I’m tired. That kind of tired like you’ve just done two shots of Nyquil tired. Oh wait, I did take some Nyquil. Do you ever have a cold and you take Nyquil but then you kind of keep taking it for way longer than you probably need to? But each time you think to yourself, well, sure my cold is almost inperceptible now but it would be beneficial to just make sure I get the best night sleep possible. And then before you know it, you’ve gone through like six bottles of Nyquil. On the bright side, at least you now have a complete set of those little cups. They can be reused for shooters.
Nyquil is some good shit. At this point, besides pinot grigio, Nyquil’s about as hard as it gets. Oh and the heroin but everyone does that. ONLY SNORTING not shooting up, my God.
So, I’m getting over this cold, and a friend wanted to go out and celebrate the fact that I just got booked on a little tv appearance which I’ll tell my four readers about when it gets closer if it happens for sure! That’s cool right? Anyway, it’s a girlfriend of mine who’s pretty straight laced but then she invites another friend who likes to do a little coke (something I haven’t done in 20 years)and another “friend” of the coke friend who probably is the one who deals the coke. Now, I’m tired as I’ve already told you. And having given my daughter a bath, I’m in my bathrobe. Nobody wants to go out with a couple of coke fiends when they have a baby and are already in their bathrobe am I right? Can I get a whup whup? Here’s the kicker, while I’m deciding whether to even think about getting of the couch and into a pair of jeans to go meet the ladies at a Mexican restaurant about fifteen minutes away, my husband says, “please don’t get carried away and do any coke.” WHAT? Screech, record scratch.
I had to take a moment with that one before I even realized I was insulted. I said, “what does that mean?” And he said, “you have a tendency to get carried away.” What he was referring to was New Year’s Eve when I said it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for me to drink any hard liquor cause I was a little down and you know how when you are already a bit unbalanced a little hard booze can send you right over the cliff to crazy town and find you curled up in a fetal position whimpering about your childhood? But then again, it can lead to a good relaxing time. As soon as we got to our friends’ house where we were spending the night with our daughter, the hostess told me she was making pomegranate margaritas. Hey, I’m not made of stone. Those are my two favorite things. Together! So, yes I had quite a few and didn’t get carried away. My husband was the one who felt shitty the next morning but he claims it’s because he finished my drinks for me. So, this brings us back to the “don’t get carried away and do coke.”
I’m almost 40. I have a kid. I know there’s some crack ho’s out there but come on. I think the rest of us have enough sense to not go out for a drink and come home jacked up on coke. So, I said “that’s not so trusting. I am not one for peer pressure no matter and don’t really feel like being around people who do drugs anyway. In fact, I’m cancelling. How do you like that?” Which got me an apology and a run to El Pollo Loco. Luckily, I have my own stash of cocaine at home so it wasn’t a wasted evening.