Jo: I don’t know who’s worse – Jo or Slade, the gay blade. This is one of the fakest relationships on reality tv. She’s using him for the money even though she clearly can’t stand him, and he is using her to make a better soap opera acting reel. Have you seen some of his crazy Blue Mountain card moments? “Jo, I love you so much that I must let you go. I need to let your beautiful heart be free – to whore it up in Los Angeles while I try my damndest to screw porn stars here in the OC.” They are both disgusting and highly watchable. Oh, and Jo singing has to be the saddest thing ever. She’s actually worse than Sanjaya which is nearly impossible to manage. Another thing I don’t like is when women use a fake baby voice. Jo does this constantly. “I’m sowwy, swade. I wuv you sooo much.” You’re also 30. Jesus.
Vicki: One of the lesser evils on the show. She’s like the girl that was on the outside of the popular clique in high school who would do anything to fit in. If the Heathers hate you, she hates you more. If gauchos and a stacked perm are in style, she’s eighth in line to get them even if it makes her look crazier than she already looks. Her only saving grace is that her grown daughter seems kind of normal.
Tammi: Do all their names end in i? Hmm…at first glance you’d think Tammi was the normal one. And her ex-bf Duff almost seems puppy doggish. But then, take a look at her two grown daughters. One of them looks like she works in George’s meth lab, even though she recently broke up with her boyfriend who was raising giant pitbulls and the other one has the most orange tan I’ve ever seen. She’s either using fake tanner from the eighties or she’s jaundiced. Plus, the orange one might be less intelligent than anyone on the show – which is saying A LOT. Also, you know that Tammi’s ex husband is now married to a Thai child mail order bride right? I’m telling you, these are screwed up people.
Jeana: I almost like her except that her son, Shane is screwed up. She’s definitely not with her husband even though she claims they’re still together. I spend most of her screentime trying to reconcile the way she looks now with the way she looked in the ZZ Top video years ago. It just can’t be the same person.
Okay, I’m tired now. But I can hardly wait for the reunion show!