ABOUT CONSULTING WATCH! ARCHIVES CONTACT SUBSCRIBE

Caution: Mommy Post

I was looking through some old photos today because I just have so much downtime now that I have a baby. Just time to hang out and do nothing right? Well, except plan every second of Elby’s day, do eighteen loads of laundry, clean the bathrooms (seriously they’re gross)the list is endless. I don’t have to tell any of you that.

And I know I’m not reinventing the wheel as a mother but GODDAMN why don’t people warn us how hard it’s going to be. Just look at my face up there looking at her “Your Baby’s Coming- Try Formula” pamphlet I received after my hospital tour. That is a face of big hopes, my expression says “hey, fun times a’ comin’! I’m going to be a mom! How amazing!” I had no idea of the mack truck of responsibility. The loss of identity, freedom, ability to do whatever the hell you want all day long. That I, of all people, would attend a Pampered Chef neighborhood party just to get out of the house.

And yes, the rewards are huge in their own way, but, if you’re like me, and I realize many people are not, the rewards for me are not of the day to day hanging out with a toddler. They rewards are having the opportunity to reevaluate what’s important, appreciate the small things, like that Elby can say “Hoo Hoo” when asked what an owl says. This is a reward but the real one for me will come later. That will be when I can she that my daughter knows how much I love her. How tangible it is. How safe she is with me. Because I didn’t have that and I can’t wait to be that for someone. A rock. I know I won’t be perfect.

But now is the really hard part. And if you ARE like me, do you ever just feel sooooo bored? I just want to put on make-up and a pair of fuck-off boots and even just go to lunch. Because it’s so hard to be the sweats and ponytail mom and feel invisible to everyone except other moms who get it.

I still remember flirting, trips to Vegas, hot sex, being barely ambulatory at the end of a great night out.

I still drink and have sex but now it’s during commercial breaks of Deal or No Deal.

Is that the DEAL?

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on May 20, 2006 8:17 pmUncategorized23 comments  

23 Comments

  1. jackt said,

    Sex to Deal or No Deal. I don’t know how you do it. Howie Mandell’s crazy google eyes and the little chicken neck craning thing when he says “Deal!” [chicken neck google eyes] “Or NO Deal!” freak me out.

    | May 20, 2006 @ 9:47 pm

  2. willowfae said,

    I totally get it. My son is at his Grandma’s for the weekend right now and I am depressed because I don’t know what to do with my time. I miss free time, and I feel guilty to admit that.

    | May 21, 2006 @ 12:05 am

  3. Denial said,

    What is sex? My husband is lucky if I roll over him to go to the bathroom.

    I am like you. I never thought that having a baby would be this difficult. Really! And yet I can’t describe the feeling I get in the morning when I go into his room and he smiles and laughs and is just so happy to see me. I wish everyone reacted to my morning breath that way!

    | May 21, 2006 @ 5:49 am

  4. Krisco said,

    “I had no idea of the mack truck of responsibility. The loss of identity, freedom, ability to do whatever the hell you want all day long. That I, of all people, would attend a Pampered Chef neighborhood party just to get out of the house.”

    Yes, I completely relate to this.

    And yes, I AM SO BORED. It is hard, and that is one of the hardest parts about it. And yes, of course we love our kids yaddayadda. That’s not it. But the lack of brain usage is definitely one of the hardest parts about it all.

    They say this phase passes. We’ll see.

    In the meantime (gasp) I’m going back to work part-time. Maybe that will help.

    Otherwise – welcome to the club. Yes, you have nailed all the hard parts about this (otherwise glorious) dealio.

    | May 21, 2006 @ 7:50 am

  5. Bri said,

    I can relate 100%, no one understands you when you say you’re actually bored at home. They must think my daughter and I are having these wonderful stimulating conversations with each other or something. Motherhood is definetly a tough job!!!!

    | May 21, 2006 @ 2:15 pm

  6. Wendy said,

    I totally struggle with this – i often feel like my 2 remaining brain cells are fighting for the molecule of oxygen left up there – and i have a boy!!! so the stuff he wants to do, oy..how many times can you build a tower of blocks and knock it down? I love my son but this is a real struggle – that is why blogging seriously saved my life..

    that last word..i’m having trouble placing it..sex? er..what?

    | May 21, 2006 @ 5:19 pm

  7. MrsFortune said,

    Did that creepy banker dude call you? Just kidding. I just started this whole mom thing but I really relate to your wanting to be that “rock” for your daughter. Ditto. (I mean, not for YOUR daughter, you know what I mean, right?)

    | May 21, 2006 @ 8:49 pm

  8. Ruth Dynamite said,

    Being home with small children is a recipe for insanity. No one really knows this until it’s too late, when you’ve spent months home alone with child/children baking brownies, watching TLC marathons, and fantasizing about the UPS guy – all while cuddling your adorable baby/babies. But when you get excited about the Pampered Chef/Discovery Toy/Crap Jewelry/Arbonne skin products/Bunco parties, you know you’re dangerously close to rock bottom. Step away from the overpriced brochures, and remember the things you love to do. Then do them. And don’t feel guilty – your baby will be fine, and you will feel better than ever.

    | May 21, 2006 @ 11:45 pm

  9. Stuntmother said,

    I hear you. We are reinventing the wheel, being mothers in this bravenewworld. Fragmented families, glorified youth, post-feminist feminist backlash.

