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Surprised! By Porn!

Okay, so a long time ago. and I do mean a long time ago maybe 15 years ago, my girlfriend Becky and I were fellow comics working in Las Vegas. We were screwing around during the day between shows and bouts of drinking and we came upon some playing cards in a gift shop. These weren’t your run of the mill playing cards – cards that poker afficionados would pick up to take home as a souvenier. MM…ummm..these were all porny. Like major porny. Like men with hard-ons as big as Aqua Net bottles with mustaches that would put Matlock to shame. We thought these cards were HILARIOUS. In fact we laughed for about five minutes straight. The kind of laughing that happens when you’re stoned, tired or just struck in the moment by the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you. We needed to own these playing cards immediately. So see bought a deck each. I’m telling you these cards are gross. I’m going to link to one so the braver of you can click on and see my point. But here’s the funny part to me.

After knowing my husband to be for awhile, I found the playing cards which I had missplaced for a couple of years. I was ectatic. The fun I would have put a smile on my face that didn’t wear off for a week. The first thing I did was tape one of the disgusting masturbating men on my husband’s unsuspecting computer while it was innocently sitting on his desk. Then I closed it up and waited for him to take it to work the next day to open it up and find a SURPRISE! I guess he was shocked a little but he of the dry sense of humor never let on. He just prepped his own suprise by leaving on in my makeup bag that I found when I went home. This started a back and forth with different disgustingly posed porny men showing their stuff at (hopefully) inappropriate times to me and my now husband.

So this died down for a couple of years but the other day I was at the gym and I realized my husband had planted one of the cards in my gym bag. I laughed my ass off but then started having the most perverted thoughts. Like, what if I just planted it in the locker so some unsuspecting person maybe 18 maybe 80 would come across it and be horrified/intrigued/scared…I don’t know but I couldn’t contain my giggles because I think I may be 14 years old. It’s like one of those movies like Freaky Friday where the mom trades places with the daughter and thinks that something so juvenile is really fucking funny. Anyway…

So I left it in the locker and I’m still laughing. What is wrong with me?

Okay, don’t look if you don’t want to see..

Posted by Stefanie Wilder Taylor on March 11, 2006 4:43 amUncategorized18 comments  

18 Comments

  1. akeeyu said,

    That, my friend, is no can of Aqua Net.

    Nice hair, though.

    | March 11, 2006 @ 7:41 am

  2. Teacher lady said,

    I need these cards. And the beauty of my job is that they would be a tax write-off.

    | March 11, 2006 @ 5:06 pm

  3. Mama Kelly said,

    ROFL ROFL ROFL

    must breathe

    | March 11, 2006 @ 8:41 pm

  4. MrsFortune said,

    Woah. That whole “guy and his tennis racket” thing is really an untapped porn goldmine, I think.

    | March 11, 2006 @ 11:40 pm

  5. sweatpantsmom said,

    Is it just me or does that look like a young Billy Joel?

    Piano Man, indeed.

    | March 11, 2006 @ 11:59 pm

  6. willowfae said,

    ROFL!!!!!!

    You have just made some little old lady’s week.

    ROFL!!!

    | March 12, 2006 @ 1:25 am

  7. Heather said,

    Now you have me giggling like a ten year old. I have to get some cards like that to surprise my hubby! Thanks for the laugh.

    Hehehehe. I’m just thinking about the person who opened the locker. Leaving the card in there is totally something I would do!

    | March 12, 2006 @ 1:45 am

  8. Denial said,

    ROFL!! I love how you and your husband plant these. Funny!

    | March 12, 2006 @ 6:03 am

  9. Jess Riley said,

    Oh my god. That is hilarious. I love these kinds of pranks. You and your husband are my kind of people. Also, you just gave me some great ideas! Thanks Stef! :)

    PS: did you hear about the PW review yet?!?!?!

    | March 12, 2006 @ 5:00 pm

  10. Misfit Hausfrau said,

    Now, is your gym like mine where you have to sign in for a key to a locker? Would they know it was maybe from YOU!?!?!?

    I can’t help but wonder what Mr.10 of Clubs is doing now.

    | March 14, 2006 @ 1:54 am

  11. IzzyMom said,

    Porny? A new word!!! I love it 😉

    | March 14, 2006 @ 4:04 am

  12. MB said,

    I think I peed. That is some funny shit.

    | March 15, 2006 @ 12:22 am

  13. tierneym said,

    We had these too! My girlfriends and I used them frequently – as notecards for our male roommate, stuffing them in each other’s wallets so they would come skittering out across the counter at Toys R Us, putting them in coat pockets of people we didn’t know in bars. We went through several sets and had nicknames for them. Ah. Memories.

    | March 15, 2006 @ 5:37 pm

  14. Emily said,

    I wonder if any of them are friend’s of my ex, LOL.

    | March 16, 2006 @ 2:25 am

  15. Lena said,

    Stop it! Ahhhh! I don’t know what’s scarier – the little tiny dick coming out the side of his leg or that expression on his face??

    My husband and I have something semi-similar. Except we surprise each other with a Micheal Bolton t-shirt I made him buy me years ago in a drunken stupor at a concert. Nothing like pulling back the covers and seeing Micheal!

    | March 16, 2006 @ 5:46 am

  16. chris said,

    I find that man’s underwear more disturbing than his decidedly average-sized penis. And the hair?

    But thank you for letting me know that there’s another woman out there who is just as sick as I am.

    | March 17, 2006 @ 3:00 pm

  17. chris said,

    I looked again. I couldn’t help it. And now I’ve decided he looks like JFK Jr.

    | March 17, 2006 @ 3:02 pm

  18. Alexa said,

    Oh, I am laughing so hard–and you know the caption is all “Doubles, Anyone?”
    Hot.
    Watch me get fired now for looking at this at work…

    | March 17, 2006 @ 8:56 pm

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