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Does Being a Mother Mean Having an Overgrown Bush?

I don’t want to be crass. Okay, sure I do. Who am I kidding. If you could see inside my soul, you’d be amazed at the beautiful singer/songwriters I adore, the Lifetime movies that leave me sobbing (even on Zoloft), the way I restrain myself from thinking judgemental thought of other women I see at Office Depot who cut in line in front of older women because they’re “in a hurry.” Yes, I try. But sometimes one can’t help but be crass in an attempt to connect with other moms. Now, all you hippies out there, you can just disregard this email but for the rest of you — can you relate to my 70’s retrobush that’s starting to happen?

Oh, I try. I do. I go and get my Brazilian but it seems to happen less and less often and then in between I have to shave and then it just seems easier to shave (not to mention cheaper). But, God, I love the feeling of being all freshly waxed all around the parts that we can’t see but know they are hairy. I love the secret sexiness I feel. Better than a pedicure, more decadent than a Snackwell cookie binge, and usually leading to that all elusive sex. Partly because I feel good and party because my feeling good leads to making others feel good.

But, damn, longer and longer I go between a waxing. It starts to feel so intimate that I dread it like I dread the gynocologist. But at least with the Gyno they know exactly what they’re doing. At the nail salon I go to, we’re dealing with a curtain, hot wax and a woman who doesn’t speak the greatest English in the world. She does understand that word “AAAAAAH, that hurt.” But it doesn’t seem to phase her.

I love the feeling though when I’m leaving and it’s done! Not to have to be repeated for at least a month. Okay three weeks but I’m Russian. Yet, I don’t go back. Why? Don’t I care anymore?

Is this why I’ve actually gone to bed after being at the gym that day without showering? Is this what my hygiene’s come to?

File this under Overshare.

Peace out.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 26, 2007 7:09 pmUncategorized18 comments  

18 Comments

  1. L.A. Daddy said,

    Oh, I admire your courage. I can’t even begin to imagine the fear I have about going to someone to wax the boys.

    Of course, anything has got to be better than going down there with scissors or a razor… Sharp objects and the family jewels don’t mix well.

    | March 26, 2007 @ 8:23 pm

  2. Meegan said,

    I’m glad it’s not just me. I have a 6 1/2 month old baby and a 7 month old bush. Nice. Ok, I do shave but I could still use some major weed-whacking. Sometimes I rival 70’s porn-stars, but with a lot (A LOT) less action. Lovely, right? Yes.

    | March 26, 2007 @ 8:44 pm

  3. Dana said,

    Imagine living in my town where we don’t even have salons that offer a Brazilian. It’s awful. I hate it.

    | March 26, 2007 @ 9:30 pm

  4. Tuesday Girl said,

    I can’t get up enough courage to do a brazilian. Right now I shave and with the razor rash and the fact I have to do it every other live long day, I am at my wits end.

    I am hoping to gather the strength to get a brazilian before the summer.

    | March 26, 2007 @ 11:40 pm

  5. Mom101 said,

    You don’t want to know what things are looking like down there with me these days. I had such a painful 8 month wax the last pregnancy–no doubt due to the incompetence of the waxer, more so than any sort of pregnancy sensitivity. She really really sucked–that I have been reluctant to go for the last (mumble mumble) months.

    Well that’s one thing to be said for the crappy wiinter weather in NY – a few months with no waxing required.

    | March 27, 2007 @ 2:51 am

  6. Jenée said,

    L.A. Daddy:

    Chewbacca’s crotch and a woman’s mouth don’t mix well. Triiiiiiiim it. And tell your friends to do the same.

    Stef:

    I doubt it takes 200 hours of beauty school to learn how to give a bikini wax. Make your husband learn how to do it and have him wax you. Turn your waxing sessions from a burden into foreplay.

    | March 27, 2007 @ 8:40 am

  7. rivergirlie said,

    waxing technicians and dental hygienists are trained to ignore ‘AAAAAAAAAGH’. it’s because we wuss out that we pay them not to. cruel to be kind – blah blah

    | March 27, 2007 @ 11:20 am

  8. Guwi said,

    I don’t wax because I’m a big (evidently hairy) chicken, but I’d love the after-effects. And yes, the upkeep is more sporadic, so I’m with you on that one. Definitely has changed since being a mother.

