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DOO DOO DOO DO DORA!

God, I think I want to marry Dora the Explorer. I know I’m way behind the curve on these things but I’ve been trying to force Baby Einstein down my baby’s throat long since she’s lost interest. I’m like “But El, what about Baby Neptune? You used to love baby Neptune!” And she just looks at me with those saucer eyes that say “Mom, you are so two months ago. Baby Neptune is for babies not Toddlers. Did you get my text message? I’m a Toddler now! Jesus, mom, I really thought you were smarter than that.” Turns out I’m not. I just would pop in “Baby Noah” and hope for the best.

Then my husband came home with the holy grail — Dora the Explorer. It’s educational and it features a monkey which I love. Monkies are always funny. Except when they’re biting people to death at wild animal reserves and ripping their lips and tongues and genitals off…but that old news story was pre-Zoloft and I try not to think about it as much anymore.

Now, the only problem I have with Dora’s friend the monkey whose name is Boots is that Boots’ best friend is a pair of boots. That just doesn’t seem right to me. Your best friend is an inanimate object? I mean yes, my best friend is Pinot Grigio but I think that’s very different. GOD I LOVE DORA. Did I mention she also has cool hair? But I tried to get mine cut like that once a few years ago and due to the somewhat hidden thickness of my hair, it didn’t hang like a smooth bob. It sat on my head like a top hat only less dignified. I actually had to let Fantastic Sam’s fix it. When Fantastic Sam’s is fixing your hair you know there were a lot of tears involved.

Luckily I was married or I don’t think I would have had sex for a good six months.

Anyway, props to Dora! Go on with your bad Spanish/English speaking self!

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on April 16, 2006 12:28 amUncategorized9 comments  

9 Comments

  1. surcie said,

    My boy loves Dora, too. Lately, he wants us to pretend to be his favorite characters. I’m always Dora, he’s Boots. Tonight, my folks came over for dinner and Mom asked me, “He keeps saying, ‘Oh, man!’ Where’d he get that from?” From Swiper, that’s who! What’s the deal with that thieving masked fox, anyway? I’m thinking meth addict.

    | April 16, 2006 @ 1:39 am

  2. willowfae said,

    I cannot stand DORA! Actually, I don’t mind her too much, except her voice makes me nuts. It’s so freaking smooth and perky and consistent. It really annoys me. I think I would smack her if she were real and in person. But yes, other than that she is very educational. :)

    | April 16, 2006 @ 7:02 pm

  3. Lena said,

    Just wait Stefanie. You’ll want to shove boots (literal and figurative) down Dora’s throat in about six weeks. 😉

    I’m halfway through your book and I got it yesterday! I will be off to Amazon to review it by nightfall I imagine.

    Ciao! Or, um, adios!

    | April 17, 2006 @ 4:10 am

  4. sweatpantsmom said,

    My girls were only into Dora for around five minutes (enough time for me to buy tons of Dora merchandise) but they actually picked up some Spanish words, so I agree with the educational value.

    Backpack, backpack…

    | April 17, 2006 @ 6:12 pm

  5. Anonymous said,

    Does Simon and Schuster know about this blog? Swiper as ‘meth addict’, LOL surcie

    | April 17, 2006 @ 7:51 pm

  6. crabbykate said,

    oooohh Stefanie, give it a month or so. You will hate Dora, I will bet on it. Alice has been into her for almost two years now. Two years of my life I would like back, please. Two years of “swiper no SWIPING” Two years of that fucking insepid Boots. And two years of that annoying voice “where do we go for help when we don’t know where to go?” Sorry to lay my vent on your blog, friend. But. please. stop. the madness. now.

    | April 18, 2006 @ 3:36 am

  7. Alexa said,

    Alas, I tried the Dora haircut many years back as well, with the same results as you. I looked like a little Dutch boy who had been struck by lightning. Not what I was going for.
    I just finished your book last night–in one sitting, because it was that funny. And wise, too. I will get around to an Amazon review asap!

    | April 18, 2006 @ 1:42 pm

  8. Denial said,

    So my son is almost 6 months and refuses to watch Baby Einstein (which of course I went out and bought the Costco bulk DVD set of before I knew this). He will however stare at MTV for a good 20 minutes. Is this is a sign?

    (sorry deleted comment was me)

    | April 19, 2006 @ 1:13 pm

  9. krista said,

    My son was watching a show that I could’ve sworn was Dora the other day and he got all bent out of shape and told me “it isn;t Dora mom- its called “Go Diego Go!”

    I guess it’s a “boys” version of Dora? Who knew.

    | April 19, 2006 @ 2:38 pm

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