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Stef Puffy Combs

Lately I feel like all I’m doing is gaining weight. I dipped to my lowest ever due to a poorly prescribed Zoloft amount which made me completely lose my appetite. But since that’s been straightened out, I’ve been slowly creeping back to the higher numbers. Luckily for me, I live in Los Angeles. You might be thinking, “what do you mean, luckily for you? Los Angeles is the most judgemental city of all.” And to that I would respond “True.” But…here’s the thing; what I do when caught in the undertoe of weight neurosis is to tell myself that I’m just putting on poundage for a role. Yeah, I’m like Renee Zellweggy

only less British.

Wait a minute…see, exactly like Renee. Now that’s a delusion I can hang my hat on. I can walk down the street, thighs and butt threatening to attempt a jail break from my jeans, to say nothing of my Victoria Secret underwear making a vicious red mark on my hips, and think “yes! It’s all for my art!”

Okay, whatever, so that’s not exactly true. I have been feeling bad about it. I’ve been looking longingly at my skinny jeans and wondering if I’ll ever see that size again. What am I supposed to do – stop eating french fries? That just seems harsh. Looking back on that glorious 100 mg. Zoloft time, I can’t help but feel sad that there was a point that weight loss was effortless, a plate of cookies meaning nothing more than a big steaming pile of brocolli. Those times are gone. And I’m missing them like Lisa Kudrow misses Friends.

The weirdest thing is that when I was skinny skinny and people would say how great I looked I would think they were assholes because I was waaaay too skinny and how dare they think that painfully skinny is sexy.

Now I have to put my money where my mouth is. And that’s on the Trader Joe’s mac and cheese I steal from Elby everyday.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on September 23, 2006 3:43 amUncategorized14 comments  

14 Comments

  1. Taira said,

    I completely understand what you’re going through. Ever since i moved to Alaska all there is to do in the winter is eat and have sex. Since I already got two kids I tended to stuff my face more often.

    I thought i was fine until recently i saw a picture of myself and I nearly broke down in tears but of course I reached out for the Ben&Jerry’s instead.

    Im a pudgy size 9 jeans now (the biggest I’ve ever been) and two days ago I was cleaning my closet when I found an old size 3 pair. I couldnt get them past my knees! I dunno why I kept them, maybe i like self-torture. Thank God were moving to New Mexico next week, maybe I’ll be able to put down the candy bar and get out into the sun. Or maybe I’ll have a Bridget Jones moment and stuff myself into tight clothing. *sigh* decisions, decisions…

    | September 23, 2006 @ 5:57 am

  2. Anonymous said,

    I’m 3 kilos over what I usually weigh (um, 2.4 lbs to the kilo? – about 8 lbs?). True, my son is 6 months old, but the weight had been coming off really nicely, and it’s sort of plateau-ed for the past month. I have just ordered a mail order skirt – divine – in my usual UK size 12 (we’re not as bad as the US, but I think our sizes are definitely getting larger) which was very comfortable for where I am now. Size on the label be damned though – I know I’m slightly overweight because I can’t fit into 3/4 of the stuff in my wardrobe (including The Skirt of Truth) – I am facing the decision:

    Do I send back the 12 and get a 10 and risk having a divine skirt that I never actually lose enough weight to feel good in languishing in my wardrobe

    or

    do I resign myself to a newer, fatter, me and keep the 12?

    I’m sending the fucker back – I’m not giving up without a fight but oh dear lord that will mean Portion Control and argh…. less wine.

    Got any more of that Zoloft?

    Alchemilla

    | September 23, 2006 @ 12:48 pm

  3. lynsalyns said,

    I joined Weight Watchers online and I’ve been lying on the points calculator. LYING TO MYSELF.

    Baby weight sucks. So does anti-depressant weight. Wish I had words of wisdom. But I don’t!

    | September 23, 2006 @ 1:18 pm

  4. SHannon said,

    I think you are way too hard on yourself. When I first met you you looked sickly, but now I think you look perfect! Seriously though, we are living in the land of the unrealistically skinny. I feel like a COW here. Maybe we should move to Alaska?

    | September 23, 2006 @ 3:39 pm

  5. surcie said,

    With Paxil, I didn’t have anxiety attacks. But I didn’t feel full after I ate, either. I decided it was better to be fat and emotionally stable than skinny and a wreck.

    | September 23, 2006 @ 6:30 pm

  6. mothergoosemouse said,

    This is one of those topics that I hate to post about because complaining that I’ll never get back into my size S Betsey Johnson dresses and size 2 clothes from Bloomingdales is a surefire way to piss off women who’ll always be in double-digit sizes (and who look great that way).

    But I’m happy being a healthy weight, consuming healthy amounts of healthy foods. And I definitely don’t want to convey to my girls that I’m unhappy with my size. Because I’m not; I just want to keep my clothes, not consign them.

    | September 23, 2006 @ 8:38 pm

  7. sarcastic journalist said,

    I love the Zoloft diet. It makes me very happy. I shall never ever ever go off the Zoloft diet.

    The end.

    | September 24, 2006 @ 2:44 am

  8. xanaxmom said,

    I don’t think I’ll ever wear my skinny jeans again. Tummy tuck is sounding better and better every day!

    | September 24, 2006 @ 5:18 am

  9. Suzy said,

    Yo Puffy, I saw you a year ago and you were smokin’. Do you just need a hug?

    | September 24, 2006 @ 6:10 am

  10. Izzy said,

    Wish I had some fabulous words of wisdom but I am the person stuck with 10 lbs of baby weight that nothing seems to get rid of. With my first baby, I ended up needing thyroid meds a year postpartum and I lost about 9 lbs in 10 days. That’s my kinda diet…

    | September 24, 2006 @ 10:36 pm

  11. Jenny said,

    I totally can relate.

    I think Renee Zellweger is so dang cute…until I start to look like her. Then I think she looks awful.

    Meanwhile I’m sure we both look hot and just can’t appreciate it at all.

    | September 25, 2006 @ 12:42 pm

  12. Binkytown said,

    Why is this so drilled into us that we feel that we should fit into our pre-pregnancy clothes. I’m no different, I want to desperately- just not desperately enough to actually sacrifice to get there.

    (I also did the Zoloft – I think I’m going to puke- weight loss then I’m never full weight gain program. It sucks)

    | September 25, 2006 @ 5:20 pm

  13. Mom101 said,

    Oh I’m so there. For me it’s a pair of size 4 Marc Jacobs jeans from Fred Segal that I looked fucking hot in. They were the hook-up jeans. Sigh. I don’t know why I even have them in the back of the closet at all. I didn’t fit in them when I got pregnant and I’m certainly not going to fit in them at all.

    The only thing I have to take issue with is the Friends reference. I think Matt LeBlanc misses it wayyyyy more.

    | September 26, 2006 @ 12:07 am

  14. Haley-O said,

    You’re probably gaining weight because you were eating so little before. It’ll stabilize. At least you’re happy (and not anxious), right?

    | September 28, 2006 @ 3:45 am

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