A neighborhood such as mine (California, Los Angleles for Christ’s sake) you’d think would be a fucking goldmine of fun moms. Moms who are as laid back as a Juliette Lewis after a nice “e meter” session at Scientology. But this just doesn’t seem to be the case. The case, is, the moms here are stiff. I’m sorry if any of them know that this is me writing this but let’s face it. you’re boring. A few of you are exceptions and if you’re reading this (which I know for sure you’re not) than you know I’m not speaking of you. But the rest of it…maybe I’m just not used to it. Block parties where people take themselves so damn seriously. “Stefanie, you are in charge of face painting and making sure that the fire truck comes ON TIME at 3 o’clock.” okay. Done. I called the damn firehouse and asked if they could send a truck for some of the older kids. Mind you, my daughter at a year old couldn’t give a rat’s ass about a fire truck but I don’t have a problem cold calling places and it was not hard to give the old fire station a ring and ask them to bring their shiniest truck.
The truck never showed up. It’s true. And I got a lot of dirty looks from the moms in the ‘hood. Well, I’m sorry but is our friendship or potential friendship based on whether or not there was a fucking emergency in the vicinity and the fire truck had something else they had to do? I don’t think it should be but… I’m not paranoid. I don’t have that disorder where I think everyone hates me. I can tell when people are not into my brand of sass or outspokeness or as I like to call it “sense of fucking humor.”
Listen, I work as a stand-up comedian. I’m also an author. I deserve to be cut a little slack for being a bit non conformist. I’m not weird. I’m not into any crazy voo doo I don’t even do yoga but I’m just not into thinking the way everyone else thinks on every issue. I like to think things out and listen to my own intuition.
But why aren’t more people like this? Why would I feel so alone in a place like Encino California where you’d think there’d be plenty more of my kind?