When I say “My Gym” I’m not referring to the gym to which I belong. No, I’m referring of course to the “gym” that my baby belongs to. And may I add that her membership dues are about 100 times what I pay and I have to supervise her the entire time. Yes, I happily fork out 165 dollars ever 10 weeks so my baby can have a soft baby proof playroom with shit to climb on and bounce on for 45 min. once a week. Am I crazy? Probably. But my baby lives for this the way I live for Grey’s Anatomy (which is an hour thank god).
The biggest problem for me is that they have this thing at the beginning called Circle Time.This is where all the babies sit in a circle and are asked their names (no one ever asks for the mom’s name because apparently we are just the pod that spawned and our work here is done. We’ve ceased to have any identity worthy of a teenage employee in shorts and polo shirt with way too much energy knowing our name. No thanks. The baby’s name will suffice. Sometimes when I have the will to live, I will say “This is Elby and I’m Stefanie” but other times I’m just too beaten down by motherhood and must pick my battles. So, during Circle Time, we sing the Hi Hi How Ya Do song and then there’s little baby exercises I guess so our babies don’t get cellulite (mine already has it and it’s ADORABLE)it almost makes me wish I had cellulite…wait a minute…I DO! YAY! Besides exercise and a song we also do a little dance and learn a new skill. The problem with this besides the dork factor is that Elby hates circle time with a vengence. And she’s the only kid who hates it. She’ll kick and scream if you try to make her conform so I just let her run around and get a jump on the playtime. But you should see how some of the employees act. They run after her like she’s a chimp that’s escaped from the habitat and is about to start scratching, biting and taking an ear off. Luckily they stop short of shooting her with a tranquilizer gun. Although, there are times I wish I had one…but I digress.
I watch E like a hawk during circle time while she does her own thang. But it still seems to annoy everyone. I just don’t care anymore. I pay big buck to go there and I’m going dammit and E’s not sitting through circle time if she doesn’t feel like it.
So, earlier this week I’m at MG and there’s a woman sitting next to me who looks super familiar. You know how it is when you’re a new mom. You meet people in the park, grocery store, ER etc. I could’ve known her from anywhere so I said “what’s your name, you look familiar” and she replied “Gail” with the most distain in her voice she could muster. I was a bit taken a back because even my unfriendly attitude was no match for this bitch. Then I realized. I live in L.A. She’s probably an actress. So I wracked my brain for actresses named Gail and quickly enough I realized it was none other than Gail O’ Grady. YES, some might know her from NYPD Blue but I know her from “Another Woman’s Husband” one of my all time favorite Lifetime movies that I’ve seen so many times even my husband reconizes it.Well, Ms. O’Grady – I’m DONE WITH YOUR LIFETIME MOVIE. Let that be a lesson to you and every bitchy actress mom. You’re still a mom. Just like me but with more money. And your ass is still big so there.