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Things Are Tough All Over

Lately I’ve been frustrated with how expensive it is to live in Los Angeles. Even a moderate middle class lifestyle is difficult to maintain out here. And, hey, I may want to get Botox soon and that shit ain’t cheap. Sometimes I have these fantasies of just getting the hell out. Selling the house for an okay profit, relocating somewhere lush with greenery, building a lake house and living a peaceful small town existance.

A close mom friend (we met in Target when the babes were ten-weeks-old)who has a chic Hollywood job is cashing it all in to move across the country to some state that starts with the letter A where she can smash her Blackberry, spend time with her daughter and let her husband run an electrical company. I’m jealous. But I can’t do it. First and foremost, no one is going to be impressed with my resume of working on shitty reality shows in Alabama. The folks in Arkansas won’t care that I wrote “the funny” on Show Me the Funny. No one in Alaska has probably even seen Blind Date or the two Chuck Woolery hosted seasons of the All New Dating Game. And who am I fooling? I couldn’t pull a Men in Trees and move to Alaska anyway. I wouldn’t last ten minutes in a state with cold weather. I don’t even own a parka. In fact, I’m almost certain I’ve never spoken the word parka out loud. I freely admit I’m a weather wuss. Not too mention the lack of consistant sunlight would be hell on my S.A.D. I spend enough on anti-depressants as it is. I’m not a big seasons whore either. I’m not interested in scraping my car windows in the winter, raking the lawn in the fall or shoring up the roads for hurricane season. Yes, there are earthquakes here. I’m aware of that fact I just try not to think about it.

As far as my husband goes, he’d love to move for the sake of raising our daughter somewhere safe, clean and quiet but he has no electrical skills to speak of. So he won’t be running an electrical company – he could produce a documentary film about one but I’m not sure the broad appeal of that.

So, the other day I was in a toy store with my daughter trying to burn off the morning and I started thinking that maybe I could work in a store in my new lush green, seasonless fantasy state I’d be moving to. Wouldn’t it be nice to just have no drama for a few years? Hang out behind the counter of a little bookstore, greeting customers by their first names. Sure, minimum wage is a kizz-unt but that’s just the trade off. That’s when I overheard this conversation between the only two employees in the store:

Slightly Grumpy With Big Hair and Bigger Glasses: I just don’t see why Clint has me doing the puzzle section. It’s ridiculous. He was supposed to do it himself but he clearly just doesn’t feel like it and thinks he can put it off on me because he has seniority.

Navy Blue and Red plaid Teddy Bear Sweater: Well I had to work overtime three days straight because he couldn’t get the books to balance. I don’t see why he doesn’t do it on the computer. My seven-year-old grandson could figure it out on the computer. Last week the trains never came in, he blamed ME. Of course, he just forgot to order them. I swear if I knew I wouldn’t have to resort to eating dog food the second my social security check was a day late, I’d quit this hell hole in a heartbeat.

Okay, the last sentence was added in my mind because I was thinking, it’s all the same wherever you go.

Except in some other A states there are a lot more Republicans and my husband might punch one and get us 86’d from Arkansas. So we may as well stay put.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on October 15, 2006 3:19 amUncategorized27 comments  

27 Comments

  1. Julie said,

    I daydream of moving all the time. I know me though… and I would love it for maybe a month and then start bitching about it. I don’t care if it was the French Riviera.

    | October 15, 2006 @ 12:44 pm

  2. Summer said,

    moving!! i have been moving since 1976…Beirut-Lebanon is number 14 move for me and my family..although we maintain a home in the Chicago area…we have to, most of our family is over there, but we love living in Beirut despite the unstable political situation and a recent war!! the weather is great, the city has a great atmosphere, the people are outgoing and nice, too much Botox though..and the food is great! i cannot complain!

    | October 15, 2006 @ 12:51 pm

  3. Andrew said,

    Lots of people think the grass is greener, including those of us who live in the trees (well, a MUCH smaller city) and wonder whether we could do better in a larger center with more economic opportunities. At least you’re not alone in trying to figure it out.

    Andrew
    To Love, Honor and Dismay

    | October 15, 2006 @ 5:18 pm

  4. Anonymous said,

    Just have to say I loved Blind Date. It was on at midnight though, which was an awkward time when I had to be up at 6.

