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How I Use My Breasts Is My Business

So, I’m googing myself as I often do when I have time on my hands due to Elby sleeping or some unforseen break given to me by my husband, when I come across something entitled Sippy Cups are Not For Chardonnay rant. I immediately have to go see what this is all about. I’m not surprised when I’m taken to Mothering.com and find that a few of those judgemental breast feeding advocates or as I like to call them, “tit terrorists” didn’t love my book. But I was a little taken a back by just how humorless, judgemental and ignorant women can be toward each other. I don’t want to start a debate here on my blog about breast feeding. It’s obvious that these days the topic is about as neutral as abortion or capital punishment – but you’d think that I was advocating using babies for human experiments or suggesting that heroin is great for kids by these women’s reactions.

The reason I talked about breast feeding in my book was that I wanted to share my own personal experience with it. For anyone that hasn’t read Sippy Cups, and I’m sure there are a couple of you out there, I didn’t have an easy time of it.

When I was in the throes of misery, trying in vain to breast feed my baby with my 20 years before surgically reduced breasts (something I didn’t share in my book because it’s none of anyone’s business why I didn’t breast feed. We don’t need a reason)I had no idea that I’d eventually find many kindred spirits. Women who had the same shit experience that I had cradling my sobbing, hungry baby to my boob in the football hold while I, myself, sobbed endlessly in my postpartum depression haze. Yes, while I was popping Fenugreek like it’s my job, and pumping for 45 minutes to squeeze out a quarter ounce of liquid gold, little did I know that plenty of women quit without giving it a second thought. But many more torture themselves feeling that they would be letting down their baby, their husband and their country if they didn’t make it work. It’s such a shame to me that women have to be closeted formula feeders because they’re so terrified of what people might think. But certain women DO a strong negative opinion about women who are breast feeding challenged. And they’re not afraid to share it. Yes, it’s not our imagination. The proof is in that link.

Before the comments roll in about how tough it can be in some states to be a breast feeder, I know this. I am on your side. You should be able to breast feed anywhere you damn well please and that includes the men’s room at Starbucks if you so see fit. I really don’t give a shiznit where you want to park your breast but I don’t see why STRANGERS are so fired up by women who choose not to do it. I know that a lot of women feel that “breast is best.” They feel it strongly. They feel it to the depth of their souls. But this is no excuse for making another momma feel like crap because breast feeding was getting in the way of bonding with her baby. Or breast feeding was causing waaay more anxiety than it’s worth or or or WHATEVER. This also holds true for putting your baby on a schedule, boring them…I mean, reading them from the Collected Works of William Shakespeare in utero and the many other personal choices out there.

And now that I have done my share of ranting, I would also like to say, if any of the women who hate me on Mothering.com, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR? Do you really think I was serious when I said that I wanted the baby in the nursery for a year? Are you on crack? Maybe you need to be. Lighten up and it will ease the load for both of us. God, if I smoked I’d need a cigarette now.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on August 31, 2006 3:30 amUncategorized38 comments  

38 Comments

  1. akeeyu said,

    Boy, they’re a little tightly wrapped over there, aren’t they?

    I can see their strategy at work, though. They’re fighting off the criticism of hardcore breastfeeding advocates as judgemental, humorless prigs by being… judgemental, humorless prigs.

    Well played, I say! Well played!

    | August 31, 2006 @ 5:26 am

  2. creative-Type Dad (Tony) said,

    I agree, lots of people are on crack.

    | August 31, 2006 @ 5:41 am

  3. Wendy said,

    Disgusting and obviously their sense of humor was surgically removed – way to be there for all women – obviously it only applies to women just like them Sad thing is that when their kids grow up and leave them, they won’t have anything but their cracked nipple stories – pathetic

    | August 31, 2006 @ 1:11 pm

  4. Binkytown said,

    Breastfeeding sucked. Well, I guess I can’t really say that because even though I tried every day for many days, sobbing with a screaming hungry baby it just DIDNT WORK. It still shocks me that women can be so judgemental about this. There is so much more to being a mother than having a boob.

    | August 31, 2006 @ 2:00 pm

  5. motherlawyer said,

    Consider the source and move on . . .

    | August 31, 2006 @ 5:13 pm

  6. Mrs. Random said,

    Since I am not a mother I don’t really have a first hand opinion on the whole breastfeeding debate. What I do know is that it is a personal choice and these women need to get of their high horses and quite with the judgmental attitude. I applaud you for your candid nature, that is why I read your blog. Keep it up.

