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Archive for July, 2006

MISSED ME?

Nothing like having a bad cold and taking care of the baby 19/7 (yeah, my husband does help) to welcome you back to the real world from the adult Disneyland that is LAS VEGAS. Yes, I got back from Vegas only to be greeted warmly by Old Man Flu and a distant non-welcome from my baby girl. It took her a few hours to forgive my absence but she recovered.

I always forget a few things about Vegas which I don’t remember until I get there. Like that people still smoke. A lot. And that nobody dresses up anymore. I think of Vegas as a great place to remember what make-up is for but apparently most people would disagree – except of course the much older women for whom make-up doesn’t make much of a difference. But I got to blow-dry my hair, put on the whore paint and actually have a meal without little fingers grabbing at my sushi and lemon drop martini, so I wasn’t about to complain about being the only one in the lobby who took a shower that day.

The tournament was a blast even though I didn’t come in on the money. There were over 1200 entrants to the Ladies Event and I came in around 200th. But hey, I beat out Jennifer Tilly who won it last year and a slew of other lame celebrities like Anne Heche who, may I say, is probably still gay – or at least she’s very touchy feely like those girls in drama club who always want to braid each other’s hair. I didn’t talk to her but I did see her in action. It was tough to miss. By the way, I’m not sure if there’s an e at the end of her first name but I’m too lazy to go look it up.

There were quite a few very good poker players at the tables and there were some not-so-good players who either have rich husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends/monkies or else they are just very bored with a lot of disposable income and not much time to practice. It was sort of embarrassing for them because they were making all kinds of bad calls while wearing sunglasses. As if the sunglasses would throw you off and you’d think maybe you were playing against a the likes of Annie Duke or Cindy Violette. It’s hard to mistake a busty blonde with bad highlights and a grill full of Restolin for pro poker players, but some of these women certainly gave it the old porn star try.

After I was knocked out of the game, I enjoyed a lot of alcohol and even more food and, of course, was in bed by 11 because I’M A MOM. What happened to going to bed at 5 a.m.? It’s impossible. But at least I was reminded that I used to be able to let loose and have a good time. It’s a nice thing to do once in awhile.

And now I must go catch up with all of your lives!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 18, 2006 7:29 pmUncategorized21 comments  

Go Steffi, it’s almost yo birthday!

So, it’s July 4th otherwise known as the day before I turn 40. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I know it’s just a number, right? In fact, my therapist told me that “life begins at 40.” My first thought was I think she should have that embroidered on a pillow and then shove that pillow up her ass. I wonder if she used to have a business making buttons or silk screening t-shirts like “Official Bikini Inspector” or “Mustache rides 5 cents.” The woman obviously has talent. But hold on, I believe she actually stole this quote. Seriously, is that therapy?

There is no way this guy is forty either. Or not on heroin. Totally false advertising.

For me I think life begins when you’re born again through the love of Jesus Christ. Oh wait, I’m Jewish. Never mind. Maybe life begins when you finally lose that last 10 pounds!! Or when you have an A HA moment in the audience at the Oprah show. Whenever my life truly begins, I definitely want some sort of notification. I mean, I was pretty sure I was living my life but maybe not until tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow is going to be truly altering. Will I wake up and feel like, oh my God! It’s begun! I am finally completely alive – and then immediately go for a hike or rock climbing and commune with nature in all it’s glory? I have to say no. I’m never going rock climbing unless the rock is in my backyard. No loading up the car for this gal.

If i’m being honestI think everything is good right now. Yes, I have a few more lines around my eyes and this weird brown age/sun spot thing on my cheek that’s probably not cancerous but it’s nothing that a major face lift or harsh chemical peel couldn’t fix right up. And I have a the sweetest, funniest husband and a baby who is pretty darn adorable (if she gets Dora exactly when she wants – which is more and more often).

So I’m very content which I’m pretty sure is the new happy. And although I’ll still pay my therapist, I believe life is already here.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 4, 2006 8:20 pmUncategorized42 comments  

POKE HER

Why does my internet radio station that’s supposed to be playing folk and other eclectic singer/songwriters have to be playing some sort of jazz fusion right now? Nothing against jazz fusion….kidding I fucking hate it! Okay, good, we’re back to some vintage Bonnie Raitt (not her new soft rock crap) and I can once again form a sentence.

Here’s the thing – in 3 minutes I’ll be playing in an online poker tournament just to prepare myself for my 40th b-day present from my dear, hot husband. What did he get me you ask? I’ll keep you in suspense no longer – he bought me into the women’s event at the 2006 WSOP tour. That’s huge. It costs a grand just to get in. Which is a heck of a lot of money. I could buy like a small country for that. I’m talking a very very small one. The best new is ther’ll be celebrities for me to make fun of and everything! I’m a good poker player. Don’t get me wrong. I won’t dowplay my prowess BUT…I’ve never been confronted with a bunch of women who know what the heck they’re doing and aren’t just there for attention from men. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…I like attention as much as the next poker whore.

(Quick note: I just turned my husband onto butter spray. He tried to avoid it for as long as possible as a chick food just like he thinks the Counting Crowes can only be enjoyed by women – but he LIKES IT on his pasta! Score one for me.)

So I leave for my tourny on Sat. and until then it’s boring old just trying to find stuff to do with the baby. Oh I read something from my neighborhood email list (I’ve got to get off this thing because it’s poisonous to anyone who reads it. One of the entries wanted to know if she should take her 17 month old to Disneyland on July 4th even though there would be more people there than in all of China and it would be reaching weather temperature highs of 110. But other than that and the 2 hour lines for rides it sounds like a great time for your baby.

Does this really deserve an answer? You know the answer. Listen to your inner SANE PERSON!!! I really think I might hate all of my neighbors. That might be harsh but, hey, they’re not reading this or buying my book so big W.

Let’s get back to the poker tourny for a second. I can’t wait! I love poker with my whole heart. So please pray for me next Sunday and Monday that I at least win enough to buy a sweet poor child a new liver AND paint my living room some rad colors.

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on July 3, 2006 3:57 amUncategorized8 comments  


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