    Here’s an example of my maintenance slipping somewhat: I live in the northeast, it’s only now creeping to above 40 degrees outside, so I’ll admit: I don’t shave my legs every day (month). I decided to shave the yeti mess yesterday, only just after I started, I ran out of shaving cream, plus I remembered that I was the last one to shower and I’d probably run out of hot water, plus the weed whacker was out of gas. So I stopped. 1/4 of the way through.

    I have a very clean-shaven strip up my leg. Think: Michael Douglas in Romancing the Stone, taking a scythe to the undergrowth so he could walk through.

    My husband’s response *insert sarcasm*: “That’s hot.”

    Motherhood is SO glamourous.

    | March 27, 2007 @ 2:15 pm

  9. In the Trenches of Mommyhood said,

    That was a laugh-out-loud post…and I was nodding my head (in agreement) the whole time…thankfully I have some incentive…the whopping 8 yr anniversary is in April…guess it’s time to be shorn.

    | March 27, 2007 @ 11:54 pm

  10. gmcountrymama said,

    Definately filed under overshare. But I like to share. I, like dana, have no place within a 30 mile radius to get a Brazilian, so I go with the shave. I get rid of it all, so much better than trying to worry if some is sticking out of my bathing suit, and well, every husband likes a wannabe porn star.

    | March 28, 2007 @ 1:31 pm

  11. BlogWhore said,

    wow. that is a lot of info.

    all of you waxing mamas are making me think my jungle beave is old-school.

    p.s. i’ve got a new url.

    | March 28, 2007 @ 7:06 pm

  12. gingajoy said,

    I’ve never undergone the wax–mainly because I am a curiously hairless creature, but I must admit when I was reintroduced to my bush post partum a few months back I was shocked and amazed at its unruliness. I am thnking that even if I don;t wax, some nail scissors could at least come in handy.

    | March 28, 2007 @ 7:49 pm

  13. Kelly said,

    What blogwhore said…

    I’m mostly Italian. Now being mostly Italian doesn’t necessarily mean you are destined for hirsuted-ness when you grow up, but in my case it was the goddam truth. I wax around the beav, meaning those pesky strays, but actually having someone put wax on my labia and ripping the hair off?

    Jesus, I get woozy just thinking of it. So, for the time being, it’s just a good trim as far down as I can get it!

    | March 29, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

  14. Y said,

    I will never have that done because my friend said she had to “get on all fours.”

    Um.

    OH HELL NO.

    | March 29, 2007 @ 4:45 pm

  15. Stefanie said,

    Y – you are right about getting on all fours. That’s so they can get the butt. It’s the most undignified part of the “procedure” but necessary if you’re Russian like me. The first time they told me to do that I was like “WHOA” but they calmed me down and it was over in a jiffy.

    | March 29, 2007 @ 4:51 pm

  16. Y said,

    Oh man. See, I couldn’t do it. I have a hard enough time when my husband asks me to do it and I’ve been doing it for him for 17 years!

    WOOF WOOF.

    I could not bring myself to do that in front of a stranger. Seriously, I’d be like. OK I’M ALL DONE THANK YOU GOODBYE.

    | March 29, 2007 @ 7:30 pm

  17. Jane is Dating said,

    Oh since you’re oversharing, here’s my tale: i’m DONE with waxing, I loved it until I got this MASSIVE overgrown hair down there which mind you sent me into a downward spiral because I’m here thinking I got something else- I go to the OB and she laughs and says- this is a HUGE overgrown hair…thanks for the HUGE part lady, now she fixed it and I can finally sit again. How’s that for oversharing? I wasn’t sure whether or not to write this on my blog so now it’s on yours :)

    | March 31, 2007 @ 3:06 am

  18. Nicole said,

    I have a retro “70’s porn” bush and I love it! Grow it high and wide girls, high and wide.

    | July 17, 2008 @ 10:16 pm

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