Nothing like having a bad cold and taking care of the baby 19/7 (yeah, my husband does help) to welcome you back to the real world from the adult Disneyland that is LAS VEGAS. Yes, I got back from Vegas only to be greeted warmly by Old Man Flu and a distant non-welcome from my baby girl. It took her a few hours to forgive my absence but she recovered.
I always forget a few things about Vegas which I don’t remember until I get there. Like that people still smoke. A lot. And that nobody dresses up anymore. I think of Vegas as a great place to remember what make-up is for but apparently most people would disagree – except of course the much older women for whom make-up doesn’t make much of a difference. But I got to blow-dry my hair, put on the whore paint and actually have a meal without little fingers grabbing at my sushi and lemon drop martini, so I wasn’t about to complain about being the only one in the lobby who took a shower that day.
The tournament was a blast even though I didn’t come in on the money. There were over 1200 entrants to the Ladies Event and I came in around 200th. But hey, I beat out Jennifer Tilly who won it last year and a slew of other lame celebrities like Anne Heche who, may I say, is probably still gay – or at least she’s very touchy feely like those girls in drama club who always want to braid each other’s hair. I didn’t talk to her but I did see her in action. It was tough to miss. By the way, I’m not sure if there’s an e at the end of her first name but I’m too lazy to go look it up.
There were quite a few very good poker players at the tables and there were some not-so-good players who either have rich husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends/monkies or else they are just very bored with a lot of disposable income and not much time to practice. It was sort of embarrassing for them because they were making all kinds of bad calls while wearing sunglasses. As if the sunglasses would throw you off and you’d think maybe you were playing against a the likes of Annie Duke or Cindy Violette. It’s hard to mistake a busty blonde with bad highlights and a grill full of Restolin for pro poker players, but some of these women certainly gave it the old porn star try.
After I was knocked out of the game, I enjoyed a lot of alcohol and even more food and, of course, was in bed by 11 because I’M A MOM. What happened to going to bed at 5 a.m.? It’s impossible. But at least I was reminded that I used to be able to let loose and have a good time. It’s a nice thing to do once in awhile.
And now I must go catch up with all of your lives!