My apologies that this has in the last couple of posts turned into a TV blog rather than a parenting blog. And, to be honest, my daughter is a lot more fascinating than the TV show I’m about to blast. But trust me when I tell you that you don’t want to hear about how cute it was to listen to her count to twenty in the 99 cents store and how funny it was to watch her lead a game of Yell and Jump Crazily at the library practically getting us 86’d by the bitchiest librarian I’ve seen since elementary school. It’s much more fun to rag on my other favorite hobby, laying comatose in front of the TV watching the worst shows that networks can dream up. Last night was a doozy – The Ex Wives Club. You need to only click on the website to see how insane this show is but I will describe it for you because I watched an entire episode last night which is 59 minutes more than you should ever watch. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that this show is a bigger train wreck than Age of Love.
The Ex Wives Club is hosted by three famous ex wives who are supposed to help a couple of non famous run of the mill losers get their shit together after being dumped. Which brings up the first roadblock to anyone actually enjoying this show: it’s hosted by Shar Jackson, Angie Everheart and Marla Maples. Earth to ABC! Shar fucking Jackson? Really? She isn’t even an ex wife! She had the bad sense to become a baby momma not once but twice to K-FED!! I don’t think anyone who’s ever been involved in any way with K-Fed should be hosting a show. She shouldn’t even be allowed to watch it. And to add insult to injury, she cried through the whole debacle. Every time one of the dumped told their sob story, Shar broke down in pain over having to be without K-Fed. She should have thrown a parade when that gross, mullet wearing, no talent, wigger left her for Britney. But if you think the credibility of the show is only lost because of her then you would be wrong. Marla Maples? ABC needs to get its head out of its ass and remember that MM was THE OTHER WOMAN in Donald Trumps life. She was the bitch he was cheating with! So while the dumpees are whining about being cheated on, Marla nods along as if to say “I get it.” Yeah, she gets it because she was screwing someone else’s husband! If that’s not enough to have you shaking your head in disbelief then try Angie Everheart. Once “engaged” to Sly Stallone NOT MARRIED, she went on to also be “engaged” to George Hamilton’s equally sun baked son Ashley who was possibly still a teenager and she was probably 50. So, she’s qualified to tell some poor loser why she’s so much better off after being dumped by her husband of 24 years. Yeah, Angie, you understand the true meaning of committment!
Let me try and calm down here. Yoga breaths. Deep cleansing yoga breaths.
The train wreck goes on to bore us for an entire hour with unintentionally hilarious cleansing rituals like “throw your ex husbands watch into burning lava!” and meeting with a world famous “Life Coach” named Debbie something or other whose face had fewer expressions than a totem pole. It was absolutely fitting that 50% of the commercials in this hour were for Restalyn and Juvederm and other marriage saving cosmetic techniques.
In the end one both of the dumpees left with no more self esteem or knowledge than they slumped in with but I definitely felt worse about myself for watching.
In other news, don’t watch me on the Today Show Thursday because I got bumped and won’t be doing it until July 10th. Two more weeks before I get to meet my lastest blog crush Momomax. If you haven’t read her blog, read it. It’s good. Seriously. I mean not as good as Ex Wives Club but really, what could be?