    To be a mother, be bored, be sexy, be real, be exhausted, be yourself — just walking on is hard enough. And that no-one gets it except the other mothers? Well, screw ’em. Let’s just do what we do the best we can do it and if we have to squeeze in a little wham bam thank you mister in the adverts then fine.

    Being a rock is hard. Being a rock is dull, steady, slow. It’s also the most profoundly important thing that anyone ever does.

    | May 22, 2006 @ 12:12 am

  10. Denise said,

    Some days I am so mind-numbingly bored I could, and frequently do, weep. Yes, the joys are innummerable, but PLEASE, every now and again I would trade a delightful moment for some pizazz. And the neighborhood-chick-party-big-night-out? I’ve done that too, and would rather have my eyeballs removed. OH, the boredom……..

    | May 22, 2006 @ 1:45 am

  11. Neil said,

    I have an idea. Why don’t we have an affair?

    | May 22, 2006 @ 3:18 am

  12. Lena said,

    Yep – this is the new deal. And you’ll keep wondering when your old life will come back – the one with the drunken sex and wild nights – and one day you realize it’s over. This is the new life.

    Well, there’s always Blogher. :p Although I can’t guarantee the drunken sex. I CAN guarantee the drunken part.

    | May 22, 2006 @ 6:29 am

  13. Anonymous said,

    I’m right there with you. I was just thinking that it had been too long since my last trip to vegas but I know I’d never be able to relax and enjoy it because I’d be too worried about the tot being in Texas without us. I wish there was a way to just put kids in stasis for a few days a year.

    ~Jenny

    http://blogs.chron.com/mamadrama/

    | May 22, 2006 @ 10:17 am

  14. AngiR said,

    Are reading my mind?

    | May 22, 2006 @ 3:11 pm

  15. Carrcakes said,

    It sounds like you need a girl’s night. Not a pampered chef let’s ooh and ahh over cooking ware girl’s night, but a let’s get sloppy drunk and dress so hot we steal the attention away from childless women girl’s night. And when you do, please post a recap so I can vicariously live through your experience.

    | May 22, 2006 @ 8:35 pm

  16. stephanie said,

    I can still relate even though mine are now 6 and 8. All I can say is it gets better… and worse. (Sorta like, I’m happy and sad for you :)

    Bottom line is your little one makes all the sacrifices worth the while.

    tenfold.

    take that to vegas and put a ten spot on it for me, k?

    ps – thanks for stopping by my blog. love yours. mind if i add it to the list?

    | May 23, 2006 @ 1:04 am

  17. Anonymous said,

    So you know that website post secrets? The one where everyone admits their deepest secret in a clever, artistic way. Mine would have said, “Sometimes I go to Church just to put my children in the nursey for two hours.” When the baby finally went to kindergarten, I went out to lunch with friends almost everyday for a month to make up for lost time! Haven’t been back to church either.

    | May 24, 2006 @ 12:01 am

  18. ^starshine said,

    I’m not so much bored as I am slowly going crazy. Very. Slowly. Going. Crazy.

    Potty breaks (I’m now kicking the girls out and locking the door) are more like that first kiss you had at your 8th grade birthday party.

    Even though it lasts for just a few seconds and you can hear everyone outside the door. You relish every moment and can’t wait for the next one.

    | May 24, 2006 @ 2:59 am

  19. kj said,

    My friend! I want to throw on taxi shoes and go out and drink and smoke so bad I can taste it…and it’s not just that I can’t now, it’s that by the time I can really do that again, I’m going to be SO OLD.

    I just didn’t give any thought to the sheer permanence of this change. I don’t know what I would have done differently, but DAMN.

    | May 24, 2006 @ 3:17 am

  20. scarbie doll said,

    Oh man, no matter how I try to fight it, the Mommy Vortex keeps sucking me in. I am becoming “that woman” and I hate it, but most days I am too tired to combat it. Eventually I may just let the undertow take me out to sweatpants land. Ugh.

    | May 24, 2006 @ 5:11 pm

  21. Izzy said,

    do you ever just feel sooooo bored? I just want to put on make-up and a pair of fuck-off boots and even just go to lunch

    Uh…yeah. Just about every day, right in between diaper changes and fetching endless sippy cups of juice.

    All I can say is it’s a good damn thing my kids are cute.

    | May 24, 2006 @ 8:58 pm

  22. sarah said,

    My baby is three weeks old—I get it!! “mack truck of responsibility”; that is so dead on I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…I need a freaking nap and a stiff drink. And don’t even mention sex–I have 3 more weeks before I can even consider that as an option again…

    | May 28, 2006 @ 11:31 pm

  23. Anonymous said,

    You are not alone. I feel fortunate to be home full time with my baby but it is VERY lonely and alienating most of the time.

    It’s like I bought a one-way ticket to isolation island.

    Hanging around other ‘Stay-At-Home Moms’ is useless too. They all seem so blissed out. Did I move to idiotville? What the FuCK?

    | May 29, 2006 @ 5:43 am

RSS feed for comments on this post

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

peel n stick customized labels

use the code babyonbored and save 10%


Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic: And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up With Facts
Buy the Book:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

iBooks

I'm Kind of a Big Deal
Read an Excerpt!
Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

It's Not Me It's You
Read an Excerpt!
Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

Naptime is the New Happy Hour
Read an Excerpt!

Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
Read an Excerpt!

Buy the Book:
Amazon | B & N