My daughter has learned the immense and powerful glory of the mixed message. Sometimes I’ll ask her, “Can we run out to the drug store so mommy can go get her long overdue prescription for Klonopin? It’s right there down the street at the drug store. Good feelings are minutes away. Please don’t cry or have a meltdown and ruin my play for a peaceful night.”
Crying ensues. “Want to stay home. Watch Delego (this is how she pronouces Diego. She knows how to say it right but she knows even better what suckers we are at her purposeful to be cute mispronounciation). She wins. But not for long. It ain’t over by a long shot.
What if we found a fun toy at the CVS. “Something with Dora on it?” she asks plaintively? Oh, game on. “um, of course, am I dumb? Absofuckinglutely with Dora on it.” I left out the word fucking. But it was in my mind. yeah, I’m a mom. I still swear in my head. Why don’t you sue me if you don’t like it. Call Child Services and let them know I only breast fed for 4 weeks while you’re at it.
So, to the drugstore we managed to go. Immediately E found some bubbles with Dora on them and she was all set. Until she found the cheesy necklace that came with a mirror that’s not really a mirror, it just has that tin foil type shit that disquises itself as a mirror. I decided she didn’t need that, until she was old enough to do lines of coke from it in a detached but cool way in the club bathroom with her best friend Britney Spears. At which point we’d immediately have her arrested! Tough love!
But I did buy her an 8 pack of Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers which totally made her day. It doesn’t take much. As opposed to her mother.
She also tried on all the old peoples glasses on display in the store and looked pretty darn cute in the Woody Allen pair. If Woody bought glasses at CVS which I seriously doubt.
Anyway, E came home the proud receipiant of Dora bubbles and lip gloss. Is there a better day for a two year old? I don’t think so.
I came home with a prescription for Klonopin. Is there a better night for a 40 year old? I don’t think so.