TOP 10 TOTALLY AWESOMEST THINGS ABOUT PARIS BEING OUT OF THE POKEY:
10. Due to her hunger strike, I better she looks even skinnier! How awesome is that?
9. Her upcoming novel she wrote in prison Behind Bars: One woman’s struggle to help young girls understand the risks of driving drunk, driving on a suspended license and being a total whore bag. Risks that include fame, money, special treatment and weight loss! I smell a best seller.
8. She won’t have to miss Lindsay’s big post rehab bash in Vegas!
7. She gets to wear that rad anklet which will definitely catch on with the young girls who read US Weekly.
6. More time to get back to doing nothing!
5. Post prison party in her pokey! That’s hot!
4. More time to get the restraining order from her cellmate, Big Lutrice, who has sworn to seek early release and “make you my wife, Beautiful Miss Paris!”
3. She and Martha Stewart can become more than just pen pals.
2. The next time she does Ecstasy it will be that much more intense after not doing it for five whole days!
1. She’ll be back crashing cars and making sex videos in time for this weekend!
Five days was long enough to get the results of her state paid for full STD panel!