 10, 9 and 4) you don’t even remember all the hell you went through until you read about someone going through it RIGHT NOW (like you are).

    It WILL get better. And you WILL forget the bad stuff.

    | January 19, 2008 @ 10:53 pm

  3. Am I doing okay? said,

    I checked it out from the library, does that count? I KNOW it doesn’t. But I heard from a published author friend of mine (Okay, okay a FREIND of a friend of a published author friend of mine) that she only gets $1 per copy sold. So – I owe you a Washington.

    | January 20, 2008 @ 1:05 am

  4. Petunia Face said,

    After my daughter was born I packed up my self-esteem along with my skinny jeans and actually bought Brooke Shields’ book. I was THAT confused, that depressed. I so wished I had known about your blog then, about blogging myself.
    And now that I am back in my skinny jeans (ok, not really skinny but more slightly normal) I will go out and proudly buy both of your books. Thanks!

    | January 20, 2008 @ 1:09 am

  5. Kyddryn said,

    I’m ordering them both on Thursday – have to wait until then because that’s my Borders night, the only time I get to the bookstore. Also, someone (my mum, bless her) gave me a gift card, because she loves to feed my addiction. As long as said addiction isn’t, you know, crack or something. So I can finally afford them. Because someone forgot to mention how expensive kids are. Every time my son injures himself, I remind him he isn’t paid for yet. I am seriously considering pimping my kid to the modeling agencies just to cover the cost of his crayon habit.

    Glad you’re feeling a little better, and you can spew anything you want towards me via e-mail, because a) I can keep a secret like nobody’s business, and b) I bet you won’t surprise me one little bit. Umm…that’s not a challenge, though, just an offer.

    Thanks for having the chutzpah (I hope I spelled that right!) to be honest – the world could use a good bit more of that.

    | January 20, 2008 @ 1:31 am

  6. clickmom said,

    When I had my first almost 15 years ago, and had PPD along with PTSD from the c-section they gave me with out the benefit of a working epidural, I just thought I had to shut up and keep going so I did. For two years I walked around like a zombie all day and cried all might. Every night I cried myself to sleep. Then the PTSD kind of faded away on it’s own and the PPD magically disappeared after I suffered two miscarriages in a row. I know, it sounds weird, but something happened when I lost those babies and my chemistry returned to normal. It was only when I was back to normal agin that I realized what a deep abyss I had been in for two years. What a waste of time. If only there were bloggers and books and knowledgable about depression friends to be had back then I could have found relief much sooner.

    I am so happy to see that women are seeking each other out and bonding over what is universal (and universally difficult and shocking) in mothering and parenting. These things should be out in the open, the shock of haivng a child is bad enough, we don’t need to be isolated with our feelings too. So, good job! Putting it out there for the masses. And good luck with the next book.

    | January 20, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

  7. Lisa said,

    “Down Came the Rain” was at the Dollar Tree. I just finished it. Let me know if you want it. Of course, the fact that I regularly give away books that I’ve read instead of telling people to buy them probably doesn’t make authors too happy.

    I wasn’t even normal with PPD. I wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone with my baby, who I just wanted to sit and cuddle and nurse and watch 90210/Gilmore Girls/Friends reruns with.

    Is your book available now? Amazon has it listed for release March 25 (ahh, the date Mary got pregnant with Jesus! how symbolic). I’ll buy it as soon as I can. I loved “Sippy Cups” and am saving it for my sister when she finally gets knocked up.

    | January 20, 2008 @ 5:48 pm

  8. Becky said,

    I will be happy to buy both of these books, duder. I’ve never peed roses or tulips about motherhood, marriage, or anything else that makes other people gooshy. Which is probably why I am attracted to blogs like yours which remind me that even if I am a freak, I am not a lone freak.

    Sometimes, that’s all it takes.

    | January 20, 2008 @ 10:41 pm

  9. cajun belly said,

    Normally I don’t offer comments about the way people feel. Only you can have those feelings and you can own them and embrace them, or you can let them drive you crazy. I do find that “yoga” mind exercises help me when I’m going down that spiral path. I like to allow myself a certain amount of time each day that I will feel depressed, then work on other feelings the rest of the day. Sometimes it works like a charm, and other times it doesn’t. Might work for you, might not.
    Like today, for example, when I tried to not be depressed by not feeling like a failure because I had a baby 3 months early. Is that logical? Probably not…but it is honest. I read your comments and thought I could relate to what you’re saying. Not that my experience is the same as yours, but I am so with you especially from the “advice from other mothers field” – they are driving me crazy with their “miracle baby” stories! I don’t give a crap because right now I’m barely hanging in there myself…much less listen to their endless dribble about the 40 year old who now is “perfectly normal” now. None of this is logical. It’s hormones combined with the cards we are dealt. Dealing with it takes different forms and coping skills, so do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes while still being safe, and stop blaming yourself for being human. The blog is fabulous – and I think you should be writing TV. Watching it the past month while recovering from my own illness while baby is in the NICU made me realize that cable is a huge waste of money. Gasp!

