Sadie came home last Sunday weighing a whopping 3.7 pounds. Matilda, meanwhile, is weighing in at just about 6. Man, she’s fat. So, no more NICU. It was a month that I actually thought would be more stressful than it was barring the bitchy nurse I blogged about earlier. Everyone else was so great that I went and bought two cheesecakes from Cheese Cake Factory (based on a commentor’s suggestion). One for the nightshift and one for the dayshift. By the way, in case you were ever thinking of just swinging on by the old CCF for a rasberry chocolate cheese cake, have some money in your wallet. Those fuckers are expensive. Two cheese cakes came to 87 dollars. Hmmm…I hope they were REALLY nice to our babies. Of course the bitchy nurse probably ate more than one piece. I should have left a note: NONE FOR KAREN. But I decided to be the bigger person. Meaning bigger in weight since I still have a lot to lose.
By the way, I think it’s so cute that people keep commenting about how great I look. But actually, I’m only a size two right now and I really want to get back down to my pre-pregnancy size zero. I mean, I worry about these people who have a baby and then just walk around with five extra pounds for WEEKS as if they don’t even care how they look. So sad.
Here are some jokes that don’t work as well in the NICU as you would imagine.
So, when I come pick up my baby do I need to bring anything? Like a car seat? Because I was hoping to just use one between the two babies. I’d like them to co-carseat.
On Christmas, my babies will be 38 weeks, is that an appropriate age to give them a teeny bit of chocolate?
If you HAD to pick, like if there was a gun to your head, which baby in here is the cutest?
Excuse me, nurse? Can you grab me a salad from the cafeteria? No croutons. Unlike last time!
Do you mind if I pump by Dr. Banks? It really helps my letdown reflex.
This is my cousin. You may recognize him from that Dateline segment “To Catch a Predator.”
Just out of curiousity, where do you keep the Percocet?
Oh God, how embarrassing, Dr. Banks, I thought this was pants optional Friday.