First off, can I just tell you that I just love everyone who reads my blog? I know I don’t always go comment on yours but that doesn’t mean I don’t go look or appreciate that you take the time to comment and be supportive or funny or both.
So, I have to tell you that if you are a mom who has struggled with post partum and you’re expecting number two, ZOLOFT BABY! I know some people are against medication for one reason or another but I feel like a different person with this baby and I started the Zoloft in the hospital after they were born. I realize some of you will say, “but it gets in your breast milk” and to that I say that I did the research and it’s a very small amount that gets in there. It’s much worse if you’re actually pregnant (which I stopped all drugs except heroin completely while I was incubating the twins). Of course, no matter what, having babies causes anxiety and if you’re anything like me, it can make you feel like you will never have your life back and that is an anxiety provoking feeling no matter what. But at least I’m not crying every five minutes and thinking about driving to CVS and never coming back. My post partum was really bad the first time and I didn’t have friends with babies or a support system to tell me that something was wrong and I should see a doctor. When I did see my OB (not the one who delivered the twins but an evil man who I will call Dr. Pine, because that is his name), he brushed me off with a “yeah, well you had a baby, it’s a big responsibility. You’ll be fine.” If by fine he meant crying every second, not sleeping or eating and thinking my husband was going to leave me was fine then he was right. I was fine.
Anyway, segue time, speaking of crying, I’m going to give you a list of movies that make me cry every single time I watch them and then I want you to leave a comment and add one of yours. And using Terms of Endearment is not fair. We’re talking about movies you wouldn’t necessarily expect would make you cry or cheesy movies that you are embarrassed even make you cry.
Here goes my list:
I’ll Do Anything – this little James Brooks gem leaves me sobbing everytime toward the end when the little girl has to make herself cry for the acting part. If you haven’t seen it you really should.
When a Man Loves a Woman – This is the one with Meg Ryan before she made her lips into trouts. It really is her best acting work ever. She plays an alcoholic and the movie is real and not like some stupid Sandra Bullock shitfest like 28 days. This movie is like the aftermath of getting sober and how fucked up your life can feel when you don’t have booze as a crutch. Plus, Andy Garcia is in it. If you have seen it then you will know the parts that make me cry and there are about three of them that never fail. But I don’t want to spoil it so watch it and then we’ll talk.
Dead Poet’s Society – Okay, Come on, Carpe Diem? I know I know but every single solitary time Ethan Hawk gets on that desk and says, “Oh Captain My Captain” I’m inconsolable for about four hours. What is that? Plus, Robin Williams actually keeping his antics under control. I mean, it’s no Patch Adams but…
Set It Off – This is a movie with Jada Pinkett, Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox and some chick I can’t remember. Every single time I watch it I cry when Queen Latifah…well, you’ll see. It’s so good. Watch it with some girlfriends.
Schindler’s List – I’m kidding. It’s a comedy right?
Thelma and Louise – I’m in a heap at the end. I love this movie.
Love and Basketball – I’m a sucker for a suprise ending.
The Professional – Oh dear God how I cry at the end of that one. So sad and so fucking excellent.
Georgia – This is just one of my very favorite movies and some of Jennifer Jason Leighs best work. I can’t remember if it make me cry but I thought I throw it in. Cause why not?
That’s all I can think of for now but I’ll keep trying. Send yours!!!
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 31, 2007 6:28 pm
Sadie came home last Sunday weighing a whopping 3.7 pounds. Matilda, meanwhile, is weighing in at just about 6. Man, she’s fat. So, no more NICU. It was a month that I actually thought would be more stressful than it was barring the bitchy nurse I blogged about earlier. Everyone else was so great that I went and bought two cheesecakes from Cheese Cake Factory (based on a commentor’s suggestion). One for the nightshift and one for the dayshift. By the way, in case you were ever thinking of just swinging on by the old CCF for a rasberry chocolate cheese cake, have some money in your wallet. Those fuckers are expensive. Two cheese cakes came to 87 dollars. Hmmm…I hope they were REALLY nice to our babies. Of course the bitchy nurse probably ate more than one piece. I should have left a note: NONE FOR KAREN. But I decided to be the bigger person. Meaning bigger in weight since I still have a lot to lose.
By the way, I think it’s so cute that people keep commenting about how great I look. But actually, I’m only a size two right now and I really want to get back down to my pre-pregnancy size zero. I mean, I worry about these people who have a baby and then just walk around with five extra pounds for WEEKS as if they don’t even care how they look. So sad.
Here are some jokes that don’t work as well in the NICU as you would imagine.
So, when I come pick up my baby do I need to bring anything? Like a car seat? Because I was hoping to just use one between the two babies. I’d like them to co-carseat.
On Christmas, my babies will be 38 weeks, is that an appropriate age to give them a teeny bit of chocolate?
If you HAD to pick, like if there was a gun to your head, which baby in here is the cutest?
Excuse me, nurse? Can you grab me a salad from the cafeteria? No croutons. Unlike last time!
Do you mind if I pump by Dr. Banks? It really helps my letdown reflex.
This is my cousin. You may recognize him from that Dateline segment “To Catch a Predator.”
Just out of curiousity, where do you keep the Percocet?