    Enjoyed your blog!

    | October 15, 2006 @ 7:01 pm

  5. GIRL'S GONE CHILD said,

    YOU ARE SO FUNNY! Poor teddy-bear-sweater-girl!

    I wanna move too. But to one of two very specific places and um, my opinion hardly matters at this point because I make $15 an hour working a non-profit to pay for gas money and my rather freakish addiction to corn-on-the-cob.

    | October 15, 2006 @ 7:51 pm

  6. pamela hornik said,

    That is a big topic here in Silicon Valley as well…I often dream of moving to a vineyard somewhere, living on a farm, or someplace that is just simpler. Than I realize I am too high maintenence for my dreams.

    | October 16, 2006 @ 2:09 am

  7. Phat Kat said,

    We just moved from Studio City California to Toronto Canada and the sole reason was to raise our child somewhere more sane than LA. So, I can see what you are eluding to. I have to say, I miss Trader Joes, Target and Bath and Body Works. I would have missed Victoria Secret but my post baby body isn’t condusive to VS yet. Oh the American Consumerism….it sure did consume me! Enjoy reading you blog.

    | October 16, 2006 @ 3:02 am

  8. Shannon said,

    HEY! Don’t even joke about moving! Not funny. Seriously. Then I’d be stuck in this overpriced concrete jungle ALONE.

    My Grandparents live in Oklahoma and are always trying to convince us we *need* to move there. I laugh it off, but they paid 400,000 for a 5,000 square foot house on 5 acres, with a little lake on it. There are even ducks in their little lake. It makes me wanna cry.

    | October 16, 2006 @ 5:00 am

  9. Stefanie said,

    Shannon, you know my ass ain’t moving. But you want to move too! I’m just indulging in a daydream. And you know the toystore I speak of!

    | October 16, 2006 @ 5:08 am

  10. Izzy said,

    I have the same fantasy. Cash out and move someplace calmer and less expensive. But then fears of snow and vast numbers of Bible-toting Republicans overcome me…

    | October 16, 2006 @ 1:04 pm

  11. MrsFortune said,

    I’ve seen almost everything with Chuck Woolery, including the all new Dating Game. So your resume would impress me and you can come work for me any day, except there is some snow scraping involved, so ….

    | October 16, 2006 @ 4:32 pm

  12. jennster said,

    where do you live in LA? move somewhere else, there. any maybe you’ll like it more. there ARE smaller towns in LA that are super nice and family oriented. where i grew up, for example. email me!

    i daydream about living in a small, southern town too- but not until blake is old enough because i couldn’t imagine raising blake in a place that wasn’t open minded. i want blake to experience all that california has to offer.

    | October 16, 2006 @ 6:58 pm

  13. Denise said,

    BRAINSTORM! Move to Massachusetts, ok, my town, well ok, my street, and Jon can do a documentary about stay-at-home moms who drink together. BRILLIANT!

    | October 17, 2006 @ 1:14 pm

  14. Binkytown said,

    I’m firmly planted where I am but it gets reaaaally cold here and I daydream about living in california all the time. Don’t underestimate the effects of living in a climate where you can actually go outside- if you moved you’d have to pay more for extra AD’s & tequilla to offset the lack of sunlight :)

    | October 17, 2006 @ 6:45 pm

  15. Jess Riley said,

    I’d pay you in daily homemade cookies and cocktails if there was a slight chance you’d move to my city in Wisconsin. Have I ever told you how glamorous it is? And how there are, like, NO Republicans for miles and miles? And no religious zealots that make their three year-olds stick graphic anti-choice literature in your front door?

    | October 18, 2006 @ 9:10 pm

  16. Denise said,

    ALRIGHT, FINE! I’ll scrape your damn windows!

    | October 18, 2006 @ 10:01 pm

  17. Jeny said,

    Wait, wait, wait.

    Are you telling me you wrote for Blind Date?

    Oh my God I used to LOVE that show!

    | October 19, 2006 @ 10:21 am

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    Hey Stef, shoot me an email when you have a sec

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    | October 19, 2006 @ 6:55 pm

  19. Haley-O said,

    I’ve thought about moving. The hubby would like it. But, I’d miss my family and friends too much….

    | October 21, 2006 @ 1:12 am

  20. MelaVela said,

    We’ve gotten a lot of Cali people migrating down to Texas lately because of the cost of living. They’re amazed at the prices of our houses in San Antonio.

    | November 8, 2006 @ 3:46 am

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