    | August 31, 2006 @ 6:19 pm

  7. Mama of 2 said,

    I personally never had any desire to breastfeed and honestly I don’t spend much of the little time I do have thinking about those who do vs. those who don’t. My take on it all is to each his own and as long as you aren’t trying to cram your opinion down my throat I am fine.
    As for adding a little humor and leavity to this thing we call motherhood….well sweetie I am all for that. So bring on the laughter!

    | August 31, 2006 @ 6:22 pm

  8. Anonymous said,

    Goodness me. How righteous. I especially took to the dear who carefully went through all your amazon reviews marking them according to her lights. Still sweetie, utterly humourless and rather mean-spirited though it might be, the whole brouhaha could be terribly useful in raising the profile of your book and hence sales. Do you want us to go over to the site and revile you too?

    | August 31, 2006 @ 7:09 pm

  9. kristine said,

    You didn’t really focus your book on breastfeeding or lackthereof so not sure why they must rip it for that. Odd people.

    | August 31, 2006 @ 7:14 pm

  10. Shannon said,

    OMFG, those women are the reason we have “mommy wars” in the first place. They are close-minded, uptight, and my-way-is-the-best way types. What about the one poster “Finch” her comments were:

    “Pssh. I had bloody, cracked, bruised nipples with blood blisters. The LC gasped in horror when I removed my bra. I had to use the SNS. I had to supplement. I managed to bf my kid for 2 years. She can bite me. *one finger salute*”

    Then in her siggy it says:

    “All wars suck. Mommy wars included.
    Have A Nice Trip.”

    A perfect example of complete ignorance to the fact that THEY are responsible for creating the issues they despise. It is disgusting that people would make personal attacks on you based on a book, that is CLEARLY supposed to be FUNNY! If only they were lucky enough to have you as a friend. . .

    | August 31, 2006 @ 8:55 pm

  11. angrymama said,

    I’m going to buy your book first thing in the morning!
    Will you autograph it for me, even if I breastfeed?

    | September 1, 2006 @ 5:25 am

  12. taira said,

    you know I breastfed both my kids for a year and I loved that breastfeeding part in your book. it was so damn frustrating and to top it off i lost a whole cup size. why cant people be opened minded? i remember when i went to the doctor and suggested that i might switch to formula because i wasn’t producing enough, the man damn near bit my head off. i almost thought he was gonna come home with me and watch my every move with my breasts.

    | September 1, 2006 @ 8:12 am

  13. Neil said,

    Jeez, I didn’t even know this was an issue out there. Wasn’t there a whole generation of people out there who weren’t breastfed, myself included? What the hell’s the big difference? I wasn’t breastfed and I turned out perfectly normal (as I sit by my computer playing with myself with my six fingered webbed hand).

    | September 1, 2006 @ 2:50 pm

  14. Kelly said,

    OH MY GAWDDDDDD! Those are some nasty people on that site. OK if they want to be their version of “SuperMom” fine, but when they are sooo strict in their beliefs that they can’t understand others have views unlike their own, and write such nasty drivel about someone who does so with humor? WOW they need some serious help, and a head-out-of-ass-ectomy. Personally? All their reviews made me want to read the book even more. I’m thinking you should send them all free copies with a picture of you givin the *one finger salute*.

    | September 1, 2006 @ 2:53 pm

  15. country mama said,

    I hope you sold many more books because of the negative remarks that website wrote. Any publicity is good publicity, right? H

    | September 1, 2006 @ 10:06 pm

  16. surcie said,

    What you wrote about breastfeeding was just ONE of the reasons I loved your book. As much as I wanted to breastfeed and as hard as I tried, I could not. The boy was going to starve. I was so hard on myself over it–probably because I felt judged by the frustrated lactation constultant. What I now know is, there is no shame in not being able to breastfeed, nor is there no shame in not WANTING to breastfeed! Whoever is ranting against your book needs to get a grip. Your whole point was about lightening the hell up–DUH!

