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Archive for 2008

Guess My Weight

I won’t make you guess because obviously you are all just as obsessed with Sadie’s weight as I am right? RIGHT? Our nutritionist came by today -and by “our” I mean, Sadie’s because my health is out the fucking window right now and I don’t need someone coming by my house and reminding me of that. The weight was: 14.15.5 oz. basically 15 pounds! Oh hellz yeah. This g-tube is a true turn in the right direction. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still watching her like a hawk and it’s still stressful as all getout to feed her through a tube -it just feels wrong – like there’s something wrong – which there is!! But that’s difficullt to admit. Yet, when the medical intervention yields such beautiful results like a baby who laughs and smiles like a lunatic a lot more often, you can’t help but be greatful that you were willing to admit something was drastically wrong.

That’s all for today. Tomorrow we have a follow-up for her surgery at, naturally, 8:45 in the morning about an hour away (should be a lot less but it’s LA rush hour traffic).

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 30, 2008 1:49 amUncategorized32 comments  

Christmas with the Jew

There’s nothing I love more as a Jew than Christmas. It’s such a guilty pleasure to help Elby bake cookies for Santa, decorate the tree and drink gallons of eggnog. You see I never got to have a tree when I was growing up because although we weren’t “that Jewish” according to my parents, having a tree would somehow just be wrong. Eventually we were “that Jewish” and then Christmas ended for good. So when I was eighteen and on my own my first order of business was purchasing a humongous Christmas tree with my equally bad Jew friend Heidi. We wrapped each other gifts and entertained some random guys we met at a grocery store with festive holiday cocktails. Since then I’ve had some form of Christmas every year. But this year was particularly fun.

Sadie got a plate. She said it was what she always wanted. But, please, no food on it!


Mattie’s going to be rollin’ with her homies on this hot new princess ride on thingy.

Elby just about lost it when she realized that Santa really does read his mail, unlike her parents.


“I mean, really, how does this bearded fellow know me soooo well. He just gets it!!!! I think I love him.”

Just to give you some perspective on Sadie petiteness so you don’t think I’ve forgotten what this blog is all about. Yeah, tiny. But hopefully growing. That’s all I wanted for Christmas this year.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 28, 2008 7:27 pmUncategorized28 comments  

The Small Baby Blog

Somehow this blog has been taken over almost completely lately with the trials and tribulations of Sadie. It’s weird because I do in fact have other interests but they have definitely been usurped by having a small baby. I started this blog a few months after I had Elby (my four-year-old for anyone who’s new to my site) because suddenly having a newborn felt like living everyday with a 6.0 earthquake. The constant tension of the unknown, the responsibility of meeting an infant’s needs – an infant who couldn’t tell me what was wrong or what she wanted – was so overwhelming that if I didn’t have an outlet I would have exploded. I didn’t have many (any) friends with babies even at my ripe old age of 38 to commiserate with so imagine how relieved I was to find the Internet full of parents who understood my plight. Most of you don’t have to imagine because you’re right there with me.

A lot has happened since I had Elby: I wrote a book which took my career in an entirely different direction, started another book, got pregnant with twins (gaining over 50 pounds only six of which was baby), finished the second book, delivered twins and wrote and delivered a third book. Life was so much simpler with one child -I could blog about her fairly normal existance while also writing about my other true loves like Housewives of Orange County and poker and music and Paris Hilton and…well, important stuff. I kind of thought that having the twins would be exhausting but then life would get back to normal because, you know, I’ve kind of got that hang of this parenting thing now, but Sadie’s issues threw everything for a loop. Now I know what real worry is. BUT…Sadie has gained 4 ounces in four days and if that keeps up I may actually go back to having a fun blog – full of tales of my prostitution days and my years in the pokey, my fourth marriage to an ex-porn star and my job as an elbow model. Or at least I can talk about Elby again. That would be a relief!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 16, 2008 2:36 amUncategorized31 comments  