    | January 21, 2008 @ 3:13 am

  10. Jaime said,

    hey there…..things will get better…and SO many people here blogging have gone through the same, and/or are more than happy to give support. Personally, your honesty inspires me to be more raw and honest on my own blog…which can be hard.
    one day at a time, girl.

    | January 21, 2008 @ 3:15 am

  11. MereCat said,

    You surely know how to take a not-so-pleasant part of parenthood, and make it into something that normalizes and soothes all new parents. I am so so sorry for how you are feeling right now. PPD just kind of makes you feel robbed of that bliss you expect to have at the birth of children. At least that’s how I felt. I felt so ripped off that I didn’t have that gushing wellspring of momma-babies bliss fom the get-go. But I am going to tell you, as I’m sure you can hear but can’t feel, it will get so much better. So much better that you will laugh hysterically instead of maniacally. It does so much suck right now, but it will get better. Just keep going. That’s all you gotta do. There is relief in sight… and a LOT OF FUN!

    pinky swear.

    merecat xoxoxox

    | January 21, 2008 @ 3:58 am

  12. amanda said,

    For whatever reason I feel like I’m always on the same page as you. I feel like I’ve either been through it or am going through it. And the first book was probably my first experience realizing that someone else had the same thoughts as I did about motherhood etc. That’s it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Hang in there… there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh and I’m buying the book. This week. I promise. Even if you only get a dollar.

    | January 21, 2008 @ 5:57 pm

  13. dummling said,

    You’re right, blogging is addictive and in this case it’s helping you, it’s getting you in touch with women like you..and one if them is me.

    It’s funny but you and I prob have nothing else in common except our predicament! I live in India(that far) and my life I am sure is very very different from yours.

    BUT, all you said, esp on can’t I vent a minute? was what I am feeling exactly! It’s uncanny really. I have help with my baby at home and my husband, like yours, has a lot of pressure at work, and yet I am the one falling apart.

    Some things go beyond geographical barriers. This is one of them.

    And like you, I found my way to keep my sanity:

    http://www.mommyrage.com

    | January 22, 2008 @ 11:36 am

  14. Daisy said,

    Blogging is addictive, but it’s also therapeutic. It doesn’t substitute for medical care, though, and you know that. I think it’s both the process of blogging and the networking that make it so valuable for us moms.

    | January 23, 2008 @ 1:19 am

  15. Elizabeth said,

    Now that my daughter is 26 months old, we are full-on into toddlerhood, so I for sure want to get your new book! Sometimes I wonder if I am still having PPD, because even with a dose of Wellbutrin for depression and Lexapro for anxiety every day, I still have days where I barely feel like moving let alone parenting a bouncy 2 year old.
    Hang in there.

    | January 23, 2008 @ 1:08 pm

  16. Catwoman said,

    OK, I’m totally catching up on your posts, because I’ve been all-consumed with looking for a new daycare. I’m sorry the last few weeks have been brutal for you. I can’t even imagine, because one felt like my brain was taken over by aliens.

    I’m glad you’re feeling a little better now, I know this sounds hollow, but it will get better. And if it doesn’t, there’s always cookies right? Tell me where I can send some. Although, because I really like you and admire you, I will buy them from the Nestle stand at the mall, rather than send you some home made ones that you’ll think are toddler turds.

    | January 23, 2008 @ 5:04 pm

  17. Rabbadingy said,

    First, I want to thank you for writing your 1st book. What a hilarious and REAL account of becoming a new mom. I was really active and independent when I had my baby via c-section and was blown away from the PPD. Luckily, I was super aware of my emotional state (crying,lack of interest in activies, not wanting to leave my room… oh and not being able to eat) and went on medication by week 3 but it took a long time to feel back to myself and adjust to the new life/normal. I too bought the Brooke Shields book and researched topics on PPD but nothing seemed to help until my friend sent me your book!!! It was the first time I had really laughed and felt that someone articulated everything related to motherhood so accurately. In fact, I was actually a bit irked that my friend did not send me your book sooner :)
    I am counting the days until your new book comes out on toddlers. My rambunctious toddler is 17 months and I could sure use some humor, and maybe tips on handling her!
    I hope you feel better soon and thanks for sharing.

    | January 29, 2008 @ 9:27 pm

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