    BTW, I always thought that the boy on Lidsville (Mark who went to the amusement park and fell into the magician’s top hat) was a hottie.

    | September 2, 2006 @ 12:45 am

  17. Jaime said,

    I have 2 things to say. The first is as mothers we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. When my daughter was born and I breast fed, I didn’t feel comfortable doing it in public because of the weird looks I got. When she was 6 months old and I switched to the bottle, people (especially old grandma types) gave me the same weird looks I got breast feeding. Sheesh people, I felt like just feeding my baby was a competition. Now, I am an advocate of breast feeding IF IT IS WHAT WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY. If it doesn’t work, then I say bottle feed, as long as you are feeding your baby who cares? Those women on that web site were just mean spirited and have nothing better to do with their time than judge other people. But you know that saying, you shouldn’t cast stones when you live in a glass house. People who pick at others are usually miserable in their own lives. Ok enough of that, the other thing I wanted to say is that when I first started reading your blog I was interested in your book but hadn’t gotten around to buying it yet (sorry!) anyway, those nasty women gave me the nudge I needed and I am ordering it tonight, so thanks to them! I love reading your blog and I’m glad I ran across it. Have a good one

    | September 2, 2006 @ 6:18 am

  18. Shannon said,

    Good God what a bunch of self-righteous bitches! I am all inflamed now that I read the link you supplied. So ernest, so beyond reproach what with their dedication to breastfeeding for decades. So much for the milk of human kindness…

    | September 2, 2006 @ 2:46 pm

  19. Stefanie said,

    It’s so nice to read all of your comments. Obviously the reason I posted about this is it did bother me a little. Not because anything those women said is worthwhile but it did take me back to that place when Elby was screaming and I was crying and feeding her from a dropper to solve the “nipple confusion” and I made the decision to stop. But the more women I talk to who tell me of their similar experience, the more I think women have to be honest, if for no other reason then to make the next woman feel less alone.

    It’s so nice to read comments from women who “get it” whether or not they breast feed. Or whether or not they even have children!

    | September 2, 2006 @ 4:29 pm

  20. Anonymous said,

    I can’t belive how uptight they are on the site…Michelle

    | September 2, 2006 @ 8:39 pm

  21. crabbykate said,

    well I guess I’m a little late to this party, but to ditto most of the comments above – I second you! Isn’t it great that there are all these perfect mommies out there who can sit and judge you? Sweet Jesus.

    and DUDE – did I see you in US Magazine recently doing some fashion crimes thingy?

    | September 2, 2006 @ 9:48 pm

  22. mothergoosemouse said,

    Cheers to you, Stefanie. You’ve got the balls to speak honestly, and that’s more than most can say. And yes, a sense of humor always comes in handy.

    Your book is still on my Barnes and Noble wishlist. As soon as I order another shipment of books, yours will be in it.

    | September 3, 2006 @ 12:29 am

  23. Nila said,

    Wow. Those are some angry women. Perhaps their chapped nipples are affecting them more than they’d like to admit. They make not breast feeding sound like an act of terrorism.

    I haven’t read your book, but I will. The stuff they critized from your book sounds like normal stuff any mom would think or say. They must be uber moms with uber nipples.

    | September 3, 2006 @ 5:28 am

  24. Anonymous said,

    Hahaha, tit terrorist!! That is perfect. I’m gonna use that line!
    Great blog!

    | September 3, 2006 @ 8:39 pm

  25. Julie said,

    I agree the “boob Nazis” sometimes are not a pleasant bunch.

    Love your blog!

    | September 3, 2006 @ 10:48 pm

  26. Heidi said,

    What is wrong with people???

    I breastfed exclusively for 19 months and this is what I was thinking:
    1. I wish formula wasn’t so damn expensive.
    2. I wish bottles made themselves.
    3. I hate my husband because he can’t lactate for me.

    Sure, there were warm fuzzy moments, but I would have had them with formula too. In fact, because other people could have helped with feeding, I might have gotten a wee bit more sleep, and been a happier Mommy and experienced more of them.

    So what did I get from those 19 months? A CHILD WHO WON’T DRINK MILK. Every stinking person told me NOT to introduce it because it wasn’t necessary. Now every time I go to the Peds I have to put a big fat ZERO in the “ounces of milk consumed per day” box and get a lecture from the nurses. Gee wiz, thanks every one! Oh, and I also spend $5/day on Yo Baby yogurt to keep my 3.5 year old up to speed.

    What a bunch of bullies…

    | September 4, 2006 @ 5:11 am

  27. Her Bad Mother said,

    Amen.

    The tit-nazis hurt their own cause by being such fucking nazis about it. There are a zillion reasons why some women don’t breastfeed, or don’t do it for very long, not least of which is that it can hurt like a mo-fo and be mind-suckingly draining. Mothers need to feel free to make the best choices for themselves and their children – choices that don’t always look the same for everybody. Bullying each other sets us all back.

    | September 4, 2006 @ 5:56 pm

  28. Haley-O said,

    It’s unbelievable how opinionated society is in general when it comes to mothers….