Ten Advantages to Having a 14 Pound One-Year-Old

This is Sadie on her first day home from the hospital. The caption should read, “Me likey Tylenol Codeine.” I’m kidding of course. I stole all her drugs.
The last few days have been incredibly stressful -which sometimes I think is just going to be my new constant state of being but I continue to have hope that one day I will wake up and breathe a huge sigh of relief that Sadie is heavier, I can use the feeding tools with ease and no one in the house has a fever (Elby right now), migraine (me usually) or really long toe nails (Jon).
The day before yesterday a nurse came to our house to show us how to use all of the boxes of equipment that had been dropped off the day before from a medical supply place. I’ll just say this, seeing IV bags, tubing, an IV stand, gauze pads and huge syringes makes me all the more sure that I would have no place in the medical industry. Not that I could even be a doctor or nurse if I wanted to because apparently there are all these pesky “prerequisites” like…college.
I attempted to learn to use Sadie’s new pump for overnight feeds, and failed at learning to feed her directly into her tube during the day (called a bolus feed) because she cried so hard I almost had a stroke. I decided it was best to wait until she’d had some pain medication which I procured by making an emergency call to the surgeon’s office getting the doctor on-call.
“Hi, this is Dr. Chen. Your baby is having some pain issues?”
“Um…sniffle sniffle…she’s inconsolable and the Tylenol is not cutting it.”
“She’s only a few days post-op. She should still be on something stronger than Tylenol for break-thru pain.”
“I wasn’t prescibed anything.”
“You should have been.”
NO SHIT. “I know.”
“Let’s get her something now and then leave her alone for tonight and try again tomorrow.”
I love you.
Okay.”
So we got her some drugs – stat – and the next day (yesterday) went much better. I didn’t need to “bolus” feed her but I did run the pump overnight which gave her 6 oz. of formula which brought her to a grand total of, well, the technical term is “enough to fatten her ass up.”
Which brings me to my “Look On the Bright Side List” of Advantages to Having a 14 Pound One-Year-Old
10. Easier to tote.
9. Still fits in the swing.
8. Needs only a quarter shot of Tequila to get totally wasted.
7. Costs less to feed.
6. Gets a lot more use out of the 6-9 months clothes.
5. Still fits into her infant carrier.
4. Shock value for people who ask how old she is.
3. Doesn’t try to steal food off of my plate.
2. Possible future as super model.
1. When people think I had a baby only a few months ago and look fantastic, I don’t correct them.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 14, 2008 4:38 pmUncategorized57 comments  

Sadie, Sadie Post-Op Lady

So Sadie is safe and sound and we’re going to be released from Cedars-Sinai within the next hour or two. It’s been stressful, which goes without saying. Probably the worst part was holding her in recovery while she was coming out of anesthesia. The poor baby just cried and cried and just about gave me a nervous breakdown. But, really, what doesn’t almost give me a nervous breakdown? Right about now aren’t you just glad you’re not married to me?

I took Sadie in myself on Tuesday so that Jon could stay with the other kids and we had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. Once Sadie was taken back for surgery, I surprised myself by not crying. Yes, I manned up and decided to be a big girl. A mama. The funny thing is, I’ve had plenty of surgery myself (all elective of course, just for the drugs) but having your child have surgery is completely different. You become the person waiting and worrying instead of the person that other people are waiting and worrying about. Luckily, I found companionship with two other couples waiting for their grown children to come out of surgery as well. We sat around breaking Hippa laws right and left and it took my mind off of Sadie for the hour she was in there.

Once we got back to our room, Jon showed up and we hovered over Sadie while she dozed off and on in a Morphine haze. Eventually I left to go take over Matilda and Elby while Jon spent the night on the World’s Most Likely To Cause Future Back Surgery Cot. I’m not kidding, this thing sunk like a hammock if you so much as put a magazine on it to rest.

Yesterday I came back first thing and eventually took over for Jon and spent the night. When Sadie was feeling better we read Hand Hand Fingers Thumb about 40 million times because I’d only brought two other books which she didn’t care about.

She’s been fed a lot through the tube already and is taking the feedings like a champ. I have big hopes that this will put some weight on her and end the fulltime concentration on getting nutrition into her.

Okay, we’re about to pull out her IV so I need to go hold her hand. Then we’re on our way home.

Thanks for all the support.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 11, 2008 6:14 pmUncategorized47 comments  


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