I’m done with you. All of you. You who stare at me wide eyed from the covers of People, In Touch Weekly, US Weekly, the National Enquirer…the list is endless. All of you with your fake marriages, weird religions and utter control of what makes news! Why are you newsworthy? Why is Jessica Simpson with her contract marriage now dissolved possibly interesting to anyone? I speak as someone who used to be fairly obsessed. Not with Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie or anyone whorey like that. Just with celebrity love in general. I believe in love. Not the kind that’s found (or faked) on a reality show like the Bachelor. I work in TV so I know what that is all about. It’s fake. We know those people are not finding love. But what about celebrities who we think really found it? What about when Andie McDowell was living on a farm forever in Montana with her true love Paul Qualley or something. Then suddenly she’s divorced and has found her new true love, unbelievably, she’s reunited with a long lost high school crush! They marry! What a lovely story. Then like last year – done. What the fuck happened?
I think I truly lost interest during the Jennifer Aniston Bratt Pitt debacle. First off, what was Aniston thinking marrying this dickwad anyway? He is a pothead who doesn’t believe marriage is going to last according to several interviews. He was quoted as saying something to the effect of “we’ll see where it takes us” WE’LL SEE WHERE IT TAKES US? IT’S CALLED A MARRIAGE ASSHOLE. But you see, what really puts it over the top is that Angelina Jolie (not an expert judge of personality – I mean, let’s just start with Billy Bob Thrornton. Why not just date Ike Turner?) scoops up Brad “I don’t believe in monogomy -committment whatever – Pitt and let’s him adopt her fucking kids.
And then there’s Chad Lowe and Hilary Swank. Did anyone see that coming? I mean, yes, she’s more famous than he is but can’t you get some counseling and work it out? Jesus. But you know what really has put it over the top for me? You won’t believe it but Kathy Griffin. Is she divorcing? Are they getting back together? At first I was obsessed. I watched her reality show and thought they were true soulmates. Or at least could put up with eachother’s neurotic personalities. he with his wanting bypass surgery when he was only about 40 pounds overweight and her with well, everything else. But then she up and files for divorce and then goes on Conan and says well…maybe not. but then her show is picked up. I seriously give up. I don’t care anymore. I will not buy any more magazines. I don’t care if Lindsey Lohan eats a homeless man for lunch I will not buy that issue of that magazine that has the real story. Plus, she doesn’t eat anyway. So, I wouldn’t trust it.