    I have no time to read. Your book is sitting on the top of my books-I’m-reading-next pile. As soon as I finish The Da Vinci Code. It’s taking me forever for some reason. No time, no time….tired…..

    Sorry those mothers were so nasty about your book. they obviously have nothing better to do, though…and are pathetic. Seriously.

    | September 5, 2006 @ 2:49 am

  29. Klynn said,

    Yeesh. I just don’t understand how people can be so narrow minded…regardless of the subject. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my firstborn past 3 months, for various reasons, including I didn’t know what the he!! I was doing. I was determined to breastfeed the second (and last) and ended up mostly pumping the whole time.

    We did what worked for us and my kids never went hungry. That’s the bottom line. It’s a shame that those psychos can’t accept that their way isn’t always the best or the right way. And it’s a shame that they feel they have to slam you.

    Keep on telling the truth. Those with an open mind will appreciate it.

    | September 5, 2006 @ 2:54 pm

  30. Andrea said,

    I was browsing my regular blogging reads this weekend and stumbled onto Girl’s Gone Child’s weekend recommendations, which included your book in the first option. I clicked my happy self over to Amazon to see what it was about and read a few reviews to see if it was a book I’d be interested in. What I found appalled me. So much so that I had to write a post about it on my own blog. Click here if you’d like to read what I wrote.

    I had a breast reduction myself which incapacitated my breastfeeding ability. I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from. I just don’t understand how some women can call themsleves supportive mothers in the same sentence they are spewing their judgmental bullshit.

    | September 5, 2006 @ 3:52 pm

  31. kim said,

    For people like me that failed miserably and quite frankly hated breast feeding-your book made me feel like I was not alone.

    | September 7, 2006 @ 12:41 pm

  32. RLGelber said,

    Add me to the breast-feeding challenged. After failing miserably with the first, I swore I would make it work with the second. It did finally, but it took six long weeks of blood sweat and tears. Eight months later she’s weaned. I’m glad I was able to do it because the guilt I felt for not being able to do it with the first was overwhelming. THOSE Mommys made me feel that way. It’s unforgiveable. Tit terrorists indeed!

    | September 7, 2006 @ 7:37 pm

  33. sarah said,

    amen, sister!!! i breastfeed and co-sleep & Mothering.com makes even me feel like iam somehow deficient as a parent b/c i carry my child in a car seat and i had him, *gasp* circumsied….

    | September 7, 2006 @ 8:15 pm

  34. Anonymous said,

    you guys should check out Katie allison granju (one of the original tit nazis) blog. she is so damn frickin STUPID. amidst the breastfeeding hoopla she brags about how she cant cook, how she wants her kids to eat ice cream for dinner so she doesnt have to cook, how she is such a (hee hee) bad driver that she hit her neighbors fence, how much the homeless people in her yard annoy her. she also posts reams about her kids personal lives (more proof that people into attachment parenting are boundary challenged???)slander about her exhusband etc etc etc. check it out. it will only confirm any negativity you have towards AP.

    | September 8, 2006 @ 5:02 pm

  35. MiM said,

    You didn’t get the memo?

    “No GOOD mommy is to EVER say anything sarcastic about their child or motherhood in general. EVER. Only BAD mommies who don’t love their children do that.”

    Yeah, I didn’t get it either until after I’d been banned from the playgroups.

    | September 9, 2006 @ 3:04 am

  36. Jozet said,

    I was in the middle of constructing my latest post when I was directed to your blog from Motherhood Uncensored. I see we’ve been on similar pages.

    I gave you a shot out because, sister, you deserve it.

    And no, breastfeeding is NOT funny.

    There are no tickle sensors in my nipples.

    😉

    | September 12, 2006 @ 2:00 pm

  37. Carrcakes said,

    I’d like to take this moment to tell you how badly I want to see Katie Couric use the term “tit terrorists” when delivering the nightly news.

    | September 14, 2006 @ 1:37 am

  38. Anonymous said,

    I pity the kids. They are the ones growing up with parents who have no common sense and no sense of humor.
    I also think they are protesting so loud because they themselves don’t have as much confidence in themselves as they like to appear to.

    | November 20, 2007 @ 8:35 pm

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