Today was such a great day. Really different than yesterday in that Elby ate applesauce instead of mixed berries at lunch. First we woke up at 7:30 and got our diaper changed. By “our” I do mean both of us. I now wear a diaper to bed. It’s only fair. I don’t like getting up in the middle of the night to pee anymore than she would, if she was potty trained or could walk or knew what a bathroom was. Then it was off to the highchair which hasn’t been cleaned since the early 80’s. I exaggerate there for the sake of humor but it has been a long time because apparently the bacteria like it better that way. While Elby sat in her disgusting chair, I made scrambled eggs with grated mozzerella cheese. I know what you’re thinking, “that sounds really really fun and yet you sound like you’re bitching a little.” You’re right. When I think about it that way, it is really fun. After our scintillating early meal, we retired to the living room to destroy everything on the coffee table and watch Neighborhood Animals from the Baby Einstein Collection. That’s when I broke away from the good times to make a phone call. Of course idle babies are the devil’s…I don’t know where I’m going with that one…but there was some sort of incident that got me off the phone in a hurry. Then it was off to Stroller Strides where chubby post pregnant women pretend that they’ll be having sex again and that they would like to slim down. And I guess we all feel that walking once around a park and doing some lame rubberband arm stretchy thingys will melt the pounds off. After the hour of self delusion it was back home to start the coundown till naptime.
Naptime came about noon and lasted a whopping one hour at which time there was crying, followed by a slap in the face from a frustrated still tired 13 month old. Always a good time. This was followed by a very stern “NO” which was responded to by a confused tilt of the head much like a chihauha sitting in front of a tennis ball.
This is where I attempted to watch some television only to find that out of about 800 channels offered to me by my cable provider the very best thing on was Divorce Court. I had to turn the TV off just because that was even too pathetic for me. Off to the high chair again for lunch which you heard about earlier because we had applesauce. Obviously, I don’t have to tell you this was the high point of the day. The next hour kind of eludes me because I think I went into a brief coma. Then I grabbed the baby and went to a friend’s who needed some help with an hour of babysitting for her surly one year old. Two one-year-olds for an hour and a half. Luckily I think I burned off about 4,000 calories singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” so many times I lost count.
Home. Stories. Dinner. Bath. More stories. Crying (me). Bed (both of us).
Lather, rinse, repeat.
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