Listen fans,

Elby just turned 9 months. I’m trying to get her ready to get on the pageant circuit and make a big splash. I know she has the talent to go all the way but does she have the drive? That’s the real question that remains to be answered. First of all, she’s still a few pounds overweight and she carries it all in her chubby little thighs. I’m serious. those things could make her some good money at…El Pollo Loco – but not in pageants. I have her doing the Adkins diets but the bottom line is, she’s gotta want it. I guess the hardest part for her is the “no alcohol” but, what the fuck, I had to go without booze for like 3 months when I was pregnant with her so come on!

I wouldn’t be supporting her in this if she wasn’t so talented though. She’s been begging me to do it since she was three months old. But at that time I was like, hey, it’s too early. See if you still feel the same way when you’re six months old. Then at six months I almost forgot about it because she was more into baby modeling but then she asked again about pageants and I was like, okay, let’s do this. Together. It’s amazing how close you can get with your daughter when you’re working toward a common goal like making sure you’re daughter is the prettiest.

I’m starting to really wish I’d named her Mykala or Brittney or some other name that was synonymous with PAGEANTS. But oh well, we can always legally change it later but for now we’ll just call her Kendyll.

Anyway, her first competition (it won’t be much of a competition if I know my sweetie) will be Miss Texas Citrus Fruits 2005! Good luck, sweet pea.