So I’ve started taking 50 milligrams a day of Zoloft. Oh sure I resisted at first. “I feel fine” I told my husband. “But what about how much you’re crying and all the ‘I can’t take one more second of this?” “Oh that. Yeah. I sort of see your point. BUT…I have a lot going on! My parents aren’t speaking to me. Isn’t that a good reason to feel like I’m losing it?” “Yes. I understand. But your parents are getting to you waay too much. You need help.”
So now I’m on Zoloft. And, I do feel better. Not like a miracle cure but I do feel like I have skin now. Before I felt all raw and easily penetratable. Before I wanted to cut someone’s balls off who didn’t use their blinker. Now, not so much. BUT…I feel that people who don’t have strong opinions about things that get on their nerves are not that interesting to me. And I’d like to stay interesting. So as a test, I’m going to try to come up with as many things as I can that annoy me even on Zoloft. Here goes.
1. Movies that people tell you to go see because they have great Cinematography! “It’s a beautiful picture.” Who cares? So, along those lines let’s add…
2. Merchant-Ivory films.
4. The term “dropped” as in her new album “drops” on Tuesday.
5. People who wear visors.
6. People who let their dogs ride in the driver’s seat with them. Dogs are awesome but they belong in the back seat or at least the passenger seat. They should not be driving or near your instrument panel in any way.
7. Mr. Bean
8. The words “dipping sauce” used together.
9. Anyone who calls themself a foodie.
10. People who constantly suggest Yoga as a good relaxing technique. I hate Yoga. Especially the thought of Bikrim Yoga.
11. People who think they can tell the difference between bottled waters.
12. People who don’t use their blinkers (maybe it’s not working as well as I thought)
14. When people leave their infants’ name on their outgoing voicemail message.
15. People who tell you what their baby is doing or dog is doing when you’re talking to them on the phone.
16. People who talk loudly on their cellphones in coffee shops. IT’S NOT YOUR HOUSE.
17. When people still use really old sayings like WASSSUPPP! Let it go already.
18. People who don’t get irony.
19. Anyone who uses the phrase “Aha moment” because they picked it up on Oprah. And that goes for people on her show that use that phrase.
20. When anyone uses one of those belt holders for their cellphone.
21. Any email that I’m supposed to send to 10 friends so my wish will come true.
22. The price of a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
23. The fact that they refuse to have flavored coffee at Starbucks.
24. Any CD that is sold at Pottery Barn. I don’t need Pottery Barn to choose my life’s soundtrack. Thanks though.
25. When people ask how old my baby is and then immediately say, “Oh is she walking?” or “Is she talking. How many words can she say?”
Wow…I feel better. I could’ve come up with twice as much stuff had I not been on this drug but I think I still get pissy.