I call this picture “Happy Holidays – It’s 80 Fricken Degrees Out Here.”
I’m not cooking a turkey this year. At least not from scratch. I may put it in the oven and warm it up but I’m not making it. I tried it last year for the first time and, let’s just say it wasn’t good. Have you ever tasted the bottom of a New Balance running shoe after the wearer finished the Boston Marathon? Well, to say it was like that would be paying it a compliment. Everything but the turkey turned out fine. Butternut Squash Soup – delish, Garlic Mashed Potatoes – even Oprah would say fuck it and have seconds, the rolls? Reheated to perfection and the gravy and stuffing were from a can and box respecively so it’s hard to go wrong. But the turkey – not so much. And before you go all Rachel Ray on me, yes, I brined it. Please don’t start writing in with your special “can’t go wrong” recipe because it’s the main part of the meal! It can and will go wrong and then we’ll be stuck eating green bean casserole as a main course again.
I’m buying my bird from Gelsons and I will not feel the least bit guilty. I’ll be too busy feeling guilty about lots of other things. Hey, I’m a Jew, it’s in the contract.