Oh God, how embarrassing, Dr. Banks, I thought this was pants optional Friday.
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 29, 2007 4:58 am
Okay, sorry it’s been awhile. A lot’s happened. I don’t want to excite you people too much but I have many fun things to blog about. First off, Matilda is home now weighing a hair over five pounds. Here’s a very happy homecoming picture. I’m sporting my “squirrel coat” as my husband likes to call it, I suspect because he loves it so much. I’m pretty sure there is a small colony of something nasty nesting in the collar at this point. So maybe not the most sanitary choice of warmth options. Stop judging.
She came home on Sunday. So what’s today? Thursday? I’ve been a bit busy with one baby here and one still in the NICU but I wanted to tell you all how it’s going. Fine. Actually, it’s pretty amazing having a baby here. Better than bringing my first daughter home because I actually feel less anxious about her. Thank you Zoloft! Plus, the NICU has her on a schedule and she’s really into it. Of course that will change but for now it’s easier deal with waking up at fairly set times.
Big sister Elby is sort of happy about her. Sort of. She did manage to play her a song at a sound level that I wasn’t aware your average harmonica could achieve. She also gave her a daisy.
So I’m adjusting to pumping, feeding, pumping, feeding, peeing, visiting Sadie in the NICU. Luckily I’m having a mad passionate affair with the main doctor in charge of the NICU. He’s kind of remote and a bit withholding (exactly my type) with not much sense of humor that I can readily see (but I know it’s there). But he wears these big glasses which hide very sensitive eyes and despite the chinos and polo shirts, let’s face it, a vulnerable mom in a NICU is an easy target. Although we probably won’t be getting married since I now have three kids and a minivan and, oh yeah, a husband I love. I do refer to him as my boyfriend whenever I’m in the NICU mostly because it unnerves the nursing staff.
I have to go see Sadie, who know weighs in at just over 3 pounds and may be coming home in a week. Tune in tomorrow because I have gossip! And not just about Jamie Lynn Spears being knocked up. But how fucking funny is that? Apparently mom, Lynn’s book about raising girls is on “hold.”
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 16, 2007 6:19 pm
I would post up an update like about how Fatty Mattie is going to be released from the NICU anyday now. They don’t tell you anything exact. One minute the twins are bunking together the next day they want you to bring in a car seat to do a car seat test where they test their stamina on sitting upright for an hour. Of course the way I drive the test should be a lot more rigorous. I’ll have to remember to pop that in the suggestion box. Anyway, I would post an update very much like this except that some horrible movie that will give me nightmares called Hostel is on cable while I wait for pumping time to creep up on me again.
I’m supposed to wake up in the middle of the night to pump. Well, if I really loved my daughters and wanted to keep the meager milk train flowing as much as possible I’d never let more than five hours pass by even at night. As it is I pump every 2 to 2.5 hours during daylight but the nighttime is just too much to bear. I only do it if I can’t sleep for some reason.
So just to let you know, full disclosure, I got into it with a nurse at the NICU. All of them except this one is the nicest person on the planet. But seriously, I have to take an extra clonnie to deal with her “expertise” and forty or fifty years of experience which gives her a condescending attitude. I asked her if I could pick up my baby (this was 15 minutes before their feeding) and she said “No.” So I said why and she said “We talked about this mommy” in a tone usually directed at first graders who maybe should’ve repeated kindergarten. Anyway, she went on to tell me that if I didn’t care about my babies getting their rest so they can grow I could take them for a walk around the hospital grounds for all she cares. It’s up to me their my babies.
I told her I didn’t like her tone. And we had a talk during which I cried. But I’m no wuss and I didn’t put up with her jaded shit.
Time to pump.
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 14, 2007 6:05 am
See, here I am, waking up, pumping, taking my daughter to school, pumping, visiting my daughters in the NICU and hope for a little eye contact but settling for a diaper change, some cuddling and praying for a report that they’ve gained an ounce. Then it’s off to pick up daughter from school, pump, entertain, pump, did I mention pumping? Laundry, pump, play with daughter and try not to seem distracted…it would seem like my life is kind of hard right now. But then I think, “God, Stefanie, you are so selfish. All you think about is yourself when there are people who have it much harder than you.” Exactly, like for instance that one dude from Lost who got a DUI – is he going to end up serving a few days in the pokey? Or what about Lauri from OC Housewives. Will she get her dream wedding? It just doesn’t seem like the location she’s chosen will fit as many guests as she would want in a perfect world. Do you see? Do you? The world…it’s not perfect. Let’s take Amy Winehouse — a horrible picture of her just surfaced on the Internet. That can’t be a good feeling. So, what have I learned. Stop being so self centered and realize there’s a big world out there and Britney Spears is in it fucking up worse everyday. And that it ‘s time to pump again.
But here’s a quick update on my ladies. Matilda is past her birthweight (after losing a bit). She’s 4.4 oz. and Sadie is 2.8 so she’s still the smallest baby I’ve ever seen but also the cutest. If she can stay this slim, I may have to enter her in a preemie beauty pageant. Hopefully, the judges can come to the NICU. Oh, but what will she choose for her talent? She has so many to choose from: nippling, sucking, holding her own body temp, ripping out her feeding tube…
Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on December 11, 2007